Forgetting Neverland

 

As they approached the hideout, the Lost Boys and the Darlings gathered outside to greet them. Peter broke away, turning in the direction of Mermaid Lagoon. Wendy sighed and followed the boys inside. She turned around to look at him again and saw that he was attempting to fly but to no avail. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized the unthinkable had happened: Peter Pan could no longer fly. She hoped Tinkerbell would find a way to let him do it one last time before he left Neverland. Tootles patted her back and led her back inside.

“I’ve never seen him glow the way he does with you. He may have wanted to always be a little boy but he never knew what love was until he met you. You’re the reason he is growing up, Wendy, and that says a lot for you.”

“I wish I could smile when you say that but I still feel that I am tearing him away from everything that he knows and loves. Tootles, he can’t even fly anymore!”

“He loves you and has a brand new life waiting for him. A life with you and your baby. Flying doesn’t even compare with that.” Tootles nudged Wendy’s cheek and she was forced to smile. She plopped onto Peter’s hammock and looked around the hideout. It had been so very long since she was here last and it didn’t look any different. Michael edged closer to Wendy’s feet, asking if he could hold his niece. Wendy slipped the sleeping baby into her brother’s arms and smiled as Michael held her so delicately as if he would break her.

“Cradle her head. Yes, very good. You needn’t be so afraid, she won’t break.”

“She’s so tiny,” he whispered. He looked up at her and smiled. “I always knew you would make a wonderful mother one day. You were always a wonderful mother to all of us. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.” Wendy bit her lip and cast a glance at John before she answered.

“Life takes us in unexpected directions, Michael. Sometimes you just have to let it take you.”

“I wonder if Mother and Father will let you keep her,” Michael said casually, stroking Lily’s cheek. Wendy gasped, not having once thought of the possibility that she might not get to keep her child. What would her parents say? She was married and already a mother and they had yet to meet Peter. Would they approve of him? Surely not. Her aunt had already started to make plans for her future, to marry someone of higher stature. Peter was just a boy and Wendy was just a girl. Her parents would disapprove and they might forbid her to ever see Peter again. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized what she had to do. Michael was gently rocking Lily and she had woken up and started to cry. He looked panic-stricken and immediately passed her back to Wendy. Wendy held her close and whispered soothingly but Lily continued to scream.

“Maybe she wants her daddy,” one of the twins suggested.

“She has to get used to not being around him all the time,” Wendy said dismissively, patting Lily’s back. “We’re going to go get some fresh air.” Wendy took the wailing child outside and looked around.

“How on earth am I going to leave Neverland,” she said to herself. She thought of asking Tinkerbell to help her fly but she didn’t know if the fairy would help her, especially if she found out Wendy was betraying Peter. Then again, it would solve all of Tinkerbell’s problems and was the very thing the fairy had wanted: Peter to stay and Wendy to leave. Her heart weighed heavily as she walked in search of Tinkerbell but she knew it was what was best for Peter. The boy knew nothing about being a man, or about being a husband and a father.  He had been in Neverland for so many years, how could she possibly ask him to leave? She couldn’t. And she couldn’t go home either. She would go somewhere where no one knew who she was and would raise her daughter on her own. Wendy hated the thought of it, a lifetime of loneliness, but she thought everyone would be happier this way. Everyone except her, of course. But Wendy had never been one to put her happiness before anyone else’s. And so she decided this time would be no different. Deciding she better hurry before Peter returned from his tour of Neverland, Wendy frantically searched for the fairies. Realizing she had never known where Tinkerbell lived—Peter always just seemed to call her—Wendy stopped where she was and called the pixie’s name in a tentative voice. Lily had gone back to sleep and Wendy shifted her to her other arm.

“Tink? Erm, Tinkerbell, if you are around will you please come here?” She felt quite silly calling to the empty sky and felt even sillier when Tinkerbell didn’t answer her call.

“Tinkerbell, please. It’s…it’s about Peter.” A bright light appeared before Wendy’s eyes and she sighed with relief.

“He’s fine, don’t worry. I need your help, Tinkerbell. I need you to give me enough dust to help me fly out of here.” Tinkerbell jingled and cocked her head to one side curiously. Wendy wished she had learned to speak pixie.

