rate_review Reviews

oh shit im hooked! cant wait to see how this pans out! update soooooon please!

The premise for this story is a pretty good one, but it needs quite a bit of work. One issue is the paragraph structure itself. When I was reading it, it seemed to be stilted, and the breaks did not make sense. (This could be the way it was posted. Typing it straight in, using Word then copying and pasting, or uploading a file would all end up with different results.) The next issue would be spelling and syntactical issues. Like I said, the story itself could be pretty good, but the mechanics need work. You could try to find a beta reader. There are quite a few people on here that would be happy to do it. I hope you take this as advice and not anything insulting. We all need to practice. ;)

Good story...going to be anymore chapters?

I love this story so far. I can't wait to read the rest.

Awsome begining!! Please continue on with the story....

i love the jasper/bella coupling. i think you capture both together very well :)

much love.

Pretty great story you’ve here, I quite like it! The plot’s also pretty good and the character portrayal’s too (even though, they seem a little bit OOC, given the fact that it all seems to be happening a bit too fast, I mean; they (Bella/Jasper) starts to have feelings for each other and then after only three days, things starts to really heat up between them, which results in sex and Jasper biting her, okay, so maybe he got a bit carried away, but still…), as well as the character interaction, of course!

Everything’s well written, apart from the format of the text in the first three chapters, which you changed in chapter four and that was good, however, it’s now a bit too meshed together, maybe you should take a look at other writers stories and re-format everything again, just a though, that’s all!

And about the smut, even though it was pretty nicely described and all that, I couldn’t help but feel, like it had some seriously N/C vibes through-out it, even though, at the same time it clearly wasn’t a N/C scene, what I mean is; yes, he said that he wasn’t going to be gentle, but come on it was her first time, how can you not be gentle at a time like that?! Oh, well, never mind, I guess! It just struck me as a rather OOC move from Jasper side, that’s all!

Anyway, wonder what’s going to happen now, when Bella’s becoming a vampire?! Cannot wait to read more, so please update soon…

I love bella and jasper stories.....this was a good start

I can't wait to find out more

This is great! I really hope you add more, you should keep going. This is better then my first story haha

i love it! i hope you decide to do more because i would love to read some more bella/jasper snuggles and smut xx