Ascent to Power

Chapter Twenty-four
Memories Fade With Time

Katherine's life was a struggle to accept who she was now while trying to save just some small piece of who she had been. Each month that passed it became harder. Life in camp was so different from what she was used to in her everyday life back home. She had no familiar tokens to remind her where she came from or who she was. She was not allowed to speak in English within the hearing of anyone other than Lone Wolf or Fawn. She had not even seen her face in a mirror since she had been taken. She knew she was changing in her appearance. Her hair was much longer than it had been. Her body was altering in a womanly fashion. Something she and Emily would have giggled about for hours during an overnight visit. She missed her old friend perhaps as much as she missed her parents.

Her second beating came nine months after being captured. Her refusal to care for Grey Eagle's horse upon returning from a hunting trip earned her another five lashes of a whip across her back. The first sting of leather was the forerunner of many to come over the next year before she lost all hope of going home. Many scars graced the young girl's back. Each mark earned by her refusal to give in, to accept things as they were. At all times she held her tears until she felt the warm cocoon of darkness surround her as she snuggled underneath her buffalo hides. Her silent tears rained freely down but not one sob pushed past her lips. Muffled sounds were all that could be heard.

Lone Wolf felt he had failed to protect her. He did not want to kill her spirit. If she could just hold on she would become one of them. With each passing moon she became more Apache than white woman. She still cried when something reminded her of the home she had not seen in many moons. Never where anyone could see or hear her unless listening as he did outside the teepee.

Lone Wolf would stand outside the opening to their teepee listening to her quiet heartbreak. Through the flap over the opening he could just hear the nearly silent sobs she would not give full voice. He could do little to protect her from her own foolish pride. It saddened him to see the fire in her eyes dim a little more with each passing of the sun. Every humiliation lowered her spirit. Soon she would have nothing left but her sorrow if she did not find a way to live among them.

Almost a year after her capture she had given the rest of her now completely tattered clothing up for warmer winter wear. Lone Wolf had forced her to remove the outer dress long ago, but he had let her keep her petticoat and bloomers. If she froze to death she could never return home. She couldn't bear to discard it entirely. She folded the last shredded remnants of her last link to her old life placing them inside the leather pouch Lone Wolf had given her. She placed this last bit of her old life inside along with the dress that still carried the bloodstains of her mother. All she had in the world fit into a twelve by twelve leather pouch. Not much for nearly fourteen years of life. It was all she had left of her old life other than her fading memories. When she touched the material she could dream of home and have vivid pictures of her old life in her head. As the years passed those memories slipped further and further away.

She held that piece of cloth to her chest as she cried silent tears that night. Almost every piece of evidence she had of her old life was gone. Each day she found herself speaking more Apache than English. At fourteen she was no longer a little girl. She for sure was not a lady. Her thirteenth birthday had slipped by with no celebration. She had only been with the tribe for three months when she remembered it was her birthday. She had too keep her memories fresh in her mind. She feared losing the last link she had to her mother and her old life. Once her memories faded Katherine would fade away too. She would then only be Yellow Hair.

As she slipped her legs into the leather leggings she felt as if she slipped from one life to another. She left her old self behind to become someone else. Her old life was almost completely gone. She feared the day when she could no longer remember anything from before she was taken. She wondered if she would feel as if she had in some way died. Perhaps it would be best if she could come to think of her old self as dead.

Her Fourteenth birthday had come and gone quietly, just as her thirteenth birthday had passed with no birthday presents or wishes for a happy day. The realization that they no longer searched for her came after a year passed with one more birthday then another Christmas without any sign of anyone even searching for her. Once that spark left her eyes she accepted all they asked of her. This was home now. They would never be her people she thought at that time, but she could live in harmony if she had no other choice. A little over a year of rebellion ended with her surrender to her fate. After a year in captivity Katherine Montgomery buried her old life becoming Yellow Hair.

Lone Wolf and Fawn had learned of the day of her birth shortly after her second year with them. Lone Wolf and Fawn had celebrated the day with her by giving her gifts a few days after her birthday. She was pleased someone acknowledged her day even if it was several days later. During her third year she celebrated her sixteenth birthday. She received many gifts. Nothing like what she would have received from her family or friends at home. Lone Wolf and Fawn gave her beautiful as well as useful things such as moccasins, woven blankets and a new soft leather dress Fawn had made. Fawn had given her a necklace with beads that represented each year of her life so far. The beads were made from the clay found in the soil in some of the places they camped. White beads were for her years before coming to them and yellow for the years she spent with them. She was given a small leather pouch with many yellow beads to be added as the years passed.

