rate_review Reviews

I wasn't sure about the time that your story takes place in. Hopefully, this might help.

Car info sites:

Carriages:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carriage

First cars:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_T_Ford (In America)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volkswagon (In Germany)

More info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volkswagon

I've only read the first two chapters, but interesting so far. I agree with the other reviewer on a few things (and please take this as well-intentioned concrit).

There is repetition of words fairly frequently. For example, in the first chapter, sixteen (or sixteenth) and birthday were mentioned twice, and woman(hood) three times, all in the first paragraph. "Adulthood" for "womanhood" and "anniversary of her birth" or something like that could have eliminated the duplications.

"the wind...stirring her long brown curls gently." A change to "gently stirring her long brown curls" causes the lovely image flows more rhythmically.

"Persian upper class men and women and many upper class English and French and some American men and women." A slight change to something like "Many upper class men and women from Persia, England, France, even America, were in attendance." You get the gist.

Also, when a new character begins speaking, it is always treated as a new paragraph; helps to cut down on confusion as to who is talking. So far (from the chapters I've read) you've got the plot and imagery part down; a beta could help you on your next fic to tighten things up. Keep writing and good luck!

Hello:
I barely started reading this story. Great so far.