Peter Pan and Me

CHAPTER 27: PART OF THE CURE

I cry every night for...how long was it? I cry a lot. I am bitter. Cold.
If the fairy doctor had his stethoscope to my breast as I suspect in my
sleep he has, he'd find my heart cold. Yet I go on for the Lost Boys.
Someone must take care of them. I think about chucking it all in and
taking them to homes across the Pacific or the Atlantic, Australia,
London, New Zealand, even America...but I don't. And I don't feel him
anymore. His presence. His light. His cheerfulness, his damned innocence
and bloodthirsty love for the fight, even the hunt, his in tune-ness with
things fairy and fantasy...I sometimes think I will open my eyes and he
will be floating over my body, the way he was that first night. The
shadows outlining that moptop of hair. His hair! Heehehe. A mess of rag
that looked totally brilliant on him. As he would float over me, that
quizzical look in his eyes, the exploration in his countenance...the tilt
of his head like a dog hearing a strange sound as he examines my mouth,
my lips, my...I think part of why I fell in love with him so fast was his
looks but while it was certainly love at first sight, head over heels,
literally as we flew, there was more to it than that. He was everything I
was not: good looking, young, healthy, athletic, vibrant, self
confident...and why not he was gorgeous, the most beautific smile, the
best body, the best eyes, the best, well everything. I'm sure there are
pictures of manhood or boyhood as the case may be that are better but
I've yet to find them in my life and while certainly I've seen pictures
of men more, how shall I say it? More macho, more masculine? I've seen
better muscled men and whatever but none of them come close to my Peter
Pan. I'd give them all up because nothing that could show me could ever
take me away from him. But wait? He is away? Isn't he? I swear sometimes
I could feel him here and there but tonight? I feel...someone over me?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled as I felt Seth's long hair brush across my
left nipple, the wooden chestnut hair dangling from his head in an
acutely rock star like way. "What are you doing!" I yelled and pressed
my right arm between us and shoved. Oddly enough, he wasn't that heavy
and...and that made me think of Peter Pan who wasn't heavy at all, for
he, as I've said many times so often that you probably are sick of it,
that he didn't weight anything at all and if he knew I were writing this
one fact so many damned times, he'd tell me I was in trouble, not because
it was his big secret but because I"m probably boring you with his one
main embarrassment over and over again and again. He'd like stories with
him to be exciting, fast paced, and bloody. What the fuck was I relaying
to you? Ahh yeah, this teen survivor from a shipwreck. Some kind of
Latino hottie, or Cuban, or Mexican, I'm not sure. Yet somehow he seemed
very American too. He reminds me of Peter. NOOOOO! He doesn't. Can't.

I shoved as hard as I could and pressed my arm against his chest and was
proud of myself not to have given into temptation...for he was surely
hot. I knocked him out of my bed sideways off the side of the bed. He
landed on his buttox and turned over and pushed himself off the floor.
I jumped out of bed and almost fell, on the other side. "God! What are
you doing?"

Seth shook his head, "God?" His hair fell to his shoulders.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I rounded the bed toward him,
"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I don't know," Seth put his hands up, fingers up, to ward me off, "I
was just..." Something in his manner made me feel he was being
sarcastic, mocking. "I just..." He giggled, "Thought from what I heard
you say in your sleep that you wanted...."

I shook my head from side to side, angry, "Wanted what?" I challenged
him to say it.

"Comfort." Seth said, dropping his smile and his laughter.

I waved around, "Well, how'd you find this place? It's supposed to be
secret..."

"I...I followed the gray squirrel and just, well stumbled upon it..."

The gray squirrel outside, made a noise that Peter or Tink would have
known was "he's a liar, no one follows me unless I want it to follow
me...smelly evil boy he is." But I couldn't yet understand the animal
languages, mostly. I was getting somewhat good at elephant. Something
nagged at my mind. The house seemed empty.

"Why did you wake me?" I rubbed dried tears that began to form anew.
Seth wanted to reach for them and tried but he hesitated and moved back.

