Romantic Holmes

Left to my own devices once again, I finally free myself from the afghan and sit upright to contemplate the emptiness around me, and within.

It has been my intention all along not to waste time or thought on what could not be changed, but as the minutes are measured by the mantel clock and the sun cast its cleansing rays across the living room floor I find that I am able to do little more than note its progress. I have no interest in following through with my plan to distance myself from my home or those of whom I have come to count as kin.

The sounds from the street are now filled with the many about their business, making the best of the waning morning and the money that can be earned from their meagre trades.

I wonder about Watson, now at his surgery, tending his patients, the frail and the sick. Does he spare a thought for me, or is his mind already calculating away to rid me from his memory? It is probably for the best I tell myself, if the latter is the case. No earthly good can come of what we have done, no family, no future, and no peace of any kind. It is better that I leave and give him his chance.

It is an honourable decision, fitting of our friendship and our regard for one another, and yet now the time has come to act, my body refuses to cooperate. For the longest time I simply sit, reminiscing with the ghosts that inhabit our shared rooms and wallowing in my grief.

At length the same time piece which has measured the moments of my torment alerts me to the fact that the hour has now reached noon. It could be foolhardy to remain any longer my conscience reminds me - Watson may return for his lunch, he may demand an audience, an explanation.

I know if he finds me here what could have stayed a sweet memory may forever be marred by harsh words, sorrow and regret. I could not bear it. To see him pained when I have seen him glowing and aroused. To hear his voice clipped and bitter when I have heard it roughened by passion and the most intimate of admissions would surely be too much to endure.

Even as I recall the words of love I had never thought to hear from him once more there is a commotion outside followed soon after by a familiar tread on the stairs. I close my eyes and clutch at the front of my dressing gown. I will be damned I tell myself, as the cruellest of men and the greatest of all fools, but still I do not flee.

I open my eyes again when I hear the footsteps reach their inevitable end and the door opens. Watson's face is flushed as he appears at the threshold, not from our coupling last night but from the physical exertion necessary for running, I realise. I do not know what this means, but I am completely at his mercy now that he is here and I can not pretend his presence does not affect me. My heart beats a furious tempo in my chest and my hands turn white from the way I grip my dressing gown, although I do not know why I bother to try and cover myself when he has seen me as no other man has.

With not a word of greeting the sitting room door closes behind him and I steel myself as my old friend approaches me. It is too late now to escape.

"Dear God, Holmes," he exclaims, breathless from the several city blocks he has travelled to reach Baker Street in a time that must, by his own standards, be a record.

I have a mind to ask him what has come over him, but I am not given a moment's reprieve from him as he crosses the room to kneel at my feet.

"I had feared you'd gone and I would return to find our rooms as empty as I found our bed this morning. Please," he continues, "tell it is not what you are planning?"

Watson's hands are as insistent as his pleas for reassurance, and though I know it would be prudent under the circumstances, I can not bring myself to fend him off as he reaches for me. I feel myself begin to tremble as he buries his face in my lap while his arms circle my waist to draw us closer still, but the feelings he stirs in me are too much to deny and I can no sooner control my body's response to his nearness as I could will my heart not to beat.

"I should leave," I tell him, knowing that it is impossible now to do so. "But I have found I can not."


The End.