The Madness Mechanism

A/N: I've decided I want into Sarah Starke's crazy head. But only a little. Oh, and the Audi R8 is my DREEEEEAM CAR.

MORE MORE MORE GORE.

Also, I see that 45 people have opened this in the past day, but I've only gotten one review...:tear:. Positive or negative, I want to hear it. I just DON'T want to hear "OMG TWILIGHT IS THE BEST!!!1111!11!" because I warned you about it in "I'm Doing The Crossword, F*ck Off."

Enjoy! There is much killing to be done.

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I walked out of Forks High to my car. I hate high schools, I'm not even in high school. All those disgusting little children. But it's where my new targets are--and when you're a professional killer, you go where the targets are. It doesn't matter. But it can be hard. My lust for blood is seeping into everything I see. I feel as if a massive shift is about to occur in my style. I feel different.

That's why I left the sniper rifle at home.

Sarah Starke walked to her car, a seriously bitching Audi R8.

I really can't stand the cars everyone drives around here. Stupid bastards. A "vampire" that likes cars shouldn't drive a Volvo. What a fucking idiot.

Sarah stepped into her car and revved the engine. It is not often that I feel emotions such as joy, but the car comes pretty close. She screamed out of the parking lot, blazing past Edward's P.O.S. Volvo, with Bella sitting in it.

Edward looked at Bella. "Weren't you talking to that girl today?"

"Yeah, she seems a little off." Bella shrugged. "Edward, have I mentioned lately that your eyes look positively dreamy?"

"Goddammit," muttered Edward. "She is such a tiring bitch."

"Sw--sweetie, what did you say?"

"I mean, I love you, Bella!"

"Oh! All right, then." She smiled and sat back as Edward made a point of driving carefully out of the parking lot, staring with tremendous jealousy at the back of Sarah's Audi.

*************

Sarah's car was parked discreetly in the woods, while its occupant squatted inside a toolshed behind Lauren's house. Hidden within the confines of the dark, wooden shed, she dug through mildewed boxes to find a few of her favorite things.

One axe, to grind. Nail gun. Hammer. "Where is it. Where is it?" she muttered, and then screamed: "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" For a moment, Sarah forgot where she was, and then realized that she was trying to be subtle.

Haven't been great with that lately.

It didn't matter; the beautiful, beautiful chainsaw was within her view now. She picked it up, took an empty box, and carried it out to her car.

This will do for now.

Lauren didn't see the tall, lanky woman sitting outside her house when she left to walk to the drugstore.

Sarah leaped off the front stoop, the hammer in her pocket, and raced after Lauren, slowing to a walking pace as she caught up to her first target.

"Hi there."

Lauren looked at Sarah. "Oh, hi."

"Uh, I was wondering, can you tell me how to get back to the woods? I lost a toolkit, I just moved from California, and I get lost so easily."

"Oh. Er. Of course. It's over there," she said, pointing behind Sarah's head.

"Well, you see, I'm more of a visual learner. Could you walk me there? I know it's out of your way, but I'd really appreciate it." Her tone was ever-so-wheedling.

"I suppose," grumbled Lauren, leading the way back to the woods.

Sarah followed, the hammer burning a hole in her pocket.

A short time later, Lauren shrugged. "Here it is."

"Oh, thank you," Sarah purred. "Lauren, by the way--do you like Katy Perry?"

"Yes, actually, why--aaaarrrrgggghhhh!"

Sarah swung the hammer up and then down in a perfect arc, straight into Lauren's deeply, deeply bitchy brain, where it made an equally deeply satisfying splat.

"I really think that 'Hot N Cold' is an interesting commentary on the modern relationship--I know that the lyrics seem stupid, but really they're not! Really!" The hammer made another good, wet noise as she pulled it out again, sending tiny fragments of skull fluttering to the ground. Sarah's face, dripping with warm blood, wore a rather goofy smile.

She scraped the hammer across the opened top of Lauren's head once more, scraping out a few more bits of brain, and then sighed.

Number one.

Aloud, to herself, she said:

"God, what a bitch."