"Do you want...want some breakfast?"

"Uhh, yeah, sure, that would be nice," Seth said, sitting on the bed.
"Nice place."

I moved over to the area which served as my kitchen area and the large
pot, "Real or imaginary?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I forgot." I did indeed. Peter always had to have his food either
real or imaginary. I can tell you when the others were hungry, they were
scared to tell Peter they wanted real food, Jennie excluded, he did
whatever he wanted, free from discipline from Peter, but if Peter wanted
to have fake food and they told him they wanted the real thing, he's
smack their heads or their fingers. I made some hot breakfast for Seth,
who seemed to like it, "Is it hot enough?"

"Yes," Seth ate, "It's hot enough...." His eyebrow on one side went up
but I wasn't sure which side went up. It seemed to be both and then one.

I blinked. I didn't care about his eyebrows. "He's gone. He's really
really gone."

"Yes," Seth stood up and came up behind me as I put some dishes away.
"He is." He touched me from behind. Put his arms around me. I closed my
eyes.

"Don't." I moved forward and hit the kitchen shelf. I was larger....you
know, down there. "I just can't get used to it. How long has it been?"

Seth shrugged, "Does it matter? A week I think. Two maybe? Time's weird
here. You should know that." He moved back and I turned.

"I don't mean to be rude, Seth, is that your name?" I moved at him.

"By what?"

"You can never replace Peter if that what you are..."

"I know it will always hurt. I know that no matter what you do, that pain
of his loss, his being gone forever, not existing..."

I laughed. "Not existing? He's somewhere. Some place. Don't you believe
in God?"

Seth didn't answer. He looked down, and he looked sad. He sat down again.
"I..."

I moved toward him and put a hand on his chin to make him look at me,
"Seth? What is it?"

"Nothing. Chase....Chase, are you sure Peter is dead?"

I grew angry again, "I think you should go. What kind of question is
that?"

"You buried him yes, but...I thought from the books..."

"Your books? I've been meaning to talk to you about that...some of them
are so wrong about Peter. I mean Hook as his father? Really," I laughed,
"And meeting that big Troll who wanted to go back to his bridge? I guess
that's possible, okay?"

"That's okay. But from the books, I read that if Peter died, Neverland
would cease to be, if he died...and in many ways, it's better..."

"SHUT YOUR ASS!" I ran at him and pointed in his face, "SAY THAT SHIT
AGAIN AND I'LL CREAM YOU!"

Seth looked down again as though he wanted to cause me to yell like this.
"It's good to let it out. You should do that more often. It's the real
you."

"You should never have come here," I made a fist now with that finger.
"I think..."

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed it. The sky is blue. The water's calm.
Lots of peace. The wind is not even that..."

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

Seth got up to leave. "I'll go."

"Good." I felt bad. He was all alone and I didn't just know that
mentally. I felt it. In his very being, he felt alone, his mind was
alone, in the dark, lost, not with others, not even a...a torturer or a
father or a mother....it was like that Star Trek episode where...never
mind. "Look, Seth..." I turned again toward him after having shown him
my back. "I don't know. Maybe there's some part of Peter still within
me...and that's why..."

Seth looked at me, but I didn't notice his look of anger. It was my turn
to look down at the floor. Seth's face looked confused, angry, and also
plotting. If I looked, I would have seen it. I didn't but there was
something genuine bothering him. "YOU?! You think that Neverland and you
are now..."

"Look I don't know," I laughed, "But Peter is somewhere...it could be
he's with God now..."

Seth's heart looked as though it was going to sink. He almost fainted.

"We had a lost boy named Oliver who...died and he..." Then I realized
what was wrong. "The boys. The Lost Boys. Where are they?"

"I...I don't know, they weren't here when I got here." Seth stood up and
went to the far wall side. "What's this? Their names, aren't they?"

"Yes," I moved over to the lines under the names, which I had carved into
the rock and dirt wall far up as I could reach. "I wrote their names
there because I wanted to test a theory."

"Theory?"

"I thought without Peter they would start growing older fast."

