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July 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Very good. I Hope to see another chapter sometime soon. Peter and Jacinth will be shocked to see each other in Narnia.
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March 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
It's quite detailed and interesting. The plot and story ideas are intriguing and different. Sadly tho we now get a good look at the new... conflict that will be arising. Peter vs White Child. heh A proper lovers argument is oncoming... Tho I can see a very intriguing way for this story to go after the main conflicts have been resolved and we end back on the main Prince Caspian story line with the White Child, most likely, as a friend instead of foe we will see for the next few chapters.
I enjoy your portrayal of the universes it doesn't add but it doesn't detract. It seems perfect and normal, as if CS Lewis had wrote it and this has been hidden in a vault for years.
Your writing style is very intriguing also as it gives details and a bit of dialogue. Tho you survive more on details it seems, than conversations.
A final review note, you haven't updated since 2009 and have many other stories. Do not abandon this project, so many others start brilliant stories and leave them to die. Please keep on this and keep writing. It's not to late to come back and continue working on this.
I enjoy your portrayal of the universes it doesn't add but it doesn't detract. It seems perfect and normal, as if CS Lewis had wrote it and this has been hidden in a vault for years.
Your writing style is very intriguing also as it gives details and a bit of dialogue. Tho you survive more on details it seems, than conversations.
A final review note, you haven't updated since 2009 and have many other stories. Do not abandon this project, so many others start brilliant stories and leave them to die. Please keep on this and keep writing. It's not to late to come back and continue working on this.
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June 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wow... you write so beautifully.. I hope you continue soon
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May 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh I'll most certainly be sticking around for this one :) Very nice story :)
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September 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
wow just wow
great story
I wonder how the telemarines are going to adapt to the power of winter
great story
I wonder how the telemarines are going to adapt to the power of winter
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August 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I only read the first chapter and got a bit stuck here:
"“Hold still,” Jacinth told him, drawing like the wind across a mountain pool of water.
Peter snorted. “So serious…”"
Isn't that the line Kate Winslet says in Titanic when "Jack" (Leonardo DiCaprio) is drawing her? It's just too much to be coincidence, you know with Peter being drawn when he says it. That kind of jarred me out of the story and into Titanic.
Do you have lines like that elsewhere in the story? I'd advise not to use lines from TV and film etc. because it isn't your own words and it kind of messes with the authenticity of your story. You don't need to borrow from other people, your writing looks pretty durn good.
"“Hold still,” Jacinth told him, drawing like the wind across a mountain pool of water.
Peter snorted. “So serious…”"
Isn't that the line Kate Winslet says in Titanic when "Jack" (Leonardo DiCaprio) is drawing her? It's just too much to be coincidence, you know with Peter being drawn when he says it. That kind of jarred me out of the story and into Titanic.
Do you have lines like that elsewhere in the story? I'd advise not to use lines from TV and film etc. because it isn't your own words and it kind of messes with the authenticity of your story. You don't need to borrow from other people, your writing looks pretty durn good.
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August 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
What an awesome story, it is one of the most interesting and enjoyable works of fanfic I've ever read. Please keep writing!
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July 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
im really enjoying this story please please continue it xxxx
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June 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Yay! An update. Omg this story just got exciting, cant wait to see what happens next!
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June 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow ive never read anything like this before. Very well written and detailed, its interesting to read. update soon!