Danse Macabre in a Nutshell

Apologies to the great Abbott and Costello for Chapter 53.

Chapter 53:

Anita: As it turns out I’m allergic to cast parties, so I’ll just interrogate the lead players in the ballet troop.
Merlin: Say hello to my little friends Adonis and Elisabetta.
Anita: Say ‘ello to /my/ leetle friend. * cha-chik *
Asher: Put it away Anita.
Anita: No.
Damien: * extends magic finger and pokes Anita. *
Anita: *calmer * Okay, I’ll put it away. In the drawer. With the drawer open.
Merlin: I don’t understand why we are being interrogated.
Anita: Did you roll all of us?
Merlin: I am merely the entertainment.
Anita: Why did you roll us?
Merlin: Why are you saying we rolled you?
Anita: Yes. Why did you roll us?
Merlin: Why do you think we rolled you?
Anita: Who was it?
Merlin: He was up first.
Anita: What?
Merlin: She played second.
Anita: I don’t know who played second.
Merlin: He played third. Who played first.
Anita: You tell me.
Merlin: Who.
Anita: That’s right. Who?
Merlin: Who played first.
Anita: I’m asking you!
Merlin: WHO!
Anita: I said…AHG! Go wank off in a corner!
Merlin: Oh, he’s our gofer.
Anita: THAT’S IT! I’m shooting his kneecaps off!
Merlin: I don’t fear you, or even Mommie Dearest.
Asher: What do you fear?
Merlin: Nothing I’ll share with a lesser master.
Anita: I think you know about Mommie Dearest too! Can’t we just talk?
Merlin: You’ll just answer my questions? Even about Mommie Dearest?
Anita: Maybe.
Merlin: Novel. How do you know Mommie Dearest is waking?
Anita: Acid trip.
Merlin: What else did you learn?
Anita: That monkeys invented nightlights because she made the dark scary. . Hey, I remember now, I sensed you in one of my Mommie visions. You used to be a cave man! She turned you into a vampire.
Merlin: You’re right. You have seen her! That means she really is waking. *eep *
Anita: Ahyep.
Merlin: For your information I will offer you a piece of advice: If all vampires have crosses under their pillows, it will keep Mommie from invading their dreams.
Anita: I thought crosses + vampires = bad?
Merlin: It’s fine if you wrap it up in a blankie.
Anita: What wonderful advice. I forgive you for all your past deeds. Let’s be BFFs!
Merlin: Ah….yeah. Sorry, gotta cut this short and go feed. You knocked me for a loop back there.
Anita: Haha. Me too. You guys have a good trip out of town. I’m going to feed now too!
Merlin: * smoochies * bye!
Anita: Love you! *smooch *
Merlin: Mean it! *waves *
Anita: Sex scene!
Damien: I guess if we can’t have a climax plot wise, we may as well go to the usual plot filling fallback plan.
Anita: You betcha!
Damien: Everyone not participating, exit stage left.
Asher: My turn. I’ll stay. *sigh *
Anita: What’s wrong?
Asher: I want to be someone’s sweetie patootie.
Anita: I love you.
Asher: Good enough, off with the panties.
Anita: Can I take the corset off too? I can’t breathe.
Asher: Leave it on.
Anita: Woo. Forshadowing.



Chapter 54:

Damien: Hurry up you ninnies! You’re killing me again!
Anita: I’m on it. Or under it, as the case may be!
Asher: You do realize that through the course of this series you have covered about 99.5% of all positions available in the Kama Sutra, and a goodly number of social perversions besides??
Anita: What’s your point?
Asher: I’m a better stud than any of your other studs, and we are at the literal Climax of the book. I expect to top all of them to make up for my lack of page time.
Anita: Yeah! That’s true! Oh! Idea! How about we have sex till you kill me?
Everyone: * eagerly * Is that a PROMISE?
Asher: Our wish is your command! *gnaw * *drill *
Anita: * Ut *



Chapter 55:

Anita: *blink * *blink * Hey. I’m still alive. And in the hospital.
Nurse: Silly, silly girl. No one important EVER dies in a LKH novel.
Anita: Not since book one anyway.
Asher: Hi. Just stopped by to say ‘sorry’ and stuff. Plus, JC and everyone is going to kill me for almost killing you. I feel awful. Mostly.
JC: *off stage * No we won’t kill you.
Anita: No we won’t kill you.
Asher: Dur? Why not?
Anita: Because it was fun! I love extreme bedroom sports. Next time we’ll remember our spotter.
JC: * off stage * Because I love you and I do what she tells me to do. I’ll be your spotter next time.
Asher: Oh. Groov. By the way, you gave me superpowers. I now have an animal to call: Hyenas.
Anita: Hm. Cool.
Asher: …..
Asher: So, what? We done now?
Anita: Well, lessee….
· I’m a succubus, check.
· London will probably be my pomme de sang, check.
· I sleep with a cross under my pillow instead of a gun now, check (no state of my monster-ness there at all, nope).
· Sampson the merman is still hanging around for a bit of tail, check.
· Chicago Playas have all gone home, check.
· I’m not pregnant but I’ve quit menstruating so the doc says I need a vacation. Or therapy. Check.
· Richard has solidly been character assassinated for all time, check.
· And oh yeah, I’m going to re-landscape: Colonial-Spanish New Orleans wrought-iron.
Asher: I’m out of here then. With any luck, I won’t have to make much of an appearance with the next book.
Fans: Nor will we!


Fade To Black