Lost and Found

For JENNIEFER for your awesome review!

(I was afraid of going too far with this chapter since I'm not sure how far is too far, but I hope that you like it anyway.)

Chapter 23: Darkest Days.

Carrie's POV

As all of the Cullen siblings were piling into Edward's tiny Volvo I could feel my guts tightening in apprehension. Something was going to happen to take my happiness away; a sinking feeling that never brings any good news. So I just sat in Edward's lap waiting for the 'blow' to come.

When I was told that I had to stop coming to the Cullen home I was devastated. 'Why are they doing this to me,' I questioned myself. 'Had I done something wrong for them to not want me anymore? Do they no longer like me? I had thought everything was going good with the relationships we have formed.' As I thought this I fought with everything I had to stop the feelings of depression, abandonment, and unworthiness that wanted to consume me. 'Or had they been playing around with me all along? Did they play with me like a shiny new toy or puzzle that the final picture was unknown and now that their curiosity has been satisfied they are going to toss me aside.' As I thought all of this I made sure to block my thoughts so that Edward wouldn't tell what I was thinking, and I tried to hide what I was feeling from Jasper.

When they told me that I couldn't visit anymore for my safety I was touched. They didn't want anything to happen to me because they were concerned about me, they loved me. I remembered the stories of the Volturi that they told me when we were getting to know each other so I knew that they were a dangerous bunch and that they are all in danger for what they have done for me even with their good intentions.

As they explained that they had to get rid of all traces of my existence I began to think over my life so far. Everywhere that I have moved to I had to fade in then fade out. Never to be seen or heard and none would be the wiser of my time spent there. This was all the same as all of the other times but this time I had to hide from the ultimate hunter. The punishment for failure would be worse than any beating that I have received. Failure would mean my death, most likely by having every drop of blood sucked out of my body and my loved ones being torn to shreds and the remains burned.

I found myself hoping that they would hold their promise to come and find me when the danger had passed. They have all worked their way into my heart that I had long thought to be buried in stone and encaged in ice. They are all precious to me and I don't want them to have any problems on my account. They are the family that I have always dreamed about being a part of. While other girls dreamed of being a princess or ballerina or something like that, I dreamed of a family to call my own. Loving and doting parents, siblings to hang out with and to look after each other; to form a bond that will last a lifetime, someone that I have something similar with; this is what I want.

With the Cullen's I have that and so much more. I have never felt so good about myself in all my life. I have confidence in myself and everything I do that I have never felt before. And, dare I say it, I feel like a normal girl. I feel attractive at times and I have started to put more time, care and energy into my appearance. I have loved ones who worry about me and make sure that I have the best of everything.

And of course there is Edward; he has invoked feelings and sensations in me that I have never felt or ever imagined that I would ever feel in my entire life. Even with all my flaws and imperfections he has loved me unconditionally. He has loved me as a man should love a woman and I have found myself basking in the glow of his love. I have been enjoying every moment of attention that he has given me.

When I noticed that the siblings were looking at me in worry and concern, waiting to see what my reaction would be. I found myself reassuring them that I would be alright. It isn't the first time that I have been on my own after all. They were relieved that I appeared to be fine with everything and understood why they were doing what they were doing and we continued as we have been.

I knew that the Cullen's were only looking out for me but I can't help the feeling of abandonment that I was experiencing. I had a feeling that everything that has happened to me was too good to be true. My happiness wasn't going to last forever and I was going to be paying the price for wishing that it was true.

The days have passed much the same as always. The only difference is that we were all clingier of each other, (them to me and me to them). I was always with at least one of them like we were glued at the hip. It wasn't that far from the truth; whenever any one of them was near me they would stand or walk as close as possible, even Jasper and Rosalie. Emmett, Edward and Alice would hold me so close that they were practically carrying me.

We moved as a group and I was never alone. My 'siblings' were with me at school and work. Carlisle would pick me up from work even though the others were there with their own vehicles that way we would have some time together and he would drive slower toward home while we talked about our days. At home after I took a shower Esme would comb my hair and I would help her with the dishes after supper. I spent the entire time with someone.

On the last night Esme made me one of my favorite dinners with ice cream and cake for dessert. Despite everything I couldn't help the feeling that this was my last meal or something like that. We enjoyed our time together and all too soon it was time for me to leave. That night only Edward came with me to my den. He carried me the whole way on his back; my limbs wrapped tightly around him and his hands holding my upper thighs right below my butt. I could feel his thumb moving up and down against my leg.

