schedule
May 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yes, continue! There's really no point in leaving it there!
Luv Skimbleshanks!
Luv Skimbleshanks!
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is an excellent lemon.
Seeing as I find that intricate tales don't lend themselves well when one seeks to focus on sexual scenes, I was not in the least bothered by the lack of a plotline. Even a theme as basic as this -- the Phantom giving in to his lust after watching Christine in an unguarded moment of hers -- offers great results, when combined with your commendable writing and your novel additions, like the C3.
To be fair, what the lack of a discernible plot _does_ affect in a negative way is Erik's characterisation. One of his most remarkable traits is his self-restraint, especially where Christine is concerned, so I doubt that seeing her naked would suffice to unhinge him. At the very least, you should have chosen to include his advances as impulsive -- right then and there -- rather than preplanned -- later, in the cellar by the altar. His expertise in the sexual realm was not very realistic, either; though he undoubtedly has extensive knowledge of the female anatomy, I do not believe he could put it to use this effectively the first time. However, I realise that a dead-on portrayal of the Phantom is nearly impossible when your aim is the depiction of erotic situations. Under these circumstances, I gladly accept your alternative version, especially since you take care to include several points that connect us to the Phantom as we know him. Examples of these points are the tremor in his voice when he informed her of "her centre" and the trembling of his hands while he touched her. His dry humor, spotted in phrases such as "yes, one could definitely say, she had found her G spot", was very in tune with the character as well, since it is commonly encountered in Leroux's, Webber's and Kay's renditions. Finally, I should mention that your apparent knowledge (or research) on the techniques used in singing lessons gave his dialogue during the lemon scene a pleasant touch of realism.
As for Christine, being unnafected by the story's lack of a complicated plot, she retains all her definitive characteristics. Her innocence and naivete are accentuated wonderfully all throughout the lemon scene, as seen in phrases like "Please, Angel, what is my _centre_?" and in her docile submission to his ministrations. The latter would normally render her rather "slutty", for lack of a better word, but you make sure to highlight the fact that she is literally entranced by her Angel's voice. Us readers are familiar with the spell the angelic timbre holds her under, so we can easily accept the occurence described here. After all, her uncomfortable jerking whenever she reclaimed possession of her faculties reveals that she would not have acceded to this action, if she had been sober.
Based on the above, one can clearly see that your characterisation of Erik and Christine is perfectly suited for the domination scene. The Phantom's power over his protege, expressed by his restrictions and loud orders, plays out excessively well with Christine's timidity and reservations, outweighed by her submission to his music and, afterwards, to his demands. I thoroughly enjoyed Erik's use of the term "child" when addressing the girl; not only does it stay true to canon, but it also intensifies his dominant demeanor, thus serving as a turn-on factor for the reader. The original, albeit unconventional, location presents the scene with a raw quality which works to the advantage of the D/S hues. The same applies for the setting itself, considering the affair takes place during a scheduled singing lesson. Your setup for the act is meticulous, working the reader up to the fingering session slowly, steadily, and, in the end, enjoyably. Your beautiful writing style gives this scene the capacity to stand out among all others, since it retains uniqueness, flow and emotion, while giving us an immaculate impression of Erik's point of view. I would have preferred a more explicit description of the act, but I suspect that's just me being greedy. What did bother me a bit was your firm declaration that this lemon is comprised of "dominance" and "a little of SM", leading me to expect a risque, kinky sexual scene that never came. I would consider this light D&S at best, and I wouldn't mind seeing you take it a step farther in either a continuation of this fanfic, or another E/C work of yours, if you feel up to it.
Your writing style is worthy of praise, as I previously pointed out. Your vocabulary is, by the looks of it, vast, because you avoid repetition of words when it is uncalled for, and you adorn the majority of your sentences with colourful adjectives and adverbs. The choice of words often gives your descriptions a rare lyrical quality, aided by a mostly unheeded flow of the sentences. Particularly the drop's course down Christine's nude body was skillfully done. Apart from that, you seem to have a nice grasp of writing techniques, as seen by your _intentional_ repetitions ("He saw her. He saw every inch of her.") and your appropriate switch of paragraphs to emphasize a phrase ("She would feel it."). My only protest concerns the sometimes discordant connection of your sentences: the verb's repetition in "And he heard every sound she made. And what a blissful combination it made", as well as the invalid separation of the sentences in "In front of him. Was the most breathtaking sight." are examples of that. Your grammar and your spelling are practically flawless, though, which is impressive beyond words for someone whose first language is not English. It is not mine either, so I understand the difficulties you must face in a task as demanding as writing.
I definitely hope you continue writing for "Phantom of the Opera", be it with this story or another. And seeing as you are a professional artist, perhaps you could prepare something "Phantom of the Opera"-related in that department, too? In any case, I hope you found this review helpful, and I wish you good luck on all of your projects!
Seeing as I find that intricate tales don't lend themselves well when one seeks to focus on sexual scenes, I was not in the least bothered by the lack of a plotline. Even a theme as basic as this -- the Phantom giving in to his lust after watching Christine in an unguarded moment of hers -- offers great results, when combined with your commendable writing and your novel additions, like the C3.
