Peter Pan and Me

CHAPTER 17: NOT WHERE I WANTED TO BE

It was another night. When I woke up from a nap, for I was taking more
and more naps. Adventures tired me out so. And they were a daily
occurrence. When I woke, I noticed the Lost boys were all nervous and
jittery. Most of them fled the underground house which should have
alerted me. Jen signaled to me and Landen. Landen came over, "Well Peter?
He was, ahh, doing something. Oh, yeah, he was petting the fairy over
there..."

It turned out Peter used one finger to stroke Olivier's bare back,
unaware the ecstasies that this gave the rude, nude fairy. Olivier had a
small cave in the walls of the underground house as his lair. "And then?"
I asked, oblivious to the line from DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?, "And then," I
repeated when Landen looked upset.

"He went off someplace?" Landen said more as a question than a statement
but he knew that it should have been a statement, his eyebrows raised.

I went over to Olivier's cave, "Olivier!" The fairy woke up and came
out. He was smiling. "Do you know where Peter is?" The fairy nodded.
"Take me to him now!" The fairy nodded and smiled. He flew. I followed.
I should have known that Olivier taking me to Peter without a hitch or a
question or a pronouncement not to was an alert that Peter was up to
something, well, not quite nice. This time the fairy helped me find Peter
and I found Peter in a dark part of NeverNever Land in a cave that looked
almost like Olivier's cave grown full size and in the middle of a dank,
dark swamp or mud pool. Even the moonlight did not reach this area. It
was almost totally dark. From the dank cave there was a light and Peter's
voice. This time his voice was scary and he was mumbling something in a
strange tongue. It sent chills up and down my spine. I turned to the
fairy but he was gone. He wasn't going to stay here. Smart fairy. "Black
magic," I gasped, "Peter's doing black magic." I nodded and gasped,
"The fool." I flew into the cave and saw Peter making strange gestures
with his hand. I hoped he hadn't had to kill something to do this but
that would not have been the first time he killed something. I saw a rock
and on it was some of Peter's blood.

"You stupid little shit!"

Peter turned, surprised to see me, "Not yet. You aren't supposed to be
here yet!"

"Supposed? What the shit are you doing?"

"What's shit?"

"Oh, it's...oh, you don't go to the bathroom, I forgot," I said and
floated down to him and looked as the space at the back of the cave wall
opened up into a reddish hole that began to pull me into it. My feet
flung toward it, "PETER! HELP ME!"

Peter hesitated. I saw that. I saw it in his eyes. He wanted this thing
to devour me!

"Peter! For God's sakes! Help me! It's gonna kill me!"

Peter flew up and grabbed my wrist, "No! It's not! It'll send you back,
back to your time. The time I took you and make you grown up again and
make it so that you have your heart's desire!"

The wind pulling me in was strong and I felt my feet enter the vortex,
"You stupid dirty faced little boy!" Peter's face was sprung with horror
that I would say this. I've done it before but I guess each time he hears
something, he forgets it, especially something against himself that makes
him hurt so. "What makes you think that you know my heart's desire! You
DON'T! Wendy told me...she does know what my heart wants!"

My legs were entering the vortex. Peter shut his eyes and pulled the
other way but it was too strong for even him, "Wendy?" Peter was
agitated now, making a connection between me and Wendy, "What do you know
about her!??? Wendy's dead! What does SHE KNOW?"

"IT WAS HER GHOST, YOU CONCEITED, SPOILED BRAT!"

Peter pulled and pulled despite what I said. At least I found that
comforting.

"You know nothing about my heart! I want to stay! PETER, I WANNA STAY
HERE WITH YOU! DON'T LET GO!"

He didn't. I knew that and I know it now but at first it seemed like the
parting of hand and wrist was his doing. I flung into the vortex, apart
from my Peter. The dark magic that was Peter's doing took me through a
vast time tunnel and I felt sick. It wasn't like flying. It was like
being thrown onto a roller coaster without the coaster.

With the echos of my voice saying, "I want to stay, stay stay stay
stay..." Peter was thrown back by his own force of pulling into the
rocks he set about in opening this vortex up.

"Oh no," Peter said as he looked at the rocks, "The vortex!" He quickly
set them back into place and the vortex opened up again, over the one
that never closed. "Here goes! I'm coming!" With a laugh he dove
headfirst into the vortex and both closed. He put his arms out infront of
him as he dove and laughed. It didn't bother him. It was just another
adventure.

I thought I heard him laughing behind me. Or was it him laughing at me,
me thinking he was in love with me. His mocking laugh. His sarcastic
laugh. Was it Wendy he loved only and exclusively? "NO!" I heard her
voice over his laugh. Maybe he was behind me but she was there too, "No,
he DOES love you. Bare this through and you shall see! Forgiveness is the
key."