That night we held each other closely and things got a little steamy. As we lean in for a kiss good night we found that we were both reluctant to pull away. The longer it lasted the more urgent that it became. I could feel a fire building between us and I didn't want it to stop. Some clothes were shed and tentative touches were given but we didn't take it any farther despite how much we wanted to but it would be too dangerous. It's bad enough that our scent would be heavier on each other after our little 'exploration' but it wouldn't be as bad if we actually crossed the line. If we did end up 'sleeping' with each other a bit of our partners scent would have been permanently imprinted on each other.

Edward was to leave the next morning at dawn but he was unwilling to leave and a few hours later after much more kissing and holding we stood in front of each other outside of my den. Our hands were clasped between our chests and out foreheads were against each others. We looked deep into each other's eyes and with one last long, slow, gentle kiss he backed away from me. Our arms stretched out toward each other, hands still connected and we slowly pulled apart further and further. I watched as he slowly backed away from me deeper into the forest toward his home and out of sight. I stood there watching where he disappeared to hoping that I would see him soon and that hopefully this was a dream.

The next week of school was very lonely for me. Even though there was one week before winter break started the Cullen's weren't at school. They stayed at home so that they could clean the house and properly prepare for their visitors. They also stayed at home so that my scent wouldn't be on them and they wouldn't be tempted to touch me. The excuse given to the school was that they were going to Italy to visit some family and to tour the country. Before they left Alice gave me some money so that I could buy a warm lunch.

School and work has gone on much the same as always, I was just feeling kind of lonely and the days seemed to drag on forever. The only thing that was unusual was that a couple of times that I went into the bathroom and I heard someone that was sick. When I went to check on the person it turned out to be Bella. At first she was really angry at me but after some words were said, me mainly expressing my concern, she flung herself into my arms, knocking me into the wall behind me which I slid down until we were both sitting on the floor and spent about the next half hour crying. We missed class but we didn't get into too much trouble, it was then that Bella told me that she was pregnant. She did a home pregnancy test that came back positive and she went to the hospital for one of their tests and the results should be in soon.

When I didn't talk her down or anything about her condition Bella became quite friendly with me. She apologized about how she has been acting and confided in me that she still wanted Edward. I explained to her that Edward still has some feelings for her and he always will but he has moved on and she should as well with a baby on the way. She explained that the father was Jacob Black and she hasn't told anyone that she is pregnant but naturally everyone knows. I told her just to keep her head held high and keep moving forward. When she asked about Edward I didn't say anything for I made a promise that I wouldn't say anything about what was happening.

The week was half over and there were just a couple of more days before school was out for winter break. I was walking down the drive way when Thom was on the porch. I started to panic because I had no idea why he would be out there. I haven't done anything wrong. Did he find out about the Cullen's? Or is it something else?

I was relieved however when he told me that my half siblings would be coming tomorrow for the holidays and that tonight they would be gone so that I could clean the house. I wasn't relieved that I had to clean this late at night and that Howard and Helen were coming over; I was relieved that I wasn't in trouble of some sort. I wasn't looking forward to another beating. That night I knew that I wouldn't be getting any sleep but I got to work anyways. What I didn't know that soon enough that that was going to be the least of my worries. The first few days passes peacefully for they (Howard and Helen, the step siblings) were getting use to our time zone even though they drove here from where ever it was they went to after graduating.

I spent my time standing out in my post watching as the snow began to gently fall from the sky. I was wearing warmer clothes that were provided by the Cullen's underneath the larger clothes that I have always had. Over top of my clothes I had a trash bag over them so that they wouldn't get to wet from the snow.

It was during the first weekday of the break was that everything started to go downhill. I was cleaning the driveway of the snow that has been falling. It was pretty dark out and I was worried about the weather, for I didn't know what was coming but I still had a bad feeling about it. I could feel that the temperatures were getting colder and I tried to dress appropriately since I would most likely be standing outside during most of this.

I had just finished shoveling out the drive way and was putting the shovel away when I heard vehicles coming up the drive. Everyone had left earlier for breakfast in town. First came Thom and Liz's old vehicle and after them was Helen in her small beat up red Cadillac. After them was Howard in an early eighties small dodge pickup that had a snow plow on the front.

