rate_review Reviews

Great chapter. Very good story too. Thank you for sharing it with the readers.

It seems as if Erik is bothering Madison and she is bothering Erik and it's bringing anger out in both of them. Erik is attacted to Madison, but has to keep his guard up at all times - he trusts no one. Him noting her swaying hips is just the beginning! Very good chapter too. Thanks!

As a white southerner who wouldn't be here except for the black woman who nursed my great grandmother when her own mother couldn't, I say write on. They loved each other with a special bond all their lives, whether it was fashionable or not. I'm the "minority" in the office I work in and cherish the friendships I have with people from other backgrounds and am very tired of people who leap to conclusions about such things. I'm neither old south nor new south. I'm, as Clinton put it, the real south.

Why... would you do this to me? I finally find a Phantom story I can start to appriciate, and you just have to leave me waiting for more! Gah! Curse you evil authors and your cursed "chapters" and so called "Lives" that keep you from continuing!

"Buckra White Trash" that makes me giggle for some reason. Can you picture the type of person saying that? Hehe.... You totally rock at responding to flames...

Please keep it up, I love it, and don't think any of it even seems racial or bigoted - I'm excited, I never got to use that word for it's meaning before! - and I think it's all great so far!

This is a good story so far. Please don't listen to those who would beat you down. Usually it is those who cannot write that turn out to be the world's worst critics.
Please continue, and ignore those who chose not to encourage but to tear down.

I'm a white Southerner, too (South Carolina/ Georgia) and I found this so offensive: "The housekeeper, Ummi, opened the door and waved merrily, her large breasts jostling with every movement. She was a plump, happy black woman who always smiled and never had a cross word been uttered from her lips."

The "Mammy" reference is tired and overused; I can't bring myself to read any further.

And your self-serving whining about being a white southerner was so lame. Very few families owned slaves; I am sure yours didn't and you have some wild antebellum fantasy. Typical buckra white trash.

This is a great start. I like that you are taking time to establish your main character and show her background and environment, as well as Erik's, as most authors tend to fly over that crucial character development in favor of them meeting in the first chapter. I really like the southern setting and I enjoyed the Kay elements you're using, I much prefer the Kay/Leroux phantom to ALW's, and I hope you stick with that.

And since you said you wanted anything that didn't fit to be pointed out, the sentence below has a mistake.

"When the corn fields ripened she would paint them too, rows and rows of rich yellow."

I don't know if this was just a typo of if you've never lived around corn fields but being from Southern Indiana I know my corn and corn fields aren't yellow, they're green, even when the corn is ripe its in a green husk, unless you're perhaps talking about dry corn instead of sweet corn which is harvested when dead in late Sept. or early Oct. and its still more of a tan-brown color.

Just a minor error really, and your punctuation and spelling are top-notch, anyway, this is a great story and I am really looking forward to the next chapter.

Very good first chapter. It seems that Erik is ready for a new life. Onto chapter two, I think. Thank you.

Great second chapter. Erik has made a name for himself and is being sought out for designing buildings and houses. Of course he is wary of getting close to any young woman, especially after what happened with Christine.

I think adding Ummi to the story is quite wonderful in keeping with the time period. Yes, black servants were common place in that day and age in the south. Great chapter.