Feminine Woes

Edward grumbled to himself as he walked down the hall. Being a woman was too damn confusing! No wonder they were so temperamental! The heels, the hose, the periods- and dear God, the shaving. He didn't even want to think about that fiasco. Give him a beard to shave any day!

Jason was coming out of his room. "Hey Terry. What's up?"

The assassin paused, then remembered that was his name now. "Nothing... just... thinking about how things suck as a woman and you men have things so much easier..."

Jason raised an eyebrow. "Okay..." Terry had always seemed distant.

"Well, it's true! The most difficult thing men have to do is aim their fucking cock while pissing." Shit. That was NOT a girl like sentence.

"Hey, guys have to deal with stuff, too." Mostly crazy ass women.

"Oh really?" Edward could debate that all day.

"Yeah. Girls get to be all soft and nice." He said.

"HA! And have periods! You try bleeding out your hooha every month and getting cramps and shit!" Edward was proud of that sentence. It was better than snatch

Jason was taken back. Women never talked like that. He was at a loss for words.

Edward smirked. "What?"

"Women just don't normally say stuff like that..."

"Oh. Shit." He hit himself.

"Are you ok, Terry?" Jason asked. Jean-Claude sure knew how to pick them.

Edward let his face go blank. "Fine. Just... Jean-Claude's so... so..."

"So Jean-Claude?" He offered.

Glancing up and down the hall, Edward pushed Jason back into his room and slammed the door shut. "You say one fucking word of this to anyone, and I will kill you. There will be nothing left of your blonde stripper ass for anyone to find, got that?"

"Hey! You shoved me into my room and started making threats!" Jason said angrily.

Edward let his face go into its normal state, showing the wolf exactly who he was. It wasn't the emotionless face Anita tried for... no, this was 'I'll fucking kill you, and I'll enjoy doing it'...

"Oh my God..." Jason said. "No.. it can't... you look like this guy Edward I know."

"Exactly. Edward. Not Terry." Death glared.

"Wait...you're Edward?" Jason said, shocked. "But...you...a girl."

"I was cursed." Edward growled, sitting on Jason's bed. "And if you think being a fucking man is hard, you have no damn idea!"

"Well..." Jason stared at him. "I see why you're been upset since you got here, now."

"Tell anyone and I will rip you balls off and shove them up your cock."

"I doubt anyone would believe me, but my lips are sealed."

"Good." Edward sighed. "So stop looking at my tits."

Jason looked away. "Right. Sorry."

"I hate fucking vampires. Are they trained to be that fucking annoying and... whatever the hell it is about them that makes you attracted no matter what?"

Edward was attracted to Jean-Claude, Jason guessed. "I don't know. I kind of like one myself."

Death raised a brow at the stripper. "Oh, really?"

"Hey, we're in the same boat, so don't say it that way." Jason said sitting down in a chair

"It's so fucking confusing! I didn't even LIKE the poof of a vampire until my balls moved to my chest." Edward pouted.

Jason shrugged. "I've been with a guy before, so I guess it's not so weird for me."

"Well... I'm attracted to Jean-Claude... but it's messed up... The other night he was gonna go down on me, and I freaked. It just seems wrong..." Edward sighed.

"He was going to go down on you?" Jason asked amused.

"Drop it, dog face."

"Sure thing." Jason said. He valued his life too much to tease Death.

"So, which vampire is it you like?"

"Asher." Jason said. "But don't tell him. He's so...fragile."

"What? Why shouldn't you tell him?" Edward blinked. Hadn't Jean-Claude said Asher liked Jason?

"He's kind of touchy about things because of his scars." He explained.

"Well... what if I told you I knew that Asher liked you?"

Jason laughed. "Yeah, right..."

"Dead serious. I don't joke. Jean-Claude even told him he had permission to 'court you' or some shit..." Edward crossed his legs.

Jason stared at him. "Oh my God..." His heart was founding furiously.

"Yeah. He got all flustered and left the room. You could tell Jean-Claude was right. He likes you."

Jason smiled. "Thanks for the tip."

"Not a problem." Edward shrugged. "Might as well have something entertaining to watch while I'm stuck as a chick..."

"I'm glad my love life is entertaining." Jason rolled his eyes.

"Like you didn't find the fact that I freaked when Jean-Claude went to go down on me funny." Death rolled his eyes right back at the wolf. "I just... it's wrong..."

"Maybe you just need to ease into being technically gay."

"Huh?"

"Well maybe Jean-Claude is taking it too fast. You know, make out a bit and then ease yourself into it." Jason looked at him.

"Eh..." Edward sighed. "Maybe..."

"You should try it out." Jason told him.

"Personally, I think something going up a guy's ass would hurt." He paused, "Then again... I don't have to worry about that..."

"Yeah, you actually have a place to put it." Jason smiled at him.