For her seventeenth birthday Lone Wolf gave her a pony. She named her Early Morning Mist because she was a light grey color. That long title became Misty. She was not an Indian pony nor one of the wild mustangs roaming the mountain ranges and prairie lands.
Lone Wolf had "found" Misty after a raid on a ranch one night. The raid had been a distraction so others could steal horses along with a few head of cattle. The horses were either kept or traded to the white men who came to the camps seeking to keep peace with the Indians so they could continue to mine for gold or trap for furs.

Lone Wolf spent many hours teaching her how to ride without a saddle. Each time she used one of Lone Wolf's curses when she fell Katherine was almost ready to give up. Lone Wolf's laughter stiffened her spine while forcing her on Misty's back once more, only to land in the dirt shortly after climbing on her back. Climbing on Misty's back was a feat in itself. She had to grab a handful of her mane as she jumped up, hopefully landing on her stomach across Misty's back, then she would through her leg across her back.

The only way to stay seated was to grip with her knees. The first few days her legs felt as if they were filled with water. Her backside felt as if a wooden paddle had been whopped against her several times. The day she stayed on Misty's back all day without once hitting the ground with anything other than her feet she felt proud of her accomplishment. Soon she learned how to gently guide Misty with only the rope around her head and her knees.

Over the years many white men came into the camp to trade. They knew it was unwise to question why a yellow haired young woman was living in their camp. Many did not care. Gold held no monetary value for Raging Bear other than its value to the white man. It was simply an item to use for trade. One man in particular Katherine did not like. Jackson Tyler was a handsome man. His cold blue eyes made Katherine shiver. After having his eyes rake over her when she was only fourteen she made a point never to be in camp when he came.

He did not want to mine or trap. He just wanted the gold. He traded guns, ammunition, bolts of colorful material, flour, salt, beans, and blankets. She learned he was from Virginia. She had been tempted to speak with him. She longed to ask if he knew of her father. His unsettling glances seeming to inspect her intimately along with her fear of what punishment she might receive for speaking to an outsider held her tongue silent.
Lone Wolf told her the stories of long dead great warriors as well as stories of the brave warriors who lived still and fought the white man for their land. When she pressed him he told her about the struggle of his people just to keep the land that had been theirs in all the memories of ancestors since the ground they walked on had begun to flourish. Tales of the great ancestors had been handed down from father to son as long the sun had been rising and setting. The stories were recorded on animal hides and kept by the medicine man.

He retold them during special tribal ceremonies. It was important to keep the stories of the past alive in the memories of the young so they knew where they came from and the pride of their people. Lone Wolf told her that once his tribe had been many. The coming of the white man had lessoned their numbers. Raids on villages forced his people to move from the land of much bounty to live as feathers in the wind. They settled for a while then the wind picked them up and blew them to another place until a strong breeze came again. The illnesses the white men brought added to their lessoning numbers. Other tribes had been all but wiped from the face of the earth. The white man brought many diseases the Indian had never been exposed to before.

Katherine was torn. Her loyalties should be with her family, neighbors and friends. The death of her mother still pained her but she no longer blamed her captors for her death. In some strange way she understood they did not have anything against her mother personally. Lone Wolf and his people were only trying to keep what was rightfully theirs.

Her mother was a victim of a terrible act but many such unprovoked acts had been committed by her own people. Twice in the last year men had come and attacked killing indiscriminately. The ones who remained collected the dead and the tribe mourned as a whole. Each attack left her feeling ill. She could not understand why these things happened. There was bounty to be shared by everyone. There was still vast lands uninhabited by humans. Enough for everyone.

She accepted her fate for now but someday she would return to her father. That one goal made the acceptance of her life in camp much easier.

Lone Wolf watched her with pride through the many years. Her success was his also He showed her how to dress and dry the meat. He would have shown her how to cure the hide but Fawn his half sister could show her this skill and give her a way to become a part of the women's social gatherings.

Now many years later she was taking care of herself. She had a family. A brother and sister. For now this was enough. Lone Wolf and Fawn were the only reason she didn't go completely insane all her years in captivity. Lone Wolf had told her Raging Bear had admiration for her but he couldn't openly show anything other than indifference in front of others. He told her that any privileges she was rewarded was only because Raging Bear allowed them.

Summer 1870
Yellow Hair woke wondering if they would remember. Today was her eighteenth birthday. Not once since they started celebrating her birthday had they forgotten. She glanced over at the other two empty beds. Anxious to see what gifts she would get she crawled out from under the hide and stretched. Lone Wolf had been hinting she should accept one of the young men who had spoken to him about offering for her. One sentence he was encouraging her to accept an offer then in the very next breath he reminded her how young she was, how many years she had before she needed to make such a decision. She and Fawn had both come to the conclusion he was not ready to conceded either one of them was ready to become a wife. Something they were both grateful for as neither one of them had found themselves liking any one man in any special way. As men they were heroic, as husbands they were not quite so pleasing. They both wanted to wait until their hearts told them not one more day could pass without joining with whomever they eventually came to care for.

