Just checking

EPOV

I was not even sure where I was running at first. I had the direction, away, in mind more then any destination. I
was certainly not going back to Denali so that I could be under the scrutiny of my entire extended family. I
figured I may as well go back to the house we had in Forks. I hoped in vain that I would find some small comfort
there. As I sat on the porch I realized it did not matter where I was. New York, Chicago where I was born, or
Alaska with my family. Bella was home to me. And right now Jacob Black was making himself at home inside of her.
I couldn't help but torture myself further and wondered what that looked like.

I had seen an adult film once in the 1980's. Emmett left a VHS of it in my room with a note. "You can actually go
and buy this shit in a store, can you believe it!? It's humans but still, worth watching!" I love my brother but I
had to disagree. It was mostly ridiculous. Humans twisting themselves into the most awkward positions. The women
either looked disinterested, or were trying way to hard. They all pretended to, but only one woman actually reached
orgasm. It was easy to tell, the way she trembled and her chest flushed. But mostly women making laughable faces
(which I did) wearing make up consisting of colors so bright they offended the eyes. I've always been partial to
the natural look. So needless to say, the 1980's had been my least favorite decade so far.

I was horribly envious that I hadn't the slightest idea what pleasured her. I had always pictured making love to
Bella slowly, and gently. And I had pictured it a lot. I wanted to take my time, let her feel each movement. Take
in every caress and every kiss. How I would have loved to pleasure her, make her feel good, make her happy. Her
happiness was the most important thing.

I could not bear the watchful eyes of my family right now, but there was one of them I wanted to speak to. I pulled
my small silver phone out of my pocket and dialed.

"Yes Edward?" Even her voice seemed tiny, my dear sister.

"Well, I assume you know where I am."

"I do," Alice answered.

There was a short pause. "Edward you made me swear I wouldn't tell you anything I saw about her. I never looked
for her just like you asked...most of the time"

"But you saw her anyway?" I assumed reading between the lines.

"Yes."

"Often?"

"At times yes." She hesitantly admitted.

"Just tell me. I'd rather not be bothered with coming back to Denali and trying to pick things out of your head
when you are not paying attention. You can't keep from me what you know about...them forever."

She knew it was true.

"You have a lot of questions, pick one. Your mind has looked like the pictures revolving on a slot machine the past
few minutes, you've been making me nuts."

"How long has it been?"

"Ten months." She answered.

One that had been on the back burner made its way up to the front. I had been too selfishly consumed with my own
agony that this had only been a fleeting thought that I doubted was even possible. But I was still afraid to ask.
I knew some of the Quilliete legends.

"Is there a reason why he smells so awful? Is he what I think he is?"

"If I answer that, you need to stay right where you are."

But that was answer enough. My fist clenched. After all this self induced torture she wasn't even safe.

"I watched her very closely when I first saw that he is a werewolf. He protects her and be serious, that girl needs
more protection from her own two feet then any human can give her."

I resolved then I wasn't going anywhere. How could I? She wasn't safe. Of course Alice saw my decision.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, and the previous request no longer applies. I need to know how she's doing...I don't trust that wolf but is
she happy with him?"

"A happy as she can be." Alice said quietly.

"You mean...she doesn't still..."

"Edward I don't know if anything could ever change the way she feels about you. But she has managed to move on like
you wanted her to."

There was a short pause.

"Just please stay away. He didn't imprint on her but he still feels very possessive of her and I don't want you
fighting with him, it's dangerous."

"Imprinting, is that what the kids are calling it these days?" I asked dryly.

"And actually I'm pretty sure he has" I added. Alice sighed.

"That's not what that means, its part of how wolves find their mate. From what I've read it does not happen to all
of them. It was actually kind of interesting. A wolf could see a girl every day of his life but before he changes
he may not give her a second glance. Then when he sees her after the change, its like instant true love. It's a
permanent no questions asked soul mate. And the female always returns his love, what girl wouldn't? They aren't sure why it happens."

"That is truly fascinating." I said somewhat sarcastically.