'That would have been useful like two hours ago. Then again it would be helpful later too if this snow keeps up like it is,' I thought as I looked to the sky which has only darkened as the day has progressed. I could have sworn that I heard thunder earlier and I was reminded of the fun I had playing and watching the Cullen's playing baseball.

"Brat get over here," I heard Thom shout out. I let out a sigh and headed in his direction. As I approached him, he was standing on the porch and Liz and her children were heading into the house. Both Howard and Helen were around 5'5" and easily weighed 300 pounds. They both had short dark brown hair, large pig like noses and mouths with small lips that were constantly hanging open and you could see their tongues sticking out between their teeth. They were around twenty-five to thirty years old (Howard is the older) and had a very dirty appearance. (Liz is in her mid - late forties and Thom in his early fifties.)

"You need to clean out the back yard so that I can see the ground. I want this done now and done quickly so hurry your lazy ass up and get to work," Thom said as he turned around and headed in to the house.

I let out another sigh and headed back to the shed to get the shovel and get to work. I had a bad feeling about this and I hoped that I was wrong. I set to work clearing out the good half foot of snow that had fallen since it began to snow.

I was working for a few hours since I had to walk to the forest edge to dump the snow and I was getting sore and worn out from all the shoveling I was doing until I heard Thom shouting for me again. I quickly headed to my post and set the shovel along side of the house. When I got there Thom immediately told me what he wanted me to do.

"I want a small hole dug in the middle of the back yard as wide as this shovel and two feet deep," he said as he tossed a regular garden shovel in my direction. I caught the shovel before it could hit me and waited until he was back in the house before I went out and completed my next task.

It was hard to get started for the ground was frozen solid and took me forever to dig into it and it didn't start softening up until over six inches in. It was a piece of cake digging the hole then and completing my task. Just as I was finishing the hole the end of the shovel fell off and into the hole. I stared into the hole for a moment, cursing my luck before I knelt down and reached for the shovel head.

As I went to stand up I felt something slam against my back and knock me down. Before I could even move to look behind me or to get up I felt another blow on the back of my shoulders just shy of my head and neck. I then felt another kick in the ribs. 'Not again' I thought as fear clouded my mind and I curled into a protective position. I had only just healed from the last time they 'punished' me. That didn't get any farther before I felt another blow around my upper back and the back of my head before the lights went out.

When I started to come around again I could feel a throbbing in my head. As I came to a bit more I was aware of my surroundings but what was most prevalent was the fact that I was wet and cold. I lay there trying to gather my wits about me. There was blackness surrounding my vision and I just lay there as it slowly engulfed my vision and I was gone again.

I'm not sure how long I was out but when I finally came to I was covered in about two inches of snow. As I took note of my surroundings and tried to determine the time of day. I must be late in the day for the dark clouds are even darker suggesting that it was evening and by the looks of things I was still outside in the back yard.

'Owe. What did they hit me with? I feel as though I got tackled against a brick wall.' For a few minutes I just sat there and tried to gather myself together. I had a throbbing headache and my vision was slightly blurry. I shivered from the chill that went down my spine due to the wind blowing across my wet form. As I sat there willing my headache to go away I felt a strange weight against my collar bone. I slowly brought my hand up and felt around. I had to pull my hand away quickly as it came in contact with something cold.

I slowly brought my hand up again but continued to explore what was around my neck. It was cold and hard, most likely metal and it encircled my entire neck. They had placed a collar on me! As I felt around some more I could tell that my hair was underneath said collar and there was a chain that was connected to the back.

I grabbed the chain and pulled the length up so I could see where it leads to and how long it was. It was roughly twelve feet in length allowing me roughly the same amount of room and it was connected to a post. After slowly getting up on unsteady legs I walked the short distance to the post. I uncovered the bottom of it and noticed that the post was in a recently dug hole, most likely the one that I dug out earlier.

I clawed desperately at the ground hoping to maybe getting myself free. Alas it looked like water was poured in with the dirt so it was now a giant block of ice so the only results I got were torn nails which caused them to bleed around the cuticles and stinging fingers. I tried tugging on the chain, trying to get free. I even tried to break the post but that just resulted in some bruises and some splinters I my hands; the post was just too thick and too strong. I was hungry and cold and wet and I could tell that everything was just going to get worse.