"I see. These lines here represent their height before Peter, or just as
Peter died?"

"Something like that. I did it the morning after we buried him. The
second line I did yesterday morning."

"They've grown alittle."

"Yes." I pointed to Jennie's line and went over it with my finger
lovingly. "My boys. I thought without Peter..." My voice trailed off and
then I cleared my throat, "So you see without Peter, some things are not
going to stick...of course, they are not growing fast but..."

Seth smiled, "Maybe it is time..."

"Don't say that and I thought I told you I want you to go?"

The fastest runner of the Lost Boys, Pare, came running down, "FIRE!"

"Fire?" I gasped, "Where are the others?"

"They're at the Indian camps, trying to evacuate the women and children!"

"What?" I grabbed him by the shoulders and bent down a bit.

"Yeah!" He talked fast and gasped. "I had to run all the way here." He
looked at Seth, "We cannot fly any longer. Peter...hey, what's he doing
here?" He asked me.

I ignored him but looked into his eyes, "Pare, where is the fire?"

Pare gasped, "Fires...there are two fires. One each in each Indian camp
village!"

"Two fires?" I said in a whisper and stood up slowly, "Not an accident."

"No, I don't think so either." Seth said.

Pare puffed, "And the men are out hunting...away...doing it in some
ritual in memory of Pe..."

"It's alright, you can say his name," I said quietly.

"Peter."


Peter. His cheeks came to mind. They were so perfectly round, smooth,
cheerful.

"Come on!" I urged Pare and Seth, "Let's go!"

As he followed me and then surpassed me, Pare said, "But there are so
many little children!!!!"

We ran out, me following Pare, Seth following me. Seth gave one backward
glance at the wall of the heights of the boys. Seth put his pointer
fingers together and a spark flew between them. He smiled and continued
to follow us.

As he did this, the split second, the fires doubled. There were two fires
on each side of each Indian camp. Smoke rose up from them. Seth made a
rude comment, "I guess they got their smoke signals in a tizzy."

I turned to look daggers into him, the way someone must have done to
Peter at various times. The way I must have done to Peter. But someone
put a real weapon in him. I still did not know who. The other Lost Boys
came running with Indian children in tow. They placed them on the ground,
all puffing, the children crying. I wanted to comfort each and every one
of them but I didn't want to waste time. "Guys, is this all of them?"

"No, far from it!" Aoi puffed and panted, leaning his hand on Sole's
knee as Sole bent down on the other.

"There are..." Bailey began.

His triplet that talked finished, "Lots more in both camps!"

"And look!" Je'ne pointed, "There are more fires on both sides of both
camp tepees! We'll never be able to reach them without flying!"

"And we can't do that without..." Rico began...

"Peter's not here so we have to make due with what we can..." I said,
"But we have to get to them somehow..."

Seth nodded, "Why?"

"Excuse me?" I turned to him.

"You got some of the savages away from the fire, the others....well, for
all you know, the adults set the fires on each other and..."

"What else?" I nodded, wondering if he was thinking what I was.

"Well, one of them could be the one who killed Peter Pan."

I nodded, "Maybe, but in my experience most Indians, especially Apaches
and Mahicans, do not use swords like the one that killed Peter. OUR
Peter."

Seth fumed but hid it well. Rollin puffed as he stood off a rock,
"Chase, the women are trapped too. We couldn't get to any of them. I
think....I think they'll be burned alive..."

"NO!" I fumed now. "I won't let them!"

"But there's nothing you can do," Seth came to my back and tried to put
his hands on my shoulders but I invisibly shook him away from me.

I thought "What would he do? "What would Peter do?" Did I say that out
loud. The thought of him made me burst out with air of sorrow but I had
to shake that. I swallowed. Tears reversed. An insane thought and plan
came to my mind. "Good, now I'm thinking like him." It couldn't work,
not without....

"YOU! COME DOWN HERE!" I yelled at the fairy boy who trailed us,
Oliveer, "NOW!"

