Just checking

Disclaimer: I do not own these Lyrics

I realize you are here to read a Twilight fanfic and not lyrics but this is a beautiful song (you should check it out!) and I think it applies to this chapter. (Six Feet Under fans will know it as the song from the last episode as Claire drives away)

Sia
Breath Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch

I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe



BPOV
I sat on the curb outside of the diner next door as I waited for Leah to pick me up. I thought about hiding inside,
or in the woods in case Jacob came to find me. I knew that would be pointless, no matter how far away I managed to
get it would take about 2 seconds for him to pick up my scent. And about one second for him to catch up to me. But
he didn't come looking for me. Like he'd forgotten I even existed.

When Leah pulled up she gave my tear stained face a look of pity and sympathy. Probably the way I used to look at
her.

Thankfully she was mostly quiet on the long drive back to Charlies. She let me be alone with my thoughts.

It was like he had died. He might as well have. Like I had died. Again. It was not the same this time though.
Parts of it were not as bad, and parts of it were worse. This time I didn't even try to push the pain away, I just
let myself drown in it. I knew there was no use, it would stay because there was nobody to save me from it this
time. I didn't see how there would be any coming back from it.

Later that night I layed flat on my back on my rug. There was no way I was ever again laying in that bed we'd made
love in so many times. I was considering burning it.

I heard Leah's voice when Charlie came home. I hadn't realized she was still here. I grabbed the pillow of my bed
and wrapped it around my head. I didn't want to hear what they were saying.

I layed there as time ceased to mean anything, My phone would vibrate in my pocket every so often. I didn't look
to see who was calling. What could anyone have possibly said that would have made any difference? I'd lost
everything that ever mattered. Eventually the phone downstairs started to ring too.

"Bells? Phone!" I ignored Charlie and he didn't call for me again, but the phone kept ringing.

When it had been dark for a while I heard him come up the stairs. He stood in my doorway and looked at me like he
was wondering why I was on the floor, but didn't question me about it. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Bella ...Jacob called...several times. Wanted me to tell you that he'd change it if he could? I told him I didn't
want to pester you but then Billy started calling to ask if I'd told you so I said I would. I'm not sure what's
going on and I know you are an adult now and it's not really any of my business. But if you want to talk about it,
we can."

I wasn't sure how to respond so I just rolled over to face the wall. I heard my door close softly.

Things had been so easy this morning. But now the hole felt like it had swallowed me. I just close my eyes and let
it have me.

When I woke up it was dark. I wasn't sure if it was still dark, or dark again. Soon as I realized I was in it, I
rolled out of my bed. I stood in the center of my room, not sure what to do with myself. I knew what I did not
want to do. Be in this shit hole town for one more minute. I sat down at my computer, and waited the usual few
moments it took to come to life. When it did I got on the airlines website and searched for flights to
Jacksonville.

EPOV

I was in the meadow, our meadow with my legs stretched out resting on my elbows. The same way I sat when she was
here with me, in the exact same spot. It had been my greatest test so far, I didn't trust myself to be alone with
her. To bring her home again safe. It was reckless, selfish, and worth it in the end. Every second I spent with
her was worth it.

My phone went off in my pocket. When I saw that it was Alice I could hardly answer it fast enough.

"Alice?"

"Before you move one inch promise me that you will think this through stay right where you are all right?" She
started in not even saying hello.

"Alice whats wrong? Is she hurt?" I blurted out panicked.

"Bella is safe." she said as I exhaled in relief.

"But she is leaving Forks today...it looks like Jacob imprinted on some one else."

I wasn't even sure what to think. I was angry that even though I had left to protect her from monsters like myself
another had found her. It pained me that she was in pain, I wished I could take it away for her. Could I? I tried
to put out the selfish thoughts, did she still want me, was this our chance to be together? Or should I just let
her go and start a new life? Again, could I?

While lost in my thoughts I hadn't even realized Alice wasn't saying anything and was probably waiting for a
response.

"Alice, should I..."

"If you want to see her you aren't going to have to wait very long." she interrupted.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You've got about 30 minutes to make up your mind. She's coming to the meadow. She wants to say goodbye to it
before she leaves."

BPOV
I borrowed the cruiser from Charlie this morning. I told him there was just something I had to take care of before
my red eye to Jacksonville tonight. Red eye, ha. Mine were going to be red anyway so I just took the first flight
available.

I stumbled through the woods holding the map Jacob had made for us. I was surprised I still had it considering what
happened the last time I was here. Maybe if I am lucky some other mystical freaking creature will be here then I can just die, I thought to myself dryly. I considered myself officially ruined and broken. Jacob had been my security blanket, I needed him in a selfish way. He made the hole Edward left hurt less. I loved Jacob, but I had used him.

I was a horrible person for so often thinking of Edward when Jacob and I were in bed. Sometimes, I didn't even
bother to try and stop thinking of him. Jacob had made love to me more then once or twice, while I had been making
love to Edward. Now there was some one Jacob loved more, too. So I'd gotten exactly what I deserved.