That night I didn't sleep, I was scared that if I did I wasn't going to wake up again. The snow started to come down harder and I had to move to keep warm. I was already trembling like a leaf and my skin was stinging and numb from the exposure to the cold air and wind. My area became covered in snow so I walked around scraping my boot along the ground to clear it out hoping to maybe make a wall that I could use for some protection from the wind since there wasn't much that I could do anything with. I cleared out an area large enough that my leash allowed me to.

That night it got really cold and the only thing that I was wearing was a baby blue v-neck sweater that was one of my favorites, a pair of jeans and my hiking boots. Everything else that I was wearing along with my other layers must have been removed while I was knocked out. I was freezing and wet; my skin stung and burned and I couldn't feel my fingers, toes, ears or nose.

I was too far away to get shelter from the house and too far away from any trees that I could branches to use to block out the snow and wind. So I tried to huddle against the post as best as I could, keeping my back to the harsh wind which was hard to do since it was coming from every direction. Slowly the dark fingers reached across my vision and I fell to sleep in the middle of the night.

I awoke sometime the next morning with a sharp pain in my side and a quick one on the opposite side of my face. When I was able to look up Thom and Howard were standing a few feet away from me and I could see Helen and Liz standing farther away, closer to the house. I tried to stand but my body felt so stiff so my movements were slow.

"Awe, you look cold. Here, let me help," Howard said as he tossed a cup full of hot steaming water in my face. I was so tired and cold that I could barely move. I tried to raise my hands up to block but I still got some scalding water on the face and in my eyes.

I let out some shrieks as the hot water came in contact with my skin and I clawed at my eyes for they hurt so much; I could hear them laughing at me as if I was providing them with entertainment. The pain of my skin was bad but my eyes hurt much worse. As I was trying to relieve the pain in my eyes I heard a crack and felt a burning sting across my back. I moved my body forward; my back arched, and threw my head back. I opened my eyes to try and look around but they stung so much that I had to close them.

I tried to stand up but someone struck me down with a kick to the back of my knees. I felt what I have guessed was a whip strike my back again followed by more kicks. The process continued again and again with a variation of kicks and punches. I could hear women laughing in the back ground. I tried to escape from the attacks but they were so numerous and in such quick succession that I wasn't able to. As I moved around I could feel some warmth return to me which made the stinging cold of my skin more noticeable from the numbness from before. I could hear them shout but I was just too confused and trying too hard to get away that I couldn't understand what was being said. The only good thing was that my eyes stopped stinging or was it that that pain was buried over the new pain. I'm not sure how long this lasted for but my back felt like it has been scraped against a cheese grater, my arms and legs stung from the slashes that they received that were probably meant for my back and I was sore from the beatings and I was exhausted from being out in the cold and trying to escape from the whip and the kicks and punches. I fell and just couldn't will myself to stand back up from my curled up position I could feel that the only thing that was probably keeping my sweater on was the collar, a small section at the bottom and top and my crossed arms.

After a while and nothing happened I assumed that they were gone. I slowly opened my eyes and uncovered my face from my arms that I had raised to try and protect myself from injury. I looked around and saw that I was alone in the clearing. As I tried to take stock of what was what I could feel something, probably blood, run down my back was the worst of my injuries. I tore my sweater the rest of the way, took it off then out it back on the other way. I lay on the ground and hoped that the pressure would stop the bleeding. I closed my eyes in attempt to block out the pain but I could feel myself start to drift between being asleep and awake. God I hurt so badly, I think that this is the one of the most painful moments I have ever felt in my whole pain filled life. I just wanted it to go away. It was a few hours later that I vaguely heard the sound of heavy plastic moving and soon I couldn't feel the wind and snow batter against my form.

Were they sheltering me? I don't have the energy to open my eyes to see what was happening. Then again it was probably better that they thought that I was out cold. Why would they do that? I had no idea. I could hear two male voices but it was difficult to understand them since they were so slurred; they were most likely drunk.

"Dis iz ta make sure that we can haz usssome more fun later," I heard Thom slur.

"Can I have ssssome real fun wid it la'er? Alls I did waz kick and pun' it 'day," Howard slurred back.

"We'll both be havin' us zome fun later and we can drag itz out for az long az we wants to," was Thom's answer.

