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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
starring=staring
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
...when the masked man (looked) up and (looked) Christine straight in the eye...
How about replacing one of the lookeds with another version of it?
How about replacing one of the lookeds with another version of it?
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Michael Angelo=Michaelangelo.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
They were perfectly shaped and look(ed) (God forgive her) delicious.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Some sentences need commas. Close to the end of Chapter 1, Christine saw (the) man. With out=without.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
you’re…status. Your, not you're.
Shorten and organize the background stories of the two main characters.
Shorten and organize the background stories of the two main characters.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Some sentences need to be separated. Some parts of the story seem rushed.
Some parts of the story are well-written and highly descriptive.
Erik is both sexy and sinister.
Some parts of the story are well-written and highly descriptive.
Erik is both sexy and sinister.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Some naughty scenes are HOT. Others start to get hot, then...need better words to continue describing the rest of the potentially hot scene.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay...
I like for Erik to take charge. But sheesh. He overdoes it sometimes.
I like for Erik to take charge. But sheesh. He overdoes it sometimes.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Christine's body, not Christine...body