"Alice just promise you'll pass along anything you think I would want to know." were the words that came out of my
mouth. But what I thought was, tell me what she's making for dinner tonight, tell me when she decides what she will
wear tomorrow, if she cuts her hair, what classes she is taking, if she is having a bad dream and needs me to hold
her, if she thinks about me for even a second.

"I will." Came her answer.

"We miss you Edward. Love you."

"And I you."

BPOV
Jacob Watched me from my bed as I shimmied back into my jeans.

"We still have a little roast beef, there's ham too." I told him.

"Might as well finish off the roast beef" He said taking me in with his eyes for those last few seconds before my
clothes were back on.

"Swiss and mustard?" I asked.

"You are so awesome."

I smiled as I threw his pants at him on my way out the door.

"I know"

As I rooted through the fridge for the mustard I wondered how many sandwiches I'd made for Jacob. Post sex or
otherwise. Well, those are the hazards of having a werewolf around. Good thing I enjoy cooking. From one extreme
to the other I'd gone. Being with someone who didn't eat, to someone who did it constantly. I pushed Edward out of
my head, he still invaded it more then I would like. And it still hurt, the hole would always be there. But with a
lot of practice I was able to go about my life so that nobody noticed. I had accepted I would always be in love
with Edward, even if he wasn't in love with me. He'd taken a little piece of my soul with him. I knew if I'd had a
choice, this would not have been the one I'd made. But I did love Jacob, just not in the same way. As long as I
had him, that missing part didn't ache as much. Only when I was alone, and that was very rare these days. I was
glad for that.

I jumped as a brown hand reached around and rested low on my abdomen.

"Dammit Jacob I'm holding a knife I could have stabbed myself!"

Jacob laughed as he rubbed dangerously low on my stomach. He rested his chin on my shoulder as I placed the lid on
his sandwich.

"Bells, its a butter knife." I turned around and handed him the sandwich.

"Still though" I muttered.

He grinned and kissed me on the forehead before he took a big bite and plopped himself down in the kitchen chair. I
hopped up on the counter and swung my legs as Jake ate. He was the only person I'd seen who ate with such
enthusiasm. I smiled at my big, silly, always starving wolf.

***
On the way to the store we talked about little things. And big things like Sam and Emily's wedding next month.

"Leah is still a bridesmaid?" I wondered.

"Yeah, she's a tough cookie" Jake said. I shook my head sadly. I'd always felt so bad for Leah.

"At least maybe she won't have to wear something God awful that involves a lot of ruffles" I hoped out loud. "I
can't see Emily picking something like that."

Jake nodded in agreement.

As he drove we settled into comfortable silence, we held hands between the seats. I let my mind wander backwards
through the afternoon. I still felt a little strange being on top when Jake and I were in bed. He'd told me I
looked "so damn hot" riding him but that was the thing, it felt weird for him to be watching me so intently. I
thought back to the first time we tried that. I was pretty much just squatting over him, which I sure as hell
didn't feel sexy doing, while he did all the thrusting. It did feel good though, he always made me feel good. Even
when he went down on me it felt great, I just couldn't seem to climax from it. I didn't tell him this, but I
thought it was because I was not able to relax enough. I knew he'd tell me that my worries of looking, or tasting
weird were needless.

Thinking of that first made me think of another. "The" first, for both of us. Before that first night we made
love, we hadn't gone much past heavy petting. Touched through our clothes, rubbed against each other. A few nights
before he'd sucked my nipples through my thin cotton night shirt. Privacy was near impossible for us much of the
time. When an intoxicated Charlie decided not to drive Billy home one night after they celebrated who ever had won
what game that night, we decided we should make the best of it.

We kissed slowly as we undressed each other in Jacobs tiny room. We sat down on his equally tiny bed and looked at
each other, two virgins. Inspecting each other and smiling shyly. Jacob was bigger then I thought he would be. I
was nervous about the pain that was a popular topic among teenage girls at times.