So that was why they were 'sheltering' me, they plan on having some more fun later. I curled up into as tight as a ball as I could, despite my body's protest, and I reached up and grabbed my necklace. I'm surprised that I still have it. I thought that if they had seen it they would have taken it. I was glad that I had it though, for I held it in my hand and kept repeating a mantra in my head. 'If I don't try to survive for myself, I have to survive for them; even if it is just to see them one last time.' I kept thinking if not for me them for them over and over again and with a sore, battered and hungry body I fell asleep.

For what I'm guessing was the next few days I was beat up and stuck with the whip all over my body. It was hard to tell for everything was just one giant torturous blur. In the constant darkness and snow, time lost all meaning. I could even feel cuts on my face and over my eyes, one of which was over my right eye; starting above the brow going over my eye down to my cheek bone. I must have got that one while trying to escape the whip that Thom was using, trying to be fancy with it to show off, and Howard who was lunging and swiping at me with a knife. I'm not sure if it was caused by the whip or the knife, all I know is that his stung like heck and I had to keep that eye closed for a while. What didn't hurt from the pain was numb from the cold. I couldn't feel my face or anything below my knees and below my forearms. I was so tired so exhausted I was surprised that I was even able to move, but I did barely notice that I continued to get slower in my movements.

Today was different though. Today instead of kicking me awake I was jerked up by my chain and they took off my collar. I would have taken that time to try and flee but I couldn't move. I was so cold and weak that I couldn't manage any movement. The hunger pains have stopped long ago, I'm not sure how long for have lost all sense of time.

After they took off my collar I was dropped to the ground where my head hit with a dull crack then I felt like I was being moved. I could tell that I was being dragged because I could feel the cold hard ground move underneath me. I could also tell that my left leg was at a weird angle and held higher than my body and my other leg at a weird, painful angel so that is how I must be being dragged. I could feel my other leg picked up and placed with the other and something hard wrapped around then before I began to move again. I slowly opened my eyes just a crack and I could just make out blurs moving (up) above me.

Then I heard the truck start as I began to feel the cold sting of the snow against my skin. It felt like I was in some deep snow for I felt like I was surrounded and I could feel more falling in around me, burying me. I just wished just to be left here trapped beneath the snow but it didn't come true. Shortly after I heard the truck rev up and start to move farther from me I felt a strong jerk on my body that was so rough that I felt a popping sensation in both of my ankles, knees and my right hip.

I could feel the snow passing me back and my back being scrapped against fallen branches, roots and rocks. After the long, rough, cold and wet ride we finally came to a stop. I heard the doors slam and someone approached me. I then felt a pain on my scalp as a hand grasped the hair on the top of my head and picked me up that way. I could feel the hairs being pulled out and it felt as though my scalp was tearing because of my weight hanging from that point.

"Wake up you lazy brat, you have work to do," Thom shouted in my ear as he roughly shook me then dropped me at his feet. When I didn't move I was kicked so that I rolled over onto my stomach. I tried my best to get up but I was just so tired that I could only manage to get up on my shaky hands and knees, with the help of some kicks to give me some lift.

"We all know that you are a bitch but we don't need you to prove that now. Get the fuck up and get your ass to work and clean out this clearing of snow," Thom said. I heard the sound of metal against metal then felt something crash on to my back, causing me to fall back into the snow. I then felt someone grab my arm and drag me somewhere then I was shoved roughly to the ground with whatever it was before dropped onto my back again. "We'll be back in a couple of hours so make sure you are done by then. Helen and Liz are in the car watching you so don't even think about going anywhere." With that I heard the motor rev and fade away.

I lay there on the ground attempting to gather my energy and I eventually got up and sat back on my knees with the help of a nearby rock and tree. It took a while for my body was so numb I couldn't even tell if I was moving. I felt so weak I wasn't aware of anything around me. It was slow work due to that and the icy surface of what I was using as handholds. I sat there and tried to open my eyes which I was able to just a tiny bit but everything was really blurry. All that I could make out were white and brown blurs. 'I'm so tired' was the only thing besides the numbing pain that I could comprehend with my muddled mind. I grabbed onto a nearby post and slowly pulled myself up to my feet and held on until I was steady, panting heavily from the exertion.