I tumbled head over feet now and fell out of a giant hole. I landed hard
on a wooden deck. Oh no, I thought, I'm on another pirate ship. I hate
pirate ships. They're not romantic in the least. They smell. Of hard
rotted wood. And of men. Yuck. I heard a new laughing. A man's laugh. I
think. I stood but the bright sun glared in my eyes. I came from
darkness. Well not originally. But from that dank cave. "Who?"

"Allow me to introduce myself, my little doodle do," the slimy voice
itched out. I knew the answer before it came. The greasy curls, the thick
lips, the bow and the fancy dress. "I am Captain James Hook of Eton at
your service...."

Something was wrong. No, it wasn't that I was back in time, probably
before 1900 or so. It wasn't that I was lost in time thanks to Peter Pan
and his blood magic. It wasn't that I was lost and alone. It was...wrong.
Hook had both his hands. What the hell? I was that far back? I turned to
run or fly and saw the others: Smee, the silly Irishman; Starkey, the
gentlemen's teacher and French; Alf Mason, big and broad, with a short
cut shirt and wool hat; Bill Jukes, just a dark boy himself with long
brown hair, brown skin and an open vest with no shirt beneath. Tattoos on
him. And all the rest. Mullins, Cecco, Noodler, Cookson. All the ones
from Peter's past. Now my present. Terrific. "Peter what have you gotten
me into."

"Take him, men!" Hook yelled.

"Who me?" I backed up.

"Well you are obviously one of those infernal lost boyyyyyyys that follow
Pan!"

"Follow?" I shrugged, "I'm not really a lost boy you know. I mean I have
my memories intact mostly and I'm not really their age and I wasn't
lost..."

"Take him anyway, men!"

Flying would have been nice but I found I couldn't. Fly that was. "Pan
has already threatened my ship and told me he rules here."

"Ahh," I looked over the side, "Never Never Never land. Yeah, he does."

"Not that I see," Hook came at me and roared to his men, "No one rules
over me!"

"Well couldn't we just, well just talk about this?"

"You are obviously one of them. And Peter Pan..."

"Look, I don't know what you know about Peter but he's really not one to
care about me..."

Hook studied my face. He leaned down at me and rather than the smelly
pirate smell I was used to I smelled soap and cleanliness. Dare say, he
was even sorta intelligent. "Hmmmm."

"What?"

"You....there's something...something about you..."

"There...there is?" I screwed up my mouth. He was reading me. He was not
dumb.

"Oh yes," Hook said, "You smell..."


"I beg your pardon?"

"...of Pan!" Hook spat. He grabbed my arm, "It's time for you to dine!"

"Did you say dine or die?"

"BOTH!"

Peter broke through but rather than being right behind me, he came
through a few minutes later. Great. Laughing he saw the hole was bringing
him right to the wooden deck of the Jolly Roger. "Whoa, that's what I
call a road block!" Peter turned his head the other way and skidded in
the air to a halt and floated there. "Chase?"

Hook was leaning cockily against the ship's side, "Oh it's you, Peter
Pan. The ruler of this land?"

"Captain Hook!" Peter gasped, "Codfish, the original. Nice to see you
again after..."

"After? After what? That storm that brought me here to this horror! This
land you say you rule!?"

"I didn't bring you here but here you will stay. You're too stupid to
leave."

Hook lost composure, "St...stu...stu...did you say stu..."

"Pid." Peter helped him.

"Pan!"

"No pid, definitely Pid. Stu...Pid. You." Peter pointed.

Hook shook his head. "Really. Well you may have gotten away with your
lost boys before but I have slain one of your own...his body hangs below
deck, all the innards stuffed out his lower regions."

"What are you talking about Captain Anchovy?"

"An...anchovy?" Hook laughed, "Have your name calling. For that one
that landed here is now stuffing on my wall!"

"I..." Peter landed, "You don't mean..."

"He landed not five minutes ago, called himself...what was it called
himself Smeeeee?"

"Sure N Begora, sir, he called himself Chaz..."


"Chase!"

"That's it, fer sure," Smee said and laughed.

Peter had his adam's apple in his throat for once. He was flabbergasted,
also for once. His bright blue eyes welled up. His thick lips opened and
gaped. He blinked. His blond curls sweated, again, for once. "You...you
killed Chase?"

"Yes!" Hook said, "Now who rules here?"

"Why I do!" Another voice said from the sky but it was the same voice.

"You..." My Peter said. But he was talking to Hook.

Hook was talking to the new arrival...also Peter Pan, "What bedevilment
is this? What witchery???"

My Peter was welling up fast and he looked at Hook, "You killed my
friend?"

The Peter in the air said to a flying blond boy, "Slightly, take the
twins..." Peter didn't know what twins meant and there were three of
them, "and Tootles there to our camp..."

"But we just got them off the London Streets can't they...?"