To be fair, what the lack of a discernible plot _does_ affect in a negative way is Erik's characterisation. One of his most remarkable traits is his self-restraint, especially where Christine is concerned, so I doubt that seeing her naked would suffice to unhinge him. At the very least, you should have chosen to include his advances as impulsive -- right then and there -- rather than preplanned -- later, in the cellar by the altar. His expertise in the sexual realm was not very realistic, either; though he undoubtedly has extensive knowledge of the female anatomy, I do not believe he could put it to use this effectively the first time. However, I realise that a dead-on portrayal of the Phantom is nearly impossible when your aim is the depiction of erotic situations. Under these circumstances, I gladly accept your alternative version, especially since you take care to include several points that connect us to the Phantom as we know him. Examples of these points are the tremor in his voice when he informed her of "her centre" and the trembling of his hands while he touched her. His dry humor, spotted in phrases such as "yes, one could definitely say, she had found her G spot", was very in tune with the character as well, since it is commonly encountered in Leroux's, Webber's and Kay's renditions. Finally, I should mention that your apparent knowledge (or research) on the techniques used in singing lessons gave his dialogue during the lemon scene a pleasant touch of realism.
As for Christine, being unnafected by the story's lack of a complicated plot, she retains all her definitive characteristics. Her innocence and naivete are accentuated wonderfully all throughout the lemon scene, as seen in phrases like "Please, Angel, what is my _centre_?" and in her docile submission to his ministrations. The latter would normally render her rather "slutty", for lack of a better word, but you make sure to highlight the fact that she is literally entranced by her Angel's voice. Us readers are familiar with the spell the angelic timbre holds her under, so we can easily accept the occurence described here. After all, her uncomfortable jerking whenever she reclaimed possession of her faculties reveals that she would not have acceded to this action, if she had been sober.
Based on the above, one can clearly see that your characterisation of Erik and Christine is perfectly suited for the domination scene. The Phantom's power over his protege, expressed by his restrictions and loud orders, plays out excessively well with Christine's timidity and reservations, outweighed by her submission to his music and, afterwards, to his demands. I thoroughly enjoyed Erik's use of the term "child" when addressing the girl; not only does it stay true to canon, but it also intensifies his dominant demeanor, thus serving as a turn-on factor for the reader. The original, albeit unconventional, location presents the scene with a raw quality which works to the advantage of the D/S hues. The same applies for the setting itself, considering the affair takes place during a scheduled singing lesson. Your setup for the act is meticulous, working the reader up to the fingering session slowly, steadily, and, in the end, enjoyably. Your beautiful writing style gives this scene the capacity to stand out among all others, since it retains uniqueness, flow and emotion, while giving us an immaculate impression of Erik's point of view. I would have preferred a more explicit description of the act, but I suspect that's just me being greedy. What did bother me a bit was your firm declaration that this lemon is comprised of "dominance" and "a little of SM", leading me to expect a risque, kinky sexual scene that never came. I would consider this light D&S at best, and I wouldn't mind seeing you take it a step farther in either a continuation of this fanfic, or another E/C work of yours, if you feel up to it.
Your writing style is worthy of praise, as I previously pointed out. Your vocabulary is, by the looks of it, vast, because you avoid repetition of words when it is uncalled for, and you adorn the majority of your sentences with colourful adjectives and adverbs. The choice of words often gives your descriptions a rare lyrical quality, aided by a mostly unheeded flow of the sentences. Particularly the drop's course down Christine's nude body was skillfully done. Apart from that, you seem to have a nice grasp of writing techniques, as seen by your _intentional_ repetitions ("He saw her. He saw every inch of her.") and your appropriate switch of paragraphs to emphasize a phrase ("She would feel it."). My only protest concerns the sometimes discordant connection of your sentences: the verb's repetition in "And he heard every sound she made. And what a blissful combination it made", as well as the invalid separation of the sentences in "In front of him. Was the most breathtaking sight." are examples of that. Your grammar and your spelling are practically flawless, though, which is impressive beyond words for someone whose first language is not English. It is not mine either, so I understand the difficulties you must face in a task as demanding as writing.
I definitely hope you continue writing for "Phantom of the Opera", be it with this story or another. And seeing as you are a professional artist, perhaps you could prepare something "Phantom of the Opera"-related in that department, too? In any case, I hope you found this review helpful, and I wish you good luck on all of your projects!
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow, I really like this fic. :D I definetly think Erik Junior should come out to play, of course, we all know junior isn't so...junior. XP
If that makes any sense at all...please do continue!
-Riley-
If that makes any sense at all...please do continue!
-Riley-
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
For years, it had always been a naughty joke among us Phantom fans...how Erik helped Christine reach her high-C. Your story was both erotic and humorous. I was a bit disappointed that he didn't completely dominate her. I disliked that he would dare to tease her in a Christian chapel.
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I believe this story definitely calls for seconds...please!!!
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
G-Spot LOL... Forget the "sissy finger." Your comments are funny. I always wondered how to get to the C3, being a soprano mysilf. Perhaps I should have Eik come to me to gve me some "singing lessons!" Continue!
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
HAHAHA *snicker* I like how you ended that and yes Dear Erik should attempt that C3 again.
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I think Erik should continue teaching her... so yes please update soon!
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
O.O
Now THAT was an awesome beginning...
Now THAT was an awesome beginning...
schedule
May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow... gulp. Wow....