Anita of the Rings

Even though Anita knew what was going to happen next, it was still shocking to discover that Jason and Nathaniel were also in her nightmare as Pippin Took and Merry Brandybuck, in that order. And it was just a little unnerving to be discussing the ring with Uncle Bilbo, also known as Willie McCoy. Yes, everyone she knew was going to be here.

After Willie, uh Bilbo Baggins, took off down the Yellow Brick Road, Anita surveyed the cottage that she now owned with Capt. Edward Gandalf in tow.

"OK, we got a problem," Anita told Edward and showed him The Ring. It looked just like the one in the movie, all shiny and gold and made for a man with fingers like sausages. It would have made a nice bracelet for her.

Capt. Gandalf made an "ooh" face and moved closer but did not take the ring. "What's wrong with it?" he asked and ran his hand over it as if feeling its dark magic.

"It's evil. You're supposed to go to some town and look it up in a book," Anita explained.

"Why?" Edward asked curiously.

"Because it's evil. Remember Sauron? This is his ring. I'm supposed to take it to some volcano and chuck it in."

"I got a better idea," Edward said. "Come on."

Anita Baggins followed Capt.Edward outside and back to the tank. By now the presence of a tank in the middle of Middle Earth, which didn't even have electricity, didn't bother her anymore. Micah, Nate Took and Jason Brandybuck were outside waiting on her.

"Are you supposed to be stealing cabbages from Farmer Maggot?" she asked them as Edward pulled her up on the tank.

"We are?" Nathaniel asked curiously.

"She knows," Jason said with a smile.

"I know everything," Anita replied cryptically and climbed into the tank where Edward had a state of the art computer console.

"Ring," he said and held out his hand. Anita dropped the ring into his hand and watched as he pulled up all the available data on the Ring of Sauren. "Oh ueah, this is a bad boy," he said and turned to the watching Olaf. "Lighter."

Anita watched him flick the Bic and run the flame over the ring. A few minutes later elvish writing appeared, proving without a doubt this was The Ring. "Do you know what it says?" Anita asked.

"Something about one ring to rule them all," Capt. Edward answered. "I need to go see my commander about this."

"Let me guess, Sarumon?" Anita asked curiously.

Edward smiled and said, "Everyone knows Commander Sarumon is my boss, Anita Baggins. But I think you need to get the ring out of Hobbiton."

Anita frowned and said, "Yeah, that's right. The dark riders. We're supposed to hook up somewhere, but I can't remember the name of the place...prancing pussy or something like that."

"Good idea," Edward concurred. "You go to Bree, and I will meet you at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, but be careful."

"Oh, I will," Anita promised and stood up...and stood up. Edward lifted her out of the tank.

With the evil ring firmly in her pocket and her three traveling companions with her, Anita watched Edward, Olaf and the tank rumble out of Hobbiton. She could have kicked herself in the ass for letting him go without giving her a weapon, but it was too late now. From the sound of the motor, Olaf had kicked her into high geer.

"He has a tank, and we walk. What is wrong with this?" Anita grumbled as she and her posse started for that roaring party town of Bree.

Of course there were bad guys along the way. Dark riders on really big black horses. Anita had not been sure about horses when she was normal sized, but being no bigger than a cocker spaniel really had her concerned. She also made a mental note to get a gun from Edward the next time she saw him, which would be....shit! She and Edward were not going to see each other for awhile.

Of course the dark riders, besides being normal sized, had really cool clothes. She was beginning to see a theme here. Tall people, cool clothes; short people, big feet.

After being almost stomped too death by one horse, Anita and her posse managed to escape by getting on a raft at Buckleberry Ferry. Micah explained to her that the raft was the ferry. Anita was not impressed.

"Micah," Anita said as she watched the pissed off horseman making a spectacle on the shore.

"Yes Ms. Baggins?"

"The next time we see Capt. Gandalf."

"Yes?"

"We get the keys to the tank."

"Oh yes, Ms. Baggins."

"I'm hungry," Nathaniel Brandybuck announced with a heavy sigh.

Anita looked at him and shook her head. "You're a leopard. Catch a fish."

Nathaniel looked over the side of the ferry. "I don't see any."

"Then you'll have to wait," Anita said as the dark rider rode away. "I hope Bree isn't far off, since we're on foot."