"No, this is serious, it's Hook, he's done something to....to me I
think."

"Aye aye, Peter!" Slightly said and flew off with the three twins and
Tootles. You see Peter didn't know what twins were and well, neither did
they. So there were three of them but no one really knew that. Well not
many people knew that anyway.

Hook was taking out his sword and raised it above my Peter's head. "I
don't care any more...." Peter said.

"Now we shall see if this magical boy, Pan, can die!"

The present day Peter should have looked the same as my Peter but he
looked alittle....slightly younger. He landed in front of Hook and
between Hook and my Peter. My Peter said, "He killed the only person I
love..."

The present day Peter took out his sword from his back holster as Hook
raised his sword and slashed. Hook screamed in agony while Peter's
eyebrows made a vee of malice and his face said that he enjoyed such
ruthlessness.

Hook's hand plopped to the deck just as I opened the door from the lower
deck, kicking it in. "I guess they didn't know I could fly at one time."
I looked down and saw Hook's hand and it still clutching his sword! I
screamed now.

"Tie it off!" One of the pirates yelled.

Peter on his knees now turned to see me as the younger Peter turned from
Hook's agony and the pirates standing around were driven to inaction.
"Fly!" The younger Peter said, "Fly!"

"I can't!" I said as my Peter hugged me tightly.

"For the both of us I can!" Peter lifted me up and as he did he blew
fairy dust in my ears, two blows on either side. I could tell that it was
a burden to pick me up but I didn't weigh very much. Yet he was strong,
stronger than I.

Below I heard the ticking of the croc. I shook my head free of the blond
locks that met my own hair, "Peter, wait! I almost forgot!" I pushed
off him and sped back to the ship where Hook's hand was, grabbed it up
before any of those horrid pirates could do me damage, and cast it over
the side to the croc's opening maw.

The other Peter, the younger one (?) watched me curiously.

I flew off just as Cookson came at me with a hatchet and Mason with a
harpoon. Smee was directing others into carrying off the butchered Hook.
"That could have changed time," I yelled up to Peter, "Peter, what's
that?!!"

"You...you love him?" The younger Peter moved to my Peter.

"I...I..."

"Well I will never love anyone, you must not really be the me I thought
you were. No weakness will make me like you were before Captain Hook."

"Aw I could have taken him!"

"No, if not for me, he would have killed me," Peter said.

I was getting confused but above them both a huge shape took form. Or a
huge form took shape. "Peters, what is that!!!????" Two circles
appeared and formed what looked like a face where eyes should be. The
face was gigantic, bigger than the pirate ship below. The calm of the sky
was sieged with gray and some light under the gray seeped through. The
figure looked like a disembodied face and the circles spun. A mouth
seemed to form but it was another circle. I realized the circles were
really more vortex tunnels!

"I guard time. I cannot allow you to meet. I cannot allow you to be out
of time."

"You can't tell me what to do!" Peter waved his finger at the thing.

"Peter, let him get us home!" I flew toward them but somehow the circles
sucked me into it. "NOOOOOO! Pettterrrrr!"

I was flung headlong into the thing and Peter jabbed his whole body at
me. The face turned and swallowed Peter...but into a different circle
vortex tunnel.

The younger Peter looked as the entire thing vanished. He shook his head
and laughed. He looked down at the croc, "I couldn't have done better
myself. In fact, maybe I did it myself."

It was blue. The whole room. Nursery. For a fleeting moment I thought I
was in Wendy's nursery. Traveling in time. I couldn't figure out how long
I was traveling in time. And as good as my memory is I think I may have
forgotten somethings. I mean somehow I think I was in the middle of the
battle of Custer, and I seem to recall the sinking of the Titanic and/or
being in a giant horse as it entered Troy, fighting as a gladiator...or
something. Lost in time, I may have also met Hitler. Great. These
adventures must have made Neverland seem light, bright, and calm. Anyway,
I repressed them since Peter was not with me...at least as far as I knew.
I heard a small cry and went over to a bassinet. A cute little baby was
in it. Blond. And...oh no, it couldn't be, could it? John? Michael? I
turned away thinking it was who I thought it was. But...a tall woman came
toward me. I began to speak. "Mame, excuse me, you must be wondering what
I was doing here in this room of yours..." When she passed right through
me! I mean I felt her soul touch my soul and meet it, enlighten it and
part with it, making it better for having touched. I was better, she was
better. We passed through each other. I knew she felt it because she drew
a deep sigh as did I. I looked at her as she bent over. Was this an older
Wendy? Wendy's mom? She bent over the bassinet, "Peter," was all she
said to the baby.

I looked at the baby and at my own hand first. I could see through
myself. I was incorporeal. And the baby was my own Peter Pan.


The play Peter Pan and its characters are trademarks of and copyright
J.M. Barrie