schedule
July 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I REALLY ENJOYED HOW THE STORY ENDED!
"Left open for Edward..."
It was a really naughty and it gave a lot of thought to the plot. It made people consider what was going on. Try to Paragraph more, instead of huge great big placements of writing, to readers that can be a little off putting. I ended up just skim reading a few. There needs to be more Emphasis on the vampire side of Alice. For me, Alice would have the same trouble as Edward, control wise i mean. There needs to be more of how hard it is for Alice, make it romantic. Vampires are very romantic creatures, portrayed in romantic situations and this to me, this story is neither romantic or showing any vampire side. If you had used any other names for the characters i would have thought it was just a random one night stand thing, not from Twilight at all. Adapt more to the actual book. It sounds to me that you're just writing for some asshole to jack off while he reads this. This piece of writing says nothing about 'the passion to write' and what an art-form it is. Be passionate about the love scene, aim high in it, make it romantic with vampires, rough with werewolves, etc.
"Left open for Edward..."
It was a really naughty and it gave a lot of thought to the plot. It made people consider what was going on. Try to Paragraph more, instead of huge great big placements of writing, to readers that can be a little off putting. I ended up just skim reading a few. There needs to be more Emphasis on the vampire side of Alice. For me, Alice would have the same trouble as Edward, control wise i mean. There needs to be more of how hard it is for Alice, make it romantic. Vampires are very romantic creatures, portrayed in romantic situations and this to me, this story is neither romantic or showing any vampire side. If you had used any other names for the characters i would have thought it was just a random one night stand thing, not from Twilight at all. Adapt more to the actual book. It sounds to me that you're just writing for some asshole to jack off while he reads this. This piece of writing says nothing about 'the passion to write' and what an art-form it is. Be passionate about the love scene, aim high in it, make it romantic with vampires, rough with werewolves, etc.
schedule
May 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Oh, that was just lovely.