Just checking

This chapter is now new and improved, with paragraphs! ;)

Not gonna go all out and do a whole playlist like Steph does, but thought I'd share a lil at the start of some chapters cuz music makes everything better.

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I was running.

It had been one year, ten months, seventeen days, nine hours and three minutes since I had seen her. Since I spoke those lies. Now I was running because I was weak. I had thought I could be stronger for her. Running back to her because I am weak and selfish, I had given up.

I am only going to check on her I told myself. Three minutes and ten seconds. With my minds ability to think of several things at once, the time had been easy to keep track of. (Even without that, she still would have been my every thought.) Every second that I managed to stay away was a minuscule victory because it was keeping her safe. And every second was a struggle. Time means little to an immortal, except when every second is agony. This was what was best for her, and I knew that.

I was getting closer to the house. It had not occurred to me until just now, what if she no longer lived with Charlie? She was close to 20, had she gone away to school? If she had I would be happy for her. She deserved a normal life free from monsters. I told myself as I ran silently through the woods that it was only to make sure shes safe and happy.

The wind blew just right, and her scent hit me and stopped me in my tracks. She was still there. As soon as I caught her sent I knew that it wasn't for only her, it was for myself. I just needed to be near her, more than
anything. So selfish.

I stood still remembering her scent, breathing it in through my nose. Preparing myself to be near her.

I started towards the house again, but slower this time, listening for the thoughts of the humans who lived around her, there was nothing. Every one asleep, good. As I got closer I could hear Charlie snoring as always. A moment later two heartbeats. I could pick out hers so easily, from any number of humans.

How many times had I laid my head on her chest and listened to it? I could see the house now, so close to her after so long. Her smell intensified the closer I got. But I would keep my promise, it would still be like I had never existed. She would never know I was there. I may have been so disgustingly weak that I returned to check on her, but I knew I could not allow myself to do this unless I could be strong enough to turn around and leave again.

I paused under her window and considered this. I will only be selfish for a moment, then I will leave her be. It was summer in Forks so her window was open to the warm night air. I lifted my arms and lept without a sound. Before I pulled my face up to the window I breathed in deep. The sweetest scent on the face of the earth. I shuddered at the way it still affected me.

I pulled myself up to finally see once again the girl who was still, the reason for my existence. By some stroke of luck she was facing the window as she slept. I looked at the face I saw in my head every day. Every single day since the first time I'd laid eyes on her. She was still so much more then beautiful. She was curled up on her side, with her arms holding a pillow. She slept in a thin tank top and boyshorts.

I studied her even though I'd already had her memorized for so many months, years now. Had she changed at all? Ever so slightly yes, I decided. She had lost a small amount of weight. A human may not have noticed, but her thighs looked slimmer. This concerned me, had she been eating enough? Humans need to eat so often.

There were four more inches of that hair that smelled like heaven. That I longed to bury my face in. It took all my will not to duck through the window as I had so many times before to hold her while she slept. I had to remind myself it was not nescesary to touch her to check on her well being. It would not do any one any good if I were to crawl into bed with her. If I stroked her cheek with just my fingertips. No, it would not do either of us any good if I gently pressed my lips to the base of her throat. But I still needed to.

I knew I would have been able to without waking her. Well, I had been able to before. Now I could not be sure that I'd be able to stop myself from putting one hand at the small of her back, and the other between her shoulder blades and pressing her fagile body to mine. Not only would that of course wake her and break my promise, but there was the chance of her being inadvertantly injured in my desperation to be close to her. The desperation that would surely take me over once I could feel the warmth comming off her skin.

I could sit in the rocking chair as I had that first night, or put my face close to hers and let her sweet warm breath wash over me. No, I knew that I couldnt. I would be sure I kept my promise. So I only watched. As chaste as our relationship had been, I let my eyes wander.

Her sheet had already been kicked off and was partly on the floor. The way she was laying on her side caused her breasts to press together. She rolled to her back letting go of her second pillow, and they were no longer
touching. I watched them rise and fall with her breathing. I wished that when we were together, I'd found out what the skin between them felt like. It looked so soft. I had drawn such careful lines, but would that have been so bad?

She rolled again and further twisted her clothes. I had never seen so much of her body before. I was lost in wondering what her skin felt like, in the places I could now see but had never allowed myself to touch before, when the talking started. Well it wasn't talking at first. She did something I had never seen her do in her sleep, she laughed. How I wished her eyes were open so I could see the way they used to twinkle with her laughter. Did they still?

"Quit it, Charlie is down stairs!" She playfully scolded whoever she was dreaming about. Who was it?

"Oh do you?" She asked. Damn whatever invisible force it was that had always prevented me from seeing into her mind. Was she dreaming of silly crush? Was she in a relationship now?

"We have to be really quiet...and fast" She was smiling.

Maybe it was a person who only existed in her fantasy. Her breathing became heavy. She arched her back and dug her fingers into the fitted sheet she was laying on.

"Oh God you are so good at that" I watched captivated as she writhed around on her bed.

"Please, please!" What was she begging for? Her talking became less frequent as the dream faded away and her breathing became soft again.

Only then did I become aware the sun was comming up. So soon? I could not leave her yet.

I looked at her one more time, and let myself fall to the ground below. I quickly scanned the trees and found a place I could be far enough from the house, and high enough there was no way I could be noticed once the sun was
out. I quickly scaled my chosen tree and made my way to my perch. After all, one raunchy dream was hardly proof of her happiness. Once I was sure she was happy, I would go...

A/N: Just wanted to get my very first chapter ever under my belt. Please review, be honest but gentle ;)