“Well, I’m leaving Neverland. That’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to go and Peter to stay here? He’s better off without me, Tink, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing and I don’t want to be responsible for his unhappiness. He’ll realize it when he leaves Neverland and starts to grow up. He’ll realize how miserable he is and I don’t want that for him. I’m taking Lily and going somewhere he can never find me. Please Tinkerbell, I need your help. For Peter.” Her eyes filled with tears as she held the fairy up to her face, waiting for her answer. Now fairies are fascinating creatures. They are so small that they usually cannot feel more than one emotion at a time. Her quick temper and strong feelings for Peter had almost gotten Wendy killed on more than one occasion. But what Wendy did not know is that fairies are fiercely loyal and will do nearly anything for a friend, especially for friends that have been together for years. If Wendy had known that, she would not have asked Tinkerbell to do this for her. Tinkerbell flew around Wendy once, covering her in dust, then flew off without another jingle. Wendy felt her feet unsteadily lifting from the ground and she held Lily close.

“Wait, Tinkerbell! I don’t know where I’m going!” But the fairy was gone so Wendy took a deep breath and chose a direction to fly in. She hoped Lily would remain asleep because she didn’t think she could fly through the sky with a crying baby. She cast one last look at the hideout and tears streamed down her face as she thought about her brothers. But she couldn’t go back now. She had to disappear. A horrible chill passed through her and she remembered her thoughts as she had stood on the bow of the Jolly Roger and stared into the icy water below. She had decided everyone was better off without her. People might have wanted her but she wasn’t what they needed. She shook herself a bit, reminding herself that there was one tiny soul who needed her now. She wouldn’t do that again. And as much as this would hurt Peter, it was better for him. It wasn’t like last time. She wasn’t dying, just leaving. She kept telling herself, it was better for Peter.

“For Peter,” she said to herself as she flew off into the sunset.

“You know England is East,” came a deep voice above her. She looked up to see a dark shape hovering above, arms across his chest, staring down at her. She sighed and her head hung guiltily, like a little child caught in the cookie jar. She slowly floated to the ground, not looking up at him. Tinkerbell. The fairy had told Peter that his Wendy was leaving and he had come to stop her. Tears splashed the dirt as her head hung low. Peter landed in front of Wendy, Tinkerbell resting on his shoulder, her tiny arms crossed too. It would have been a funny sight if Wendy didn’t feel her heart breaking right now.

“So you think you can just leave Neverland and that I’d never find you? No, wait. You think you can leave Neverland and I would just forget about you?! Just…wave it off and decide to stay a boy afterall? Wendy, what in the hell are you thinking?” Wendy’s stream of tears increased and she was finding it immensely hard to breathe.

“Look at me,” he said in a strong voice. She shook her head, still staring at her feet. Peter let out a shrill whistle and Wendy’s head snapped up. Tootles appeared at Peter’s side and his hand flew to his forehead in salute.

“You called?”

“Take Lily inside for me. I need to have a word with my wife.” Tootles took Lily from Wendy and scampered away, recognizing Peter’s tone. He continued to stare at Wendy and she didn’t know if he was expecting an answer from her or if he was just glaring at her with disappointment. She rubbed her nose furiously and shuffled her feet.

“You’re better off without me, Peter.” Peter sighed and gripped Wendy’s shoulders tightly.

“Damn it Wendy, haven’t you realized it by now? Don’t you understand? I’m not who I used to be. I never will be. When I made the choice to go with you and grow up, I lost whatever magic I have held onto for so many years. We have been through so much together, how could you possibly think I could just forget about you?”

“I didn’t think you would. But I thought…I thought…”

“You thought it was better for me if you left,” he finished. Wendy moaned and started to sink to the ground but Peter held her firmly.

