rate_review Reviews

This is a wonderful story- Ana is a fantastic character and very astute for her age. I look forward to reading more!

Loved the first chapter! Perfect voice.

Not only do I love your story and your language - very like Carey, but unlike enough that it gives Anafielle her own voice - but all your new characters as well. It's pretty difficult to make their voices distinct from another, but you have definitely managed it. None of the established characters feels the least bit wrong, either.

I'm impressed by how you make the children both alike and unlike their parents and houses - given the strong archetypes that Carey has provided, it would be easy to fall in the trap and make them carbon copies of their parents/houses. I especially liked Taurus and Narcisse, although Phedre's wayward, loose-limbed, wonderfully selfpossessed Cassiline daughter is the best aquaintance of them all. I can really see them have a child like that, and I can't wait to see what happens.

I appreciate that you take your time building up the story - that's how the best fanfics are made, and I think that this one will be a keeper for more readers than me when it is finished.

Highlights of the story (for me):

Favrielle's Gypsy dress, beautifully described and just right for a Favrielle design.

The feast. Excellent attention to detail (like the food) - it felt like I was there.

Anafielle listening at the dore. Definitely not only Joscelin.

The Shahrizai playing cards while Anfielle watches them rather than the cards.

Taurus helping Anafielle to go to sleep, reading about Minos and Pasiphae - that's so perfectly Angeline...;)

Thanks for the chapters. I'm hoping for more.

Forgot to say this: I don't think you don't need to simplify things like language and number of characters. Stay with the Carey voice - it's excellent. Of course you should always strive for being readable as well as complex, but I think you handle that exceedingly well already.

Ah, you torment us as Jacqueline does, drawing out your story.
In truth you are a fine hand at imitating her writing style, I almost thought I was reading the next trilogy.

I should like to know where you are going with this story. I am very intrigued.

~koala

Ignore the comment about too many characters. I was not lost at all. We don't have to worry about the parents as much as the children, and they are fewer in number.

do write more
and soon

I have to say, I don't usually comment. But this was excellently done. The writing style is very good, and it meshes extremely well with JC's own 'style'. I am very excited and looking forward to the rest of it!

Well this review is not from Laurenloogie, but instead from her boyfriend,who is surfing. What I have to say is this: Simplify! Simplify! You're writing is good but you have way too many names and too many characters in the intro. Although I hate to say start over, I am going to say start over. And begin with two or three characters maximum.

VERY well written. It keeps to the style of Jacquelines books. I deffinately cast my aproval, and demand more! (I need SOMETHTING to read while waiting for Mercy to come out. Why wont May approach faster?!

this was very good. i enjoyed this very much please continue. i am a fan of the books and cried and laughed and gasped at every page turn. I hope you update soon :)