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June 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG! Did the beautiful Rose take all of Asher's pain and scars into herself and heal him? If so, Padma and everyone else will want her and try to take her. She can heal all the victims of the Council member's sick games. More soon please.
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April 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YOW! Who is this beautiful Tiger? Can Asher help her? Why does the creep Padma want her. BTW, nice smut.
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January 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I wonder what Padma wants from her... Please update soon!!
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January 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Review based on first chapter.
Hmm.. Interesting.
Not quite the tone of the books, but that might be a good thing.
I'll read more and see if it'll get me hooked.
you changed the title and summary while I read, and now it seems like a different story :)
Hmm.. Interesting.
Not quite the tone of the books, but that might be a good thing.
I'll read more and see if it'll get me hooked.
you changed the title and summary while I read, and now it seems like a different story :)
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January 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
2nd chapter.
I think your tone is great for Asher. For Anita's point of view you can't use it, it's too formal, not enough "what the hell", tired and beaten. Interesting with a sidhe weretiger - I hope you'll explain how that came about :).
I like your formulation here: "The battle scars of self-hatred... " but I hope you see that language like that doesn't work for Anita.
Asher does indeed seem intrigued by Rose (as I guess the OC is called :)
It was a smooth transition between the chapters. And it's very good that you introduce all characters, Padma, Raina, Elizabeth etc. to eliminate confusion :).
I'd liek more details about the end of Anita and Jean-Claude... but maybe that's just me :).
I think your tone is great for Asher. For Anita's point of view you can't use it, it's too formal, not enough "what the hell", tired and beaten. Interesting with a sidhe weretiger - I hope you'll explain how that came about :).
I like your formulation here: "The battle scars of self-hatred... " but I hope you see that language like that doesn't work for Anita.
Asher does indeed seem intrigued by Rose (as I guess the OC is called :)
It was a smooth transition between the chapters. And it's very good that you introduce all characters, Padma, Raina, Elizabeth etc. to eliminate confusion :).
I'd liek more details about the end of Anita and Jean-Claude... but maybe that's just me :).
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January 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
3rd chapter.
Nice. A bit short, though, but I guess you saw that.
You're making her even more special... Interesting... I hope the next chapter will be from her POV.
Well there's not much more to say. Extremely graceful and formal language. Poetic metaphors and similies, that enhance both appearance and the tone... The most striking is of course "as if she were a doe in some peaceful forest clearing not to be spooked".
Nice. A bit short, though, but I guess you saw that.
You're making her even more special... Interesting... I hope the next chapter will be from her POV.
Well there's not much more to say. Extremely graceful and formal language. Poetic metaphors and similies, that enhance both appearance and the tone... The most striking is of course "as if she were a doe in some peaceful forest clearing not to be spooked".
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January 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
4th chapter...
You need to advance faster with the plot, or else you'll lose readers.
It's interesting how you write it, but there's not much to it yet.
You've established both characters (though maybe not too clearly the insecurity of Asher).
I'd like some insight into Rose (as I guess she's called), especially since you're going to write steamy scenes from her perspective. I guess you'll be focusing on their relationship (errr... sex ;), but soon you'll need to give us some background.
"The Swan and the Goldfinch" sounds interesting (maybe a tad poetic and too saccharine, but we'll see) but as of yet I cannot tie it to the story.
Okay, so you'll keep it completely in Asher's voice? Even the steamy bits? (Reading your comment). Flashbacks sounds nice, but from Asher's point-of-view - that sounds cumbersome. I'd write them from Rose's... Probably starting with "when I first arrived here at the Circus of the Damned" making some comments about Asher, and then bringing in Padma, Anita and then the whole background. I'd probably do some childhood memories (but since I don't know where you're going with this, I'm not sure that would fit in) just to set some "I always knew I was different" -tone to it.
Will this tie in to the Merry Gentry story? Or will you just keep the Sidhe world without Merry. (Since LKH doesn't put them in relation, it might be hard to do such a crossover universe).
I have to say it's quite hard when you say you're not going to have any "action". It will be quite hard to keep the story running if you continue like this, with only Asher's commenting thoughts. You don't have to have fighting action, just so that things happen as we read and not always has happened... But that might be an original, new take on it of course ;).
Well, good luck continuing writing. I'll hopefully check in from time to time for a comment :P
You need to advance faster with the plot, or else you'll lose readers.
It's interesting how you write it, but there's not much to it yet.
You've established both characters (though maybe not too clearly the insecurity of Asher).
I'd like some insight into Rose (as I guess she's called), especially since you're going to write steamy scenes from her perspective. I guess you'll be focusing on their relationship (errr... sex ;), but soon you'll need to give us some background.
"The Swan and the Goldfinch" sounds interesting (maybe a tad poetic and too saccharine, but we'll see) but as of yet I cannot tie it to the story.
Okay, so you'll keep it completely in Asher's voice? Even the steamy bits? (Reading your comment). Flashbacks sounds nice, but from Asher's point-of-view - that sounds cumbersome. I'd write them from Rose's... Probably starting with "when I first arrived here at the Circus of the Damned" making some comments about Asher, and then bringing in Padma, Anita and then the whole background. I'd probably do some childhood memories (but since I don't know where you're going with this, I'm not sure that would fit in) just to set some "I always knew I was different" -tone to it.
Will this tie in to the Merry Gentry story? Or will you just keep the Sidhe world without Merry. (Since LKH doesn't put them in relation, it might be hard to do such a crossover universe).
I have to say it's quite hard when you say you're not going to have any "action". It will be quite hard to keep the story running if you continue like this, with only Asher's commenting thoughts. You don't have to have fighting action, just so that things happen as we read and not always has happened... But that might be an original, new take on it of course ;).
Well, good luck continuing writing. I'll hopefully check in from time to time for a comment :P
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January 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hmmmm things are starting to heat up... wonder where you are going with this?????????
Anyhow nice chapter with a nice pace....I have a feeling this is going to be bitter sweet... poor Asher
Anyhow nice chapter with a nice pace....I have a feeling this is going to be bitter sweet... poor Asher
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January 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting! More please. I wonder about the seeming break between chapters 3 & 4. You go from her waking and ready to attack to her esconced in the Circus. What happened to smooth the transition. What does she do, how does she find her place? I like that the story is from Asher's point of view, makes it more original. You've got a great premise here and I can't wait to see what you do with it.
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January 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Goody another chapter and so soon... but oh so short
write soon I really like where you are going with this
write soon I really like where you are going with this