Because You Live

Chapter 5


CPOV

I sat on Bella's bed, my face in my hands. I couldn't believe what a horrible person I was. I had taken advantage of her last night. I know she had asked me to make love to her, but I should have been a better man and left when I had the chance.
Was I being punished somehow?

When I had first met Bella in the hospital after Edward had saved her from the van, it had reminded me of the first time I saw Esme in the hospital. She'd been 16 years old and had come to me with a broken leg. I had set her leg and had felt an instant attraction, and 10 years later I had saved her when she had tried to commit suicide. Changing her had been the right decision at the time, and I never regretted it.

But when Edward had told us that he'd fallen in love with a human, I had been the only one who had been supportive at first. When she and Alice had gone to Italy to save Edward, and Bella had voiced her opinion about becoming one of us, everyone but Edward and Rosalie had voted for it. I had promised to change her when she was ready, and then Edward had surprised us all by saying he would change her after the wedding and honeymoon.

After the fight with the newborns, I had started to see Bella in a different way. Sure she was young and naive, but she was a lot more mature than her human friends. Growing up with just a mother had been hard enough, but to be subjected to vampires and werewolves was surely a lot to digest.

I sadly wondered if maybe I'd changed Edward too soon. He was wise beyond his years, but in reality he was only 17 when I'd changed him, the others were all over 18 when they'd been changed, so in reality Edward was still a child in every sense of the world. His refusal to give in to Bella's desires had taken a lot of restraint and courage, but after last night, I now know that he would have been able to give her everything without hurting her. He always treated her like glass, afraid of even touching her.

Bella was human and breakable, yes, but she was a lot tougher than Edward thought. As long as we kept our control in check, she would be fine. She'd been through a lot worse. The van incident, the incident with James, the birthday party, the cliff dive, hanging around with the wolves, and according to her medical history, she'd always been accident prone, in and out of hospitals all the time.

Bella had run out of the house before I'd had a chance to talk to her. I knew Jasper and Alice had been outside, waiting to see if Bella was unharmed, but the look on Bella's face this morning had broken my long dead heart. She actually thought she was a horrible person for betraying Edward, but I knew that Edward would want her to move on with her life, that's what he had always wanted, he wanted her to be happy. I couldn't change what I was, and she deserved better. She deserved a human boyfriend who could be rough with her and not hurt her too bad, and could give her children and could grow old with her without having to move around every few years.

I got back in my car and headed back to the house. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were waiting for me.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

"She's with Bella," Jasper said. I sat down at the table, sighing heavily.

"Carlisle, you need to bring Bella back here where she belongs," Emmett said. I looked up at him in surprise.

"I will not destroy this family," I said sharply.

"By pushing her away it will destroy this family," he reminded me. "Bella belongs in this family. We will not sit by and allow you both to wallow around in your misery."

"What do you suggest I do, what if she refuses to talk to me?"

"She's human, we can take her," Jasper snorted. Rosalie hissed at him.

"The point is, Carlisle, you can be happy again. Esme wouldn't want you to live the rest of your existence miserable and alone, she would want you to be happy again," she put in, surprising me. Of all people I never thought I'd see Rosalie taking Bella's side.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder.

"Tell me something, Carlisle, do you love her?" I knew then that there was no getting out of it.

"Yes, I love her, more than I should."

"Then go get her."

We all looked up as we heard the soft purr of the Mercedes Guardian that I had bought for Bella. The engine shut off and then Bella's scent was around us. I remembered that scent all too well. Edward had said she was like a drug to him, his own personal brand of heroin, how he had kept the monster at bay I'll never know, but I would be forever grateful to him for it. Sure things would be a lot easier if Bella was a vampire, but I would miss her warm, soft skin, and the smell of her hair and her eyes the color of chocolate, no wonder Edward refused to change her right away, she was beautiful and dazzling.

I heard the outside door open, and I squared my shoulders. I turned and headed towards the scent. I had to tell Bella how I felt, and if she didn't feel the same well that was that, I would bid her farewell and wish her the best of luck wherever she decided to go.

The brown eyes I had drowned myself in last night turned to me.

"Bella..."