Making a Ho a Housewife: Hosea and Gomer

Chapter 2: Step One

                Once Hosea was completely awake and done with his morning rituals, he prepared himself for his morning meditation. He started with prayer and the reading of scriptures. He sang a hymn and stilled himself to listen to God. After his meditation time, he ate breakfast and wrote out a plan of how he was going to get Gomer to marry him. The first step was to talk with his pastor.

                Hosea got in his car and headed for the church. He could see signs advertising Gomer’s services everywhere. It was as if they were taunting him. Was he really going to go through with this? He had to; he couldn’t let God down. Driving on his regular route, he could clearly see the road that led to “that” part of town. The Sexually Oriented Businesses or SOBs as they were called, were by law on their own side of town. That’s why it was referred to “that” part of town. It was not a place you went to by accident. There was no way for a wayward driver to accidently end up there. There was only one way into Sex Town and one way out.

                As he entered the Ministry Center, he could see people doing church work and the work of the church. There was a difference. In room 114 there was an AA meeting going on. Room 116 had a NA meeting going on. He could see the senior citizens in one of the Art Rooms preparing for a pottery class. The GED class was being held in the computer lab on the second floor. Everything seemed to be going the way it was supposed to.

                Hosea walked through the halls and came to the Pastor’s study. He greeted the workers in the office.

“Good morning everyone.”

“Minister Hosea,” replied John, reaching out to shake his hand. “I must say I can’t wait for Bible Study Wednesday night. I’ve been reading the notes and trying to catch up.”

“Glad to hear it man. I know it’s hard when you have to go out of town.”

“You know, you should let my son help you in making some Podcasts; publish them on the internet so everyone can hear the lesson. That way I can download and listen anytime. He’s really into computers; he did a better job of setting up our wireless connection than the cable company.”

“I’ll think about it for the next series. I wouldn’t want to publish anything half way through.”

“But that’s just it. You can record your notes anytime. You know just speak them into a digital recorder as if you were teaching and he can upload it to the church’s site. Think about it.”

“Thanks John, I will.” He turned to the lady sitting at the desk. “Is he in Hannah?”

“Looks like he just finished his phone call; let me see if he has some time.” She called into the study and gave Hosea and nod that he could go in. He walked in and greeted his Pastor.

“Good morning Hosea. I didn’t expect to see you today.” Pastor Zachariah said as they shook hands.

“I didn’t expect to be in today either.” Zachariah motioned for him to take a seat and he did.

“Well, what can I help you with?” Hosea sighed and began to tell his Pastor about his conversation with the Lord.

“Well, a few years ago God told me to do something and I haven’t done it yet. Mainly because I didn’t think it was for me; I mean I couldn’t see myself doing it. And last night he reminded me of that.”

“What did he tell you to do?”

“To marry and prostitute.” The Pastor looked at him with a questioning look.

“Really?” Hosea nodded in his response. “Well, you’re probably not the first. May not be the last. That’s certainly an interesting assignment.”

“He spoke to me last night and let me know that as long as she and I were single, that I was disobeying Him. And that’s the last thing I want to do, believe me. He even told me which one to marry.”

“So what’s the hold up?”

“How do I marry a prostitute? I wrote out a plan, you know as if I were making plans to marry a regular woman, but I don’t even know if this will work. Are we supposed to date? Do I just go to the house she’s working in and drag her out and to the alter?”

“What did the Lord say?”

“That her name was Gomer and she’s supposed to be my wife.”

“Gomer? Wow, if you’re going to do it, do it big. She’s popular and she makes Money Mike some serious dollars.”

“So I’ve heard. Am I supposed to go and buy her or what?”

“Let me see your plan.” Hosea handed his plan to his pastor. “Ok, step one accomplished. We’re here talking about it. I'll mention it in my meeting with the Elders later today. If they have any questions, I can have them call you.”

“Will they allow me to do this?”

“Allow you? Hosea, this mission came directly from God and it sounds like He is very clear in what He wants. None of us get a say in it; not even you.”

“Yes sir.”

“So step two will be taken care of. Now, for step three you have ‘talk to her’. Have you thought about what you’re going to say?”

“Not really. I know I should try and earn her trust. Maybe I can ask her for a date and maybe she’ll say yes. Do you think I should tell her upfront about the end result?”

“Yes, I think you should. How do you think she’ll accept it?” Zachariah asked.

“She will probably laugh at me. But I don’t have a choice. God said she was the one. I’m pretty good on the spot so I guess I’ll see how she reacts and go from there.”

“Step four is date. What kind of dates are we talking about?”

“You know, ones were we can get to know each other, movies, dinner. Those kinds of things. I need her to trust me so she’ll leave the lifestyle. I know I’ll have to help her get used to being outside the life, but I think Rebekkah will be a great help when Gomer is ready.”

“Yes she will. Last step is marriage. Are you hoping there will be love between you? It is sort of an arranged marriage and love doesn’t always happen.”

“I hope so. I figured God chose me so she could receive things that she’s missing. I’m assuming love may be one of those things.”

“Are you afraid?”

“A little. Not of her and not Money Mike either. Well, not much afraid of him. I’m more afraid of what people will say.”

“Hosea, people talk. As a servant of God, you must do His will.”

“I know Pastor Zachariah. But I’m afraid the members won’t take my sermons and teachings seriously. I’m afraid that the non-believers will think that too. They won’t see me as a Man of God, but just another man.”

“But you are just another man Hosea. The only thing that could ever be considered a separator is that we have been called for this particular purpose. We all are called to do something in God’s Kingdom. You just happened to have answered this certain call to do things other people can’t.” Pastor Zachariah looked at his list again. “I tell you what, we’ll pray about it. And unless God tells you something else, you go with what you have here. If you’re told to change your plan, then you change it. Agreed?”

“Agreed.” The Pastor and his Associate Minster joined hands and they prayed.

“Dear Lord, Thank You for the mission You have given Your servant. Almighty Father, equip him for this task. Fill him with courage, give him the words to say, protect him. We know that this is more than just about marriage. There is a message for us, Lord. Equip us to assist him when we need to. This we ask in Your name, Amen.”

 A/N: In case you were wondering the term SOBs or Sexually Oriented Businesses is real. Here in Memphis SOBs refer to strip clubs (straight and gay) and adult stores (selling books, videos, costumes, toys, etc). Here they have to be at least 1000 feet away from churches and schools. They don’t have a particular part of town to be in but many of them are in a certain part of town and everyone knows it. To my knowledge there are no houses of prostitution (no legal ones anyway). Hey, there’s even an old law on the books that if there are more than eight women living in one place and it is not registered as a Nunnery, it’s considered a brothel. That’s the reason there are no sorority houses in TN. No one believes in the law, yet there are no sorority houses.