"Oof!" In my guilty distractions I'd tripped over a root. Annoyed at myself I got up, and brushed myself off. I
took half a step forward before I realized I'd actually fallen into the meadow. I stood at the edge with my eyes
closed and let the twin pains wash over me. The pain I'd pushed away of loosing Edward, this new pain of being
alone.

I deliberately lowered to my knees, leaned forward to put my face in the grass. I inhaled deeply, it smelled so
wonderful. I spread my fingers out to touch it. It was the strangest feeling, I felt so at peace all of the
sudden. I curled up on my side and took in the flowers that surrounded me, that were my pillow. Maybe I would snag
a few to bring with me. I plucked a yellow, a white, and a purple one. A few blades of the soft grass too just for
good measure. I wished I could stay all day but I needed to get back and finish packing. Call Phil and tell him to
remind my mother of when my flight would land. My phone was in my pocket, but even if I had reception I wouldn't
call anyone. This place was his, mine and Edwards. I stood up and put my face to my stolen memories and breathed
them in. In a voice that so quiet I'd barley said anything at all I whispered,

"Goodbye Edward, I love you."

"Bella don't go."

I didn't look up. Oh wow, I thought to myself. I've really lost it now. It had been so long since I'd heard his
voice in my head but I still could recall it perfectly. I knew I wasn't in danger now but I guess total insanity
worked too.

"Open your eyes, love."

I squeezed my eyes shut enjoying what I knew was probably my final delusion.

"No," I whispered "you'll go away if I do"

"I swear I'm not ever going away again, please just look at me."

I usually disobeyed the voice so that I could keep hearing it. I figured this last time I would listen to it, if it
ended it ended. If it didn't maybe it would get even better.

So I raised my face, swollen and puffy eyed from crying, to look up. Across from me on the other edge of the meadow
was the most amazing creature that has ever walked the earth. His skin shining like diamonds, his golden eyes
looking into mine.

"Oh this is a good one." I breathed, my cracked mind was providing me with one last look.

The perfect face looked confused.

"But you are all the way over there" I whined to my delusion.

"Would you like me to come closer?"

With just a half a nod of my head he was in front of me and I gasped. Maybe I had just fallen asleep, was I
dreaming?

"I'd forgotten you can do that in real life too!" I said.

The perfect face twisted in confusion further. Confusion and worry.

"Are you all right?"

"No. I know you aren't real but this is the closest I can ever be to being all right again."

He reached his hand out very slowly, like he was waiting for me to object. I felt the cool finger tips trace a line
along my jaw. Move down to wrap gently around my throat to caress it, his hand spread out onto my chest and came to
rest over my heart.

A vision cannot touch me, I was quite sure of that. I'd dreamed of Edward many times and a dream cannot make me
feel like that, no matter how good it is. As it occurred to me that it was actually Edward standing in front of me I shook uncontrollably. My knees gave out but before I could fall even an inch he caught me and held me up.

"But...you said..I...you can't..." I used to imagine what I would say to him if I ever got the chance. I was
pretty sure that was not it. Falling was not what I had planned to do.

"May I explain?"

I nodded since it seemed I had forgotten how to form a coherent sentence.

He started slowly. "I left so that you could be safe and so that you could have the human life you deserve, without
legends and monsters. It was selfish of me to want to keep you for myself and pull you into my world. I came back because I couldn't stand not knowing if you were all right. When I saw that you were happy with him, as hard as it was I told myself that I would stay close, but leave you alone. Then Alice saw you leaving and if you want a normal life in Jacksonville I won't keep you from it. But before you go I thought you should know..." the words started to rush out now "that I have never stopped loving you and I never will. Please believe that if nothing else. There's no way I ever could. I had to lie to you because I knew there was no hope of you ever moving on if you knew how I really felt. I don't even have to words to express how sorry I am. But I'm willing to spend the next thousand years trying to make it up to you if you will let me."

EPOV

She was still shaking in my arms. Of course she needed a moment to take that in. She opened her mouth to speak and
I waited on pins and needles. She was as warm as always, so soft.

"I...I want you to keep me" she whispered, tears streaming from her eyes.

"I will then. I will. You are the only one that has ever mattered to me" I told her as I pulled her close. I buried my face in her hair and breathed in deep.

"Bella I know you are hurting right now, I wish I could make it go away."

"You already are" she murmured into my chest. We stood just holding each other for a moment, then I pulled back to
look at her.

"When I told you that you are my life, I meant it."

"And you are mine," she said as she smiled up at me. I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to be getting a second chance. That I got to keep her.

I held her face softly in my hands "I'll do anything I can to make you happy." I brought my face down to hers, and kissed her just like I had the very first time.

BPOV

And when Edward kissed me, I was home.


A/N: Hope you liked. I may keep this going, but this does seem a good place to end it. If you were hoping to see some Edward and Bella action you may like my new story I just started. Its about thier first night together after Bella is turned which can be found here
http://books.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600094420
Thanks so much to those who rated this story, keep it up, and I'm still looking forward to my first review ;)