"I don't feel like it. Whatever you are thinking of doing, it's
dangerous," the fairy said in his own language which I was much better at
since coming here.

"I want you to use fairy dust on me and I mean now!"

"I don't think so. YOU are not Peter and I don't think you have what it
takes to fly anyway. You need to prove to me that you are worthy."

"If you come down here," I fumed, and put on a fake voice that tried to
show that I cared what this cold hearted fairy wanted and I didn't think
my voice succeeded for I must have sounded threatening....just like Peter
might but only he could away with that......"Just alittle closer, I'll
prove it to you, I will." I had to keep control of myself. The fairy
boy, nude, floated above us, far out of reach. His light glew even in
the day time. I was beginning to feel the fire heat and smell the dry
smoke. I started to hear screams.

"I'm leaving you now. Forever. Peter was the only reason I stuck around
you loser lot."

"Leave later if you want. We must save the Indian squaws and children!"

"Not if there is a chance one of their number slew Peter Pan!"

Seth smiled and put his head down and averted his eyes to the ground.

"We don't know that they did it and what's more, one of the babies and
little little children didn't."

"No, I won't come down and you can't make me." The fairy laughed, "If
you think you can come and get me, come and get me. Goodbye."

Near my ear I felt my hair move. My right ear. Wind? Someone whispered
but fast. "Think Happy Thoughts and they'll lift you into the
air..rrahh-ha-ha."

Happy Thoughts? Ghost? Peter's a ghost? Or was it just the part of Peter
that was in my heart? I had been crying all night. And now to save lives
in two separate places I have to think happy thoughts? Snow on Christmas
Morning. Lite Snow. Love. Cheeky boys. Hearts on fire with love. Morning
sickness due to being pregnant. Baby being born. Peter being born. Flying
for the first time. Rocketing to Mars, evading giants, fighting Cyclops,
sailing boats, winning a race! Tingling came over my heart. First
birthday parties!It spread from there (pin the tail on the donkey!) and
worked its way up my arms (smacking candy out of a pin'ata!) to my hands
so that I thought energy could actually be seen there. Diving headfirst
from a thousand feet off a cliff. It felt like powerful (staring at a
cute boy in a video store like Blockbuster!) and warm steel making its
way through my entire trunk (a litter of baby kittens!), to my legs (a
loyal dog!), I shook with it. Dancing with a blue eyed blond boy! It was
Peter. Flying upside down with your eyes shut. It was Happy. Mud
fighting! It was light. Building a snow fort! It was fast. Crashing a
spaceship into the moon! Fireflies and lightning bugs! The energy made me
feel non human and yet more human than I ever felt before. A sprouting,
evolving angel! I found myself up like a shot and with one fist out.
Shocked as the rest of us, the fairy boy was not ready. He found himself
in my fist like a captive.

"I need more flying power and you WILL give it to me!" I shook him over
myself and the fairy dust showered me. I laughed at the tingle of it and
oddly enough, so did the fairy boy. For a second I think he thought he
was with Peter Pan instead of me and in a way maybe he was. I flew to the
boys and sprinkled all of them but made sure not to sprinkle Seth who
tried to get under the flow. "Jennie, you stay here with these kids,
Sole, I want you on top that!" I pointed to the elephant Tantor and my
elephant the one with the water in his trunk. "The rest of you as soon
as the fires are out on one side or the other, race to the kids and
women! GO NOW! WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL!" I flew over the elephants and
sprayed them with Oliveer's magic dust and they rose up into the air. I
landed one's back. To my knowledge not even Peter Pan attempted something
like this. I thought he would be proud...then inwardly I smiled, he'd
probably be proud alright, of himself, for he would claim this idea were
his and his alone and how creative and clever he was to think of it, even
if it was mine. The elephants rose up and I flew with Tantor over the
river and made him take a large gulp. The one with Sole on its back flew
next to me, "You take the Apache, I'll take the Mahican!"

Sole nodded and smiled. The elephants flew away from each other and
spotted the first fires. There were four large infernos. Both camps were
trapped between two fires. That made four fires in all. How could the
other two have started so fast?