I was really dizzy and my mind was fuzzy. I doubt that Helen and Liz were somewhere nearby but I should get to work anyways. After I gathered what energy I could I picked up the shovel, the thing that was dropped on my back, and got to work. It was long slow work and the only sound was the wind blowing through the trees and my scraps of what was left of my clothing flapping in the wind. My top half was left naked, covered in dried and newly moisturized blood, and what was left of my pants was barely enough for a pair of short shorts with a few slivers of fabric left of the legs. My skin was bright red with some other discolorations as well. The skin on my bare feet was the worse for they were a darker color than the rest, except for maybe my hands. With every movement it is like my skin is catching fire and if I had a voice I would be screaming my pain loud enough for the whole forest to know. I guess it was lucky that I couldn't even find my voice at the moment. I'm so tired.

It was practically impossible to clean out the large clearing during the middle of a blizzard but I did the best that I could. The truck eventually came back with the plow on the front pushing the snow away when I finally managed to get most of the clearing done. The worse storm seemed to have mostly passed by now but it was still snowing.

They must have not liked the work that I have done because they drove through the clearing, around everything moving the snow out of the way forming a wall around the clearing. In the smaller areas one of them, I'm not sure which grabbed the shovel out of my hands, causing some cuts to form, and shoved me against a tree. I stumbled a bit farther before I fell down unable to support myself any longer. I sat there out of the way, leaning against a tree for support.

When they were done they turn and came toward me. I tried to stand up, crawl or get away, but I couldn't. I'm just too tired. Thom came toward me and yanked me up painfully by my arms. The contact to my skin was like a million of hot needles then Howard shoved something into my gut. I leaned over where I was leaning over his arm then I felt a most painful shock and fell to the ground. I was out cold before I hit.

I woke up and after I got my eyes opened and focused I looked around. Everywhere that I looked I could see blood and the way that my body felt I wouldn't be surprised that they had some fun with my body while I was out. I could feel something warm move across my skin. I focused on my arm, the nearest source of the feeling and saw blood running down it where I felt the warmness to be which further proves my theory to be right. I knew that I was badly injured but I was past caring, past feeling. My body was just so numb and full of pain at the same time that it was like my body wasn't really there.

I moved slightly so that I could determine how my body was. My head was being held up by a chain and collar around my neck. My arms were held out to my sides and slightly above my head. I couldn't move my head due to how tightly my head was held up; I was choking at the angle I was in. I could feel shackles on my ankles and above the knees that were holding my legs apart. To prevent myself from choking I had to stand up straight on my knees.

I was on my knees, losing myself in my own little world, faintly noticing that it wasn't snowing as bad as it was before, when I was painfully brought back by a hot burning sensation right between the shoulder blades. I threw my head back and let out a scream. When I stopped I could smell the burning flesh. Helen slowly walked around in front of me with a red hot poker near her lips. Liz came around on the other side with a small charcoal grill next to her. Helen stuck the poker into the fire and pulled it back hotter than before.

"Let's see the boys had some fun with you, now it is out turn. What should we do mother," Helen 'sweetly' asked Liz as she turned toward her.

"Well dear, you have the poker and I have some bleach here," Liz said holding out a small battle of said chemical. "I think that you should burn her and I should pour some of this on the burns," she finished with a cruel smile.

Helen had the same sadistic smile on her face as she held the hot poker up and slowly began to move it toward my eyes. I tried to pull back but my restraints wouldn't allow me much movement; a few inches back at most.

"I wouldn't do that sweetie," Liz said. "It should watch everything that we do to it. Besides the boys still have one more thing to plan to do for some fun. Your father and brother need some release and they are going to get it."

They both turned toward me with those insane smiles on their faces and began to have their 'fun.' Helen moved the poker over what felt like every inch of my body. It hurt like heck and sometimes immediately after Helen burned me Liz would pour bleach over top of it. Several times I could feel and see the darkness creeping into my vision but I never slipped into the bliss that is nothing. Just as I was about to escape the pain would bring me back. My throat felt so raw from all of the screaming. All around the shackles I was sore and the cuts from them, caused by trying to escape from them, stung. I could feel a small amount of blood escape from these cuts. All of this struggling was making me weaker, but I was going on nothing but instincts at this point and my instinct were set on flee.

This occurred all day until the snow began to fall heavier so they left me there in that clearing all night. I knew that I should be dead with everything I have been through. It's been below freezing and snowing constantly but I promised myself that I would not die. I had to see the Cullen's again even if it was to tell them how much I love them before I die.