"I'd rather not have one. Periods are fucking satanic."

"I've heard that from my sister before." Jason leaned back in the chair.

"Yeah, well, trust me- being a woman is worse than anything a man's ever had to deal with." Edward sighed.

"I would not want to talk in your shoes. There's no way to fix it?"

"Rowena, the witch, basically said we have to wait for some stupid ass part of the curse to be fulfilled, as nothing else has worked." The assassin looked forlorn.

"Hmm.." Jason said. "Shitty deal. I have to go to work, T-Edward so I'll catch you later."

"Yeah. I guess it was good talking. At least someone else knows now."

"Well, good luck." He said as he headed out.

Edward left the wolf's room, moving into the hall way. He decided talk to Jean-Claude about what Jason had said.

The vampire watched him for a moment after Death's proclamation. "I thought that last night meant that you decided that you were not attracted..."

"I am attracted, but I agree with Jason. Maybe we can take things slower." Edward paced across Jean-Claude's room.

"Oui... we could try that, if that is your wish..." Jean-Claude watched the human pace.

"I mean, I don't want you be not be ok with this." He continued to pace.

"Non, Edward... I am fine with this... I simply thought that you had changed you mind..."

"No." Edward finally stopped pacing. "I just need time."

"Bon." Jean-Claude smiled. "That, Edward, is something I have plenty of."

"Good." Edward said after a minute.

"Perhaps we shall start with a kiss?"

He nodded. "I think that'll be ok."

"Then kiss me, Morte..." Jean-Claude smiled, beckoning the assassin to where he sat.

Edward paused then slowly made his way over to the vampire. He sat down beside him.

Jean-Claude stroked Edward's cheek, then made a show of placing his hands in his lap. "Your move, Edward."

He had taken on entire kisses of vampires before, but now that he had to kiss one, his courage failed him. Finally, he pressed his lips against Jean-Claude's quickly. Edward sat there shocked with himself. He'd just voluntarily kissed a man!

Smiling, Jean-Claude stroked Edward's face again. "You may kiss me any time you want... but I will not kiss you unless you start it."

"That's not fair." He pouted. This whole thing was on his shoulders now.

"How so, Edward?"

"I have to do everything now."

"Non, not everything. I plan on making you want to kiss me... a lot." Jean-Claude smirked, licking his lips.

Edward didn't like the way he was smiling. "Right..."

He laughed softly. "You doubt me, Edward?" He purred the sentence, looking... inviting. His lips were full and sweet looking.

"No." Edward quickly looked away from his lips. The man was a fucking walking orgasm.

"Bon..." He breathed the word, kissing Edward's cheek.

"I thought you said you weren't going to kiss me." He said, eyes half clouded with lust.

"I will not kiss your mouth..."

"Oh..." He had to swallow. "I think I'll go shower." Edward rose only to have Jean-Claude grab his hand.

"Let your sweet lips brush mine once more before you leave... please, Cher morte..." He stroked Edward's fingers.

Edward felt his knees go weak. For once he gave in and bent down for a quicky kiss but Jean-Claude pulled him into his lap for a much longer kiss.

Slowly, gently, Jean-Claude let his lips coax Edward's.

Edward opened his mouth a bit. He moaned softly.

Jean-Claude teased Edward's lower lip with his tongue.

Forgetting himself, Edward ran his tongue across Jean-Claude's.

The vampire moaned softly at the caress.

Edward felt his skirt slid up. He didn't know why Jean-Claude didn't have any pants for him. He knew Edward hated underwear. He thought about it for several seconds and it made perfect sense. Jean-Claude was a guy.

Jean-Claude purred as they kissed, smelling Edward's heat.

He pulled back a bit, his lips tingling. "That was way more than a kiss."

"Oui... perhaps... you should do... what was it you were doing?" Jean-Claude frowned, having forgotten in his lust.

"Shower." Edward managed to get out.


"Ah... oui. Shower..." Jean-Claude fingers splayed gently over Edward's soft thigh, rubbing idle circles on it.

Edward sat there trying to think about how very close his hand was to his crotch. He hoped Jean-Claude didn't have wandering hands.

"You should go, Cher morte..."

"Uh, yeah." He said, but didn't move.

"Edward?" Jean-Claude quirked a brow.

"Hmm?" Edward asked, lost in thought.

"Are you going to stay in my lap or shower? Because... I do not promise how much longer I will be able to still my hands."

"Oh." Edward slid off his lap. "Sorry."

"Non... do not be sorry. Merci for the kisses. Enjoy your shower." Jean-Claude sighed. "And I shall see about a cool bath..."

He nodded as he headed back to his room. Edward undressed and stepped into the shower. He turned it on and simply enjoyed the water rolling over his body.

Jean-Claude glared down at his throbbing member. "You do not make controlling myself any easier. Non." He sighed.

Edward slid a hand between his legs so he could release the sexual tension in his body.

Slowly, the vampire gave in, undoing his pants and taking his hard length into his hand, stroking it as he imagined Edward's slightly callused hand instead of his own.

Edward put on his robe. He swore as he realized he'd forgotten his damn purse in the room. Women didn't have a place to carry wallets so Jean-Claude had given him the purse. He was always forgetting the thing. He sighed and headed back to Jean-Claude's room to grab it. He went in without knocking and froze.

Jean-Claude moaned softly as he stroked himself, moisture coating his cock from his need. God, he could smell Edward, he needed him so...

Edward knew he should leave, but he didn't want to draw Jean-Claude's attention to him.

Circling the head of his member with his thumb, Jean-Claude stroked a hand up his chest to tease his nipples. "Morte..."

He made a noise, a soft moan, and it was enough to draw Jean-Claude's attention.

The vampire froze, completely still as he stared at Edward, then slowly, deliberately ran his hand over his cock again, his eyes on Edward's.

Edward took a deep breath, his breasts pushing against his robe. He realized it was all he had on. He started into Jean-Claude's eyes and felt lost.

Jean-Claude growled at the sight. "Morte... what are you here for?" He didn't stop in his caresses of his throbbing cock.

"I..uh..my purse." Edward said, his heart pounding. "I wanted my phone."

"Then get it, unless you are enjoying the show..." He pinched his nipple, moaning.

Edward managed to tear his gaze long enough to spot his purse. It, of course, was next to Jean-Claude. He bit his lip and headed towards the vampire.

His nostrils flared at the scent of Edward's arousal and other emotions, groaning low in his throat. "Knocking..."

"Is a good idea." He finished for him. He bent slightly over Jean-Claude and grabbed his purse. His robe slipped open a bit.

He growled, stilling as his gaze locked on the expanse of flesh. "Get. Out."

Edward stumbled back at the growl. He tripped on a pair of Jean-Claude's boots and fell on his ass, flashing Jean-Claude in the process. The robe was now completely open.

Jean-Claude moved, as if getting ready to pounce. "Edward..." He whispered the name, his voice dripping in raw sex.

Edward looked up slowly meeting his gaze.

Jean-Claude licked his lips, and moved, slowly crawling over Edward- so close to touching, but not quite. "Get out..."

"I can't." He answered softly. "You're on top of me."

The vampire rolled, grabbing Edward's hips and pulling him on top before releasing the assassin. "Go!"

Edward bit his lip. Once again, he'd changed his mind. Maybe it was because Jean-Claude had him so turned on, he didn't care if he was a man on the inside. He wanted this. "No." He said firmly. He leaned down and kissed the vampire.

He groaned, fisting his hands as he fought not to take him then and there. "You don't want this..."

"I do." Edward pressed against his hard cock. "I want you."

"You'll regret it..." Jean-Claude groaned.

"I won't." He kissed him again. "Please..."

"Merde!" Jean-Claude kissed Edward deeply, unable to fight anymore.

He lost himself in Jean-Claude, riding out the fire storm that was rolling through his veins. He didn't care how it would turn out. He wanted Jean-Claude.

He shoved the robe from Edward's body, kissing and sucking his neck, marking the assassin.

Edward closed his eyes, moaning. "Shit!"

Jean-Claude cupped Edward's breasts, fingering the assassin's nipples. Dieu, it didn't seem to matter... in a man's body or a woman's, he wanted Death, though some small part of him wished Edward was in his true form. He leaned up, sucking a puckered nipple into his mouth.

He gasped. Women's nipples were way more sensitive than guy's were. He moaned, grabbing a handful of Jean-Claude's hair. He could feel Jean-Claude pressed up against him. He longed to have him buried deep inside.

The vampire nibbled gently on the nubbin, flicking his tongue over it as he would a more sensitive part of Edward's anatomy. His hands slid over the blonde's thighs, slowly towards the apex.

Edwards shuddered at his touch, his blue eyes filled with passion. He could let have Jean-Claude have him tonight. He used the handful of hair he had to pull the vampire away from his body. He kissed him, wanting more. There was a very loud knocking on the door. Edward pulled back. "Fuck."

Jean-Claude growled, sitting up. He was going to murder whoever dared to knock upon his door and disturb him. He set Edward off of him, then moved to the door, so quickly that Edward couldn't see him, wrenching it open despite his current state. A little old woman could have been there, and he wouldn't have cared.

"What?!'

Jason jerked at the sound of his voice. "Um, we just got a call from Guilty Pleasures. They got attacked by some nut-job from Humans Only. Everyone's ok, but Asher told me to come tell you."

The Master of the City's eyes widened. "Merde." He adjusted his clothing hurriedly, looking at Edward. "I shall return." Without waiting, he disappeared down the hallway.