He reached out to stroke my thighs. Slide a hand between my knees then up higher. I parted my legs to allow just
enough room for his hand. He put the tip of his finger in my slit and moved it up and down slowly. He removed it
and I watched him as he put his palms on the inside of my knees. I granted his silent request and opened as far as
I could go, exposing myself to him, or anybody, for the first time. He parted my lips with his fingers, and stroked
between them with his other index finger. When he found my clit and pressed on it I surprised myself by crying out.
"Oh!" I slapped my hand over my mouth instinctively. Jacob laughed softly.

"No it's OK" He layed down next to me to whisper in my ear. "Nobody will hear us, and..well I think I'd like to.
Hear you that is." I giggled at the way he sort of jumbled his words.

I nestled my head into his shoulder as he traced his hand down my body to between my opened legs. He found my clit
again fairly easily. He gently rubbed letting me get used to it. I hadn't touched myself much before. Only for a
minute to explore. Soon I was moaning softly. He shifted himself so his erection pressed into my leg.

"Oh Jake."

He moved his hand to my breast, as the other one held my head to his chest. He squeezed, pulled on my nipple.

"Um ow?"

"Oops, sorry babe" He smiled sheepishly at me and started rubbing my breasts gently. I returned his smile.

"Are you ready?" I nodded.

He sat up and moved to kneel between my legs. He slid his hands up and down them.

"Bells you are so amazing, and so beautiful. I love you so much, I always have." I smiled up at him.

"I love you too."

He leaned down and held his weight above me with one hand. He stared at the top of my head as I felt him search for
my opening.

"There" I told him when his head found it. He brought his hand up to the side of my head, matching his other one.
He started to push slowly into me. He saw me cringing in pain and stopped.

"Are you OK?" He asked his face worried.

"Yes, keep going." I wrapped my arms around him.

I Squeezed my eyes shut as he slowly pushed further into me. He stopped when he was the whole way in.

He pulled halfway out, and when he pushed back in then bottomed out I let out a whimper that was a mix
of the pleasure, and the pain I was feeling.

Jacob wrapped one of his arms around me and pulled me to his tight to his even hotter then usual chest. I wrapped
my legs around him, hooking my ankles around his back. He sighed my name as he thrusted into me, harder this time.
With every thrust the pain faded and the pleasure intensified. I clung to him as he kissed me more passionately then he ever had before. I moaned into his opened mouth.

He moved his face to my neck and kissed, sucked me there. As far as I was concerned that part of my body would
always belong to one person. I pulled Jacobs face back up to mine and kissed him again to chase Edward away. But
as happened many times he wouldn't go. Not now, dont ruin this for me. Please, oh please.

"Please what baby? Anything, anything for you. Tell me what you want."

Oh God I'd said that out loud. I tried not to look like I was panicked. I had no idea what to say so I blurted out
the first thing I could think of.

"Come inside of me!"

He stopped, obviously surprised, but stayed inside of me, "Are you positive?"

"Yes, do you want to?" I asked.

"Oh God yes. You have no idea." He said as he started thrusting into me again. Harder then before.

"Still OK?"

"Yes, please don't stop" I begged as I clung tighter to him out of guilt. As if the closeness of our bodies could
fill up the hole inside of me and replace that missing part.

"Oh God Bella I love you more than anything." He panted as he quickened his pace.
"I love you too my Jacob." I did, but not more than anything.

I still felt guilty.

"If they have the right part for the bike do you wanna ride them tomorrow after work?"

That wasn't part of this memory, how odd.

"Bells hello?" A hand was waving in front of my face. I slowly turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Welcome back, did you hear what I said?"

"Um...sorry." I said slightly embarrassed.

"If they have the right part for the bike do you wanna ride them tomorrow after work?"

"Oh yeah, sounds good." I smiled at him.

He grinned back exited, we'd hardly been on them all summer. The bikes didn't hold the same appeal for me as they
used to. I'd long ago said goodbye to the velvet voice I used to hear when I was a poor rider. Thats what was best
though, it was best for me and everyone around me if I just stayed in reality.

***
When we got to the store Jacob hopped out of the Rabbit. I followed behind him holding the cardboard box containing
the unneeded bike part with the receipt taped to it.