“Look at me,” he said, more gentle this time. When she didn’t obey, he cupped her chin and forced her to look up. His loving gaze held hers. “You made me what I am and for that I’m grateful. We’re bound to have problems, every couple does. But that’s what we are now. A couple. I married you, Wendy. I made a promise to stay by your side and protect you and you took my name and promised you would always be mine. You can’t listen to anyone when they say we’re still children. Only we know what we have endured and the horror we lived through. We found love and trust in the midst of that horror and our love can defeat anything. Tinkerbell told me you plan to take our daughter somewhere I can never find you. Where do you think you can go where I can’t find you? You think I won’t travel to the ends of the earth and beyond to search for you? Remember what you said after our first night on the ship?” Wendy’s eyes widened and Peter’s bore into hers. “‘We’re bonded, you and I. I can’t leave you anymore than you could leave me.’ Those were your exact words and you have tried to leave me twice now.” She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to look down but Peter held onto her face, refusing to let her look away. “We’re leaving Neverland, together, and going to start a whole new life with our daughter. Your parents will just have to accept that their daughter has changed.” Wendy threw her arms around his neck and smothered her face in his clothes. His chin rested on the top of her head and he continued to stroke her hair.

“We can’t go back, Peter,” she said in a muffled voice. He frowned and pulled her away to look at her.

“We’re not staying here, Wendy. Lily can’t be raised in—“

“No, I know we can’t, I wasn’t talking about staying in Neverland. But we can’t go back to my parents. They’ll never understand.” Peter watched her face, still frowning. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.

“As far as we are concerned, Lily is our miracle and no accident. We created her because we were in love. But we both know it wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t captives. Think of how different our lives would be if Hook hadn’t captured us. We might not ever have fallen in love like we did. To tell my parents everything that has happened means telling them I was raped. And I don’t think I can ever tell any of them that. Not my brothers or my parents. I can’t go back there because they’ll never understand. Only we understand because only we know what exactly happened. To them, we’ll be little children who did something foolish and made many huge mistakes. They might even try to take Lily away from me. I can’t…I can’t take that risk. We have to go somewhere far away and start all over. Peter and Wendy Pan, poor but so much in love. That’s the life I choose…with you.” Peter stared at her for the longest time before responding.

“You won’t ever see your parents again. Your brothers? You won’t see them either.”

“Perhaps one day I’ll go back but for now, I can’t face them. I choose you over my family. I didn’t want to have to choose but life forces you to do things and sometimes you just have to choose.” Peter pushed Wendy’s hair out of her eyes and nodded.

“And I choose you over all of this,” he gestured around him. “What you say is true. Our lives would be very different if we hadn’t been captured. But it all happened and I fell in love with you with my own free will. Knowing what I would be giving up. Never dreaming that I could have a normal life away from Neverland with you. And Lily…she’s my miracle. You both are. When you’re ready, we can leave. We can go wherever you like. You and Lily are my life now.”

“Are you finished saying goodbye to everything?” Peter nodded.

“I’ve said my farewells. The mermaids gave me a parting gift.” He touched his throat and Wendy’s eyes widened, feeling horrible that she hadn’t even noticed he was speaking.

“They healed you?”

“Their magic can heal when they will it to. They don’t often use it for that though because it’s such a big thing. But they said I wasn’t the same when I couldn’t talk and tell stories. So they restored my voice. Melina said I needed it to yell at my wife often,” he winked at Wendy who was about to make an angry retort but Peter laughed. “And I told her I wouldn’t do that. My wife is the most incredible person I have ever met.”

“And what did she say to that?”

“That you had to be, to be taking me out of Neverland at last.” A shadow of a smile crossed Wendy’s face as she shook her head. Peter glanced down at Tinkerbell and sighed deeply. “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for, Tink. We’ve had some pretty great times together, haven’t we?” Tinkerbell jingled then rose off his shoulder and flew around them several times. Peter grasped Wendy’s hand as they rose up off the ground together. Wendy squeezed his hand.

“Together?”

“Until the end, sweetheart,” he replied, squeezing back.

And with that, the little family rose higher and higher into the air and flew out of Neverland. Peter relished the feeling of the wind in his face once again and he was admittedly a little sad to see Neverland vanishing underneath him. But he glanced beside him and saw his wife and daughter and his smile returned, knowing he had a wonderful future in store for him.

 

**Quinn, thanks so much for the review!! And thanks to everyone who is reading--please feel free to leave me some feedback! If my twisted mind hasn't scared you away ;-) 

 thanks again!