The elephants kicked and flew some more. Soon all were gone from the area
but Jennie, the saved children, and Seth. Seth looked at Jennie. Jennie
looked back at Seth and Seth knew that this little deaf mute knew. He
KNEW. Seth had to get away from him. Seth gave him an evil smile though
to keep his guard up. Jennie nodded a no-no to him and pointed his finger
and waved it back and forth as if to say naughty boy. One side of Seth's
lip curled up in a half snarl that he was trying to conceal.

I hadn't given good battle plans or instructions like Nibs would have.
Luckily, Aoi commanded the boys into formation. He flew toward the
Apache camp in a vee formation with Rico, Pare, Je'ne, and Landen behind
him. Bailey, who was tough and learned fast, even though he was a newer
Lost Boy, was already leadership quality, like Sole and Aoi. Bailey led
the other group which consisted of his brothers Bo and Barry, and Rollin.
Flying between the fires was no go, since the flames were licking around
the sides of each fire and touching the other.

"WOOO HOOOOOO!" I yelled as I urged Tantor onto the skies over the fire
and he let loose a large dose of water into one of the fires over the
Apache camp. This doused that fire evenly. That left only one on this
side. "GO FOR IT TANTOR!" The elephant let loose a loud signal.

With Dumbo, Sole did the same on the Mahican side and one fire was
already out there. Both I and Sole had to reload with water into the
elephant's trunks but Dumbo signaled at the exact same time as the
elephant I was on did. This made one great signal.

Aoi pointed his finger up, "Down and at em boys!"

Bailey yelled the same thing to his group. A burning tree was falling at
a large tent. Bailey flew at the tent, tore it with his wooden sword and
flew in, followed by Bo and Barry, and Rollin. They scooped up a handful
of babies each and flew out. The tree landed on the tent and raged it
into a massive burst of flame. Outside women saw the boys flying with
their children. They were yelling. More trees began to fall and the women
had to run but they ran into a wall of flame on the other side.

Rollin yelled, "Those silly women are running the wrong way!"

"The other way!" Barry yelled, "The other way!"

"They don't understand our language probably," Bailey said, "We'll put
these down and then if the other fire isn't out we'll go back for them!"

Aoi had a very chubby Indian boy on his back and two under each arm as he
flew. His group flew down at a crowd of kids who were just sitting as a
giant flaming leaf rode the wind down at them. Aoi and his group flew
like a flock of geese and curved down at them, each picking up as many
kids as they could until all were gone in one swoop. Good thing too. The
flaming leaf landed on the spot where the 14 kids had been just before.
Loaded up with children, the Lost Boys landed among the other children
and Jennie. The first group was calm but the second started crying. The
chubby one clung to Aoi's back and he was laughing. "Apparently flying
agrees with him." Aoi looked around, "Say, where's Seth?"

Jennie pointed to the thicker woods, a forest stretching into a jungle.
He shrugged. But he knew something. Aoi could see it in his eyes.

Rollin smiled, "It felt good to fly again!"

Suddenly Indians of both tribes came running from the woods. They had
knives and spears ready to use on the boys and there were braves of all
ages, young men, young teenagers, and all ages in between. There were
naked Indians and some wore loin cloths. They came from both sides of the
forest, one tribe each, coming up behind the Lost Boys. Landen smiled,
"Hey, we saved your children!" He tried to get his saved Indian kids
away from him but the kids liked Landen so much, they clung to his neck
and legs and arms. This was indicative of all the kids, who wanted to
play with the Lost Boys or touch their face and skin, many of them never
having seen a white person before, let alone touched one. "We saved your
kids," Landen repeated, sticking out his chest, for once acting
confident. Pity it was now.

"I don't think they see it that way, Landen!" Bailey snorted, "They
think we kidnaped their kids!" A kid stuck a hand in his eye, playing.

"And..." Started Barry...

"They're gonna kill us!" Rico finished.


The play Peter Pan and its characters are trademarks of and copyright
J.M. Barrie