"Jake do you want me to return this while you get what we need?" I asked?

"Sure, that works"

Soon as we were in the store Jacob ducked into the very first iasle, his face became serious as his dark eyes
scanned the boxes.

I headed to the counter and got behind the one man in line. The cashier was a girl who looked about my age, with
the same dark features as Jacob. Her skin was a few shades lighter though. She was slowly searching for a button
on the register. I looked at her name tag, Teagan. Right above it there was a pin that announced she was a "New
Team Member." The man in front of me heaved a sigh. She found the button she was looking for then seemed to do
just fine. She sincerly thanked the man for his patience and held his bag out for him. He grumbled "Uh huh." took
is bag and turned to leave.

I set the heavy box on the counter.

"Hi do you have a return?"

"Yup, it was the wrong size we needed the next size up." I explained.

"Oh well those would be in aisle..." She paused to think.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure my boyfriend knows. This place is his playground." I laughed.

She smiled kindly at me, then slowly began the transaction.

I pointed to her pin, "So do people cut you a brake because you're new?"

"Well, you are the first in the past two weeks. I'm getting the hang of it though."

She gave a self satisfied smile as the drawer popped opened. She counted the change into my hand. Twice just to
make sure.

"Thanks, I'd better go make sure he's not getting side tracked looking at things he doesn't need and can't afford."
She laughed with me then I turned and headed towards where I could see the top of Jakes head over the shelves. When
I found him he was holding two boxes under his arm, and was inspecting boxes, turning them around to read all sides
of them.

I put my hand on his back and asked, "Did you find the part for my truck and the bike part too?"

"Yeah, and check this out!" He took another box off the shelf and thrust it at me. But when his mouth opened he
lost me until he got to the part when he said, "It would go so much faster!" I smiled up at him.

"Fast as you?"

"No way" he scoffed. "But pretty fast."

I rubbed his back and stretched up on my tip toes, he brought his cheek down for me to kiss it.

"Go ahead and get it then my Jacob" I knew that look, and the chances of talking him out of spending money on something that could make whatever it was he was talking about go faster, were slim.

"You ready then?" I asked.

"Yup!" He said happy about having such good luck today. He held all three boxes under one arm, and took his other
hand in mine as we walked up the aisle.

"So do you wanna ride up by the cliffs again?" I asked as we approached the counter but he wasn't listening. I felt his hand go limp and slide out of mine. I heard the boxes under his arm crash to the floor. He was staring at Teagen with the oddest look on his face. I snapped my fingers in front of his face but he didn't even blink.

"Hun, the cliffs? Hellooooo?"

For a second I thought he may need medical attention and thought about calling 911. I was waiting for his eyes to roll back into his head, for him to fall back onto the floor. But he just stood there. Then the horrifying realization of what I was witnessing crashed down on me. What Sam had warned me could happen when Jacob and I got together. He told me it was always a possibility. That if it happened there would be nothing that could be done. Its completely involuntary, permanent and irreversible.

I knew it wasn't his fault, but at that moment that couldn't have mattered less to me.

I didn't know what else to do but turn around and run. I pushed the door out of my way and ran through the parking lot. I had to get out of here. I couldn't breath. No, no, no this is not happening. My Jacob. My Jacob wasn't mine anymore. My own personal sun had imploded. Was gone. Think, think you have to think and be rational. Still couldn't breath. The keys to the Rabbit were in his pocket. Damn. I knew there was only one person who could possibly understand this. With shaking hands I struggled to get my phone out of my pocket. I'd only called this number a few times before just to try and track down Charlie. I silently thanked God for his refusal to join the rest of us in this century and get a cell phone. Please pick up. She did on the fourth ring. Good thing because I don't know if I would have been able to keep my brain from shutting off for long enough to form a plan B. I struggled to keep some type of composure, my voice broke around her name.

"Leah?"

A/N: I had such writers block trying to make sure I kept as true to the story as possible! Hopefully you guys enjoyed it, if so it was worth the frustration! Thanks so much to those who left a rating. Please take just a second and rate, or write a review. Would be nice to know who's reading. :)