Again I wasn't sure how long I was here either but the routine was that I had to clear the area of snow, sometimes with my bare hands and sometime having to use my back against the wall that was forming to compact the snow together, then I was chained back up and Howard or Thom would use the whip on me while that other used a knife then Helen would follow up with the hot poker with Liz occasionally added bleach or something to the mix. Each day it was something different but just as painful. The pain was unbearable and I just wanted it to end. But there was a little more to come.

One day just Howard and Thom came into the clearing. The looks that I could barely make out on their faces had me slightly worried. They both had smug cocky grins on their faces and my muddled mind couldn't come up for a reason why. Thom set up a camera and I saw the little red light come on.

"Now it is time to put this bitch in its place. It has come to our attention that it has skipped work for about a month before Thanksgiving while I was having a chat with its boss. It has also occurred to me that it may have been sleeping around like the whore that it is. It should know that it only belongs to us and it is not a person." Thom said.

"I recalled seeing something that looked like hickies on it neck earlier," Howard said as he came up beside me and ran his filthy fat fingers through what was left of my hair. Sometime it had been crudely removed either by the whip, knife or just yanked out. "What is this," he asked as he grabbed hold of my necklace. I tried to fight but I couldn't move due to how tired I was and the restraints.

He yanked the chain and I felt it break against my neck and he held it out toward Thom. Thom took it and examined it. "Isn't this a pretty piece of junk. Can't be worth much if it has it," he said as he tossed the necklace away from us. I followed its path as best as I could but I could barely see anything due to Helen and Liz. Having heat next to my eyes and some bleach run into them wasn't a good thing.

"I guess we just have to show that it belongs to us," Thom said as he and Howard started to take off some of their layers and walked behind me. It took a while but when I felt one of them grab my hips after the last bit of my clothing was torn away it clicked. They were going to rape me. Despite how I felt I began to fight back as hard as I could, energy slowly began to return to me as I began to panic, but my restraints again held me immobile and let out a scream and tears as I felt one of them enter me.

It was so painful and felt like I was being split in two, but he didn't stop. It seemed in fact that my tears and screams and trying to get away just encouraged him. Even though it was freezing cold and snowing that did not stop them from raping me in different ways for the rest of the time that they were there.

I never wanted to die more in my entire life than right then. I just felt so dirty and it was so painful. That compiled with everything else that has happened to me I just wanted to die. I couldn't feel anything yet I was still in so much pain. Besides who can love me now that I am even more disfigured and no longer had my innocence, my virginity.

I'm not sure how long it lasted but I started to close up in myself and shut down so I wasn't aware what was around me when they began to put what they took off back on and packed up to leave. "Why are you so sad for," one of them asked. I couldn't make out whom through my tears that made my already blurry vision worse. "You should happy that we showed you that sort of attention."

Then I heard the other one speak. "Maybe we should put a smile on its face." I felt someone grab both sides of my face and roughly jerked my head back so that my face was to the sky. I felt the collar tighten so that my head remained in the same position. I began to panic for I didn't know what they had in mind. Then I felt something that I recognized as being a blade dig into the corners of my mouth. I tried to get away but the restraints allowed absolutely no leeway. I could feel the sting as the blades bit into my skin; I could feel the painful pinch as the person dug them around. I could feel the tears run down my face, but I could no longer make any noise. I had worn my voice out screaming as they raped me. The blades disappeared just for me to feel them again near my ears. I could feel as they were dragged down back to the pits that were created at the corners of my mouth just to be quickly followed by the hot rod, sealing the wound shut. The burning against the raw meat of my cheek felt hotter than any other and I could make out the faint sizzling of my blood and flesh. When the rod was gone I felt something so cold it felt hot being moved along the fresh burns.

"There we go, now it will always be smiling," the first voice said. I felt the collar, which was choking me because I was unable to support by own weight and the position it was on my neck and how tight it felt, be removed and I began to fall toward the ground. I was stopped by a ruff jerk on my arms, causing them to dislocate, from the shackles preventing me from collapsing to the ground. Before they left one of them whacked me in the back in the head and the other punched me in the chest, causing me to gasp. I could just barely watch them leave and before I finally gave into the darkness. I was tired of fighting. I was just so tired of it all and I wanted it to end. The last thing that cross my mind was, 'I'm sorry Edward, everyone. I'm so sorry.' Then I knew nothing else.

I'M ON FACEBOOK - VALLEYGOAT HALE VALLEYGOAT 2 @ YAHOO . COM