rate_review Reviews

How upset is Jean Claude with Harry and his power. Did he catch on about the other vampire bonding to Harry? I'm still curious about what all this Serpent Lord will entail. Great story and I'm looking forward to more soon.

I love your story! I've been on a real HP/AB crossover kick lately, and your story is one of my favorites. You asked in one of the earlier chapters if there was anywhere on fanfiction.net you could post your fic, and the only category I can think of is in the miscellaneous section under book crossovers. Also, you may want to check out the Pomme de Sang fanfiction site...they have a small but good-quality crossover section. Please update soon!

I loved it! I'm laughing my head off! Please more!

Good chapter!!! I've been looking at your profile every day to make sure you haven't updated and lo a new one!!! Yea!! Looking forward to the next. Me

ok...yay another chappie! Like the way that the story jumped a few months ahead.. I laughed at the idea of Richard's placed becoming a zoo, and little Padfoot piddling on the were/bodyguard. I am curious bout that serpent lord bit with Kek. Please tell me Harry is not going to become one of those main characters who suddenly becomes all powerful!?! It makes the story so dull. I mean, he is or will be Lord Black, and is the last of the magical Potter line, so extra magic there - as seen by the last chapter when the Black family ring suddenly appeared on his hand-now he is a "serpent Lord as of old"???? Sounds an awful lot like voldy to me. I still am puzzled as to why Byron reacted the way he did to the name Harry Potter-Black. Requiem's behavior was expalined; now how about Byron's? I am curious as to what will happen at the Circus with the vampires. and the snake lady. Also, I would very muhc like to see interaction between Richard and Remus. Richard wants to adopt Harry, but Remus thinks of him as his kid/cub. Should be interesting. And how would the adoption work anyway? If Richard adopts Harry, how will that affect his postion as heir? please keep up the good work and update soonest!

reqium does not have an animal to call however you could choose to give him a animal to call it could always have been an ability he gained after being accepted back into the black family because as harry said in your story he did have all that magic shoved through his body some could have stayed to make him stronger or you could even do something like the triumverate (spelling ?) by the way i like the story please update soon this is the best of both worlds for me i haven't found many anita blake harryh potter crossovers that are actually good or if they are they are never finished

Wonderful.......

I love this Richard.

Keep it coming.

I think that you've chosen a wonderful cross-over (Anita Blake/Harry Potter is almost becoming an obsession to me), but your writing could use some work. For instance, when a character is talking, it's always nice and helpful to the reader if you say who is talking. I found that some of your dialogue only became clear at the end of the section, when I finally found out who exactly was talking. Yes, you can blame my mental deficiences, but that isn't the case. See, the way you write dialogue is like this: "Got you a barn owl for your present." There's no indication of speaker or listener, leaving it fragmented. A better sentence would be: "I got you a barn owl for your present," Harry told him with a nervous smile. Nouns/pronouns are also very nice to have. Yes, in conversation many people will start with a verb but conversation in writing tends to be more formal. I think that you could also add a little more description during the dialogue instead of straight talk for two pages. You could add things like: He shifted from foot to foot, avoiding Robert's eye. or Richard looked up above for a moment as he decided his next argument. It adds fullness to dialogue, a physical body that doesn't just include a mouth (or combined with the lack of tags, two bodiless and nameless spirits talking.)
The one thing, though, that really bugs me about your writing is how you handled Dumbledore. Sure, many fanfiction writers after reading Order of the Phoenix have concluded that Harry won't trust Dumbledore because Dumbledore didn't tell him about the prophecy and that he treats him like a weapon. Yet, in Halfblood Prince, Harry is depicted as being very, very supportive of Dumbledore. Why? Because of why he didn't tell Harry about the prophecy. Dumbledore cared too much for him and didn't want to see him unhappy. Dumbledore didn't treat him like a weapon. I'm also peeved about your depiction of Hermione and Ron. I realise that Harry had to break ties with them for your story to work (as well as with Dumbledore) but there are other ways. I don't think that they would sell Harry out like that unless there was some underlying reason besides "special priviledges." Like, perhaps they were worried about Harry's temperment or Harry trying to run away to fight Voldemort.
Yet deep in my heart, regardless of my complaining, I know you're not going to change any of this because you've already written it. I hope, though, that you take my suggestions on your writing because I think you have a great story idea -- you just have to work on your writing skills.

I love it!!! Please continue to update!! How long is the completed story? Have you finished it? Is Harry being The Serpent Lord going to affect Nagini's bond to Voldemort

PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!

Great plot twist in chapter 8! Please update soon, this is getting better & better!