Katherine had been too young to think of such things when she was captured. She knew for sure a white woman was not traded for a couple of horses or any other of the things they had been offering for her. She had heard of arranged marriages of course, even doweries. It was strange to think here in camp a horse was equal to the value of a woman one coveted.

A presence outside the opening of the teepee drew her attention. It was Lone Wolf and Fawn. They had brought her some breakfast. Hot corn cakes and some venison from yesterday's hunt sat on the wooden plate giving off a heavenly aroma that caused a growling in her belly.

"I suppose we should eat first or that bear in your belly may escape and make a meal of us." As he spoke he offered Katherine the plate. She eagerly took it while her mouth watered in anticipation of the treat soon to come.

Katherine eyed the packages wrapped in the softest deer hides. Quickly eating she wanted to open her gifts and see what they had given her.

With the last bite being chewed Katherine casually asked, "So, do you have any special plans for today? Anything of importance happening? Are those gifts for someone special?"
Lone Wolf looked calmly at Fawn. She smiled secretively back at him. It was always fun to tease Yellow Hair. She had become more of a sister to Fawn and Lone Wolf. Many even referred to her as the sister of Lone Wolf and Fawn.

"No, I can not think of anything special about today. I have no special plans." Turning to Fawn he asked in mock concentration, " Fawn can you think of any reason today would be any different than yesterday? I can think of not one important thing about today that comes to mind. As for these wrapped objects, well I was going to give them to Whispering Wind, but I suppose you could have them. What do you think Fawn? Should I let her have these and disappoint a maiden?"

Fawn and Katherine looked at each other and broke out in giggles. Every year it was the same. They pretended not to know it was her birthday while teasing her with her gifts. She knew they would not forget just as she never forgot how many moons had to pass for each of their birthdays to come. She kept track of the days on a piece of leather. She used the dyes from plants to write a little about each day she spent in camp. It was hard to write on the leather so most of her recording was done in pictures as she had seen in many different places in camp. When she was returned she wanted to be able to tell everyone what had happened to her.
"Better to disappoint a maiden than lose some part you value brother. I think Yellow Hair is a fair match for you now. If I helped I think we would the victors. What do you think Yellow Hair?" She raised her brow in teasing enquiry.

"I think Lone Wolf would do well to listen to the wise words of a woman. Warriors only think below their waist. Women use cunning to gain their prize not the needs of the body."

"Since when does my little sister speak of such things? If I find some young buck sneaking around he'll not live to grow old." He spoke in a teasing tone that softened the warning behind his words. He was not ready to see either of them become women just yet. Perhaps that was selfishness on his part. He did not want to lose them just yet. Maybe next year. Or the one after that.

Katherine looked at Fawn who looked back at her giving a slight nod of her head. They both launched themselves on him. They tickled each other as they rolled around like small children. Both Fawn and Katherine straddled him asking him if he was ready to surrender. Conceding defeat he rolled to his feet. With a wicked grin he raised the gifts high above his head.

"No fair. You cheated Lone Wolf. You surrendered."

"Yes but as the victor you should have made sure to have the prize before releasing your foe." He laughed as she jumped up trying to catch hold of one of the packages. At last he lowered his hand just enough so she could jump up and retrieve her gifts. He let her think she won. Sometimes it was not needed to beat someone in a contest in order to still have a victory. Her love for him and his sister was all the victory he needed from her.

She grabbed the hides out of Lone Wolf's hands as he chuckled at her greediness and childlike eagerness. The first gift was from Fawn. It was a beaded necklace similar to the one she had given her before only with the additional colored beads. This one was to add beads to as events occurred in her life. The white beads represented the years she spent with them. The red were her birthdays. The yellow was when she became a part of their family. Fawn gave her a leather pouch with many colored clay beads. The blue she would add when she found a husband. Orange was for her future children. There were quite a few orange. Katherine asked if she was supposed to have a child for every bead in the pouch. Fawn told her that it was better to be safe with extras. The other colors Katherine could designate as events happened and she wanted to add to her life necklace.
Lone Wolf had given her a pair of moccasins made from the softest deer hides. The last larger package contained a bow and quiver full of arrows wrapped in a soft blanket. Lone Wolf had spent many hours making these gifts. They were some of his finest work. For him to give her such gifts meant so much to her. He thought of her as an equal.

She hugged Lone Wolf and whispered in his ear, "Thank you brother. I love you." He hugged her tightly for a brief moment then released her to be engulfed in a tight hug from Fawn. Outside among others they were not so free with their expressions of caring. Some in the camp still resented Katherine.

With her new found peace with her life tranquility entered her and life went on until before she realized it she was a woman. The year of her twenty-first birthday brought many changes for her. Changes that led her to a path to find her way home. A path leading to her future.

A/N: Please be kind enough to give me a little feedback. A pat on the back would be nice but not necessary. Even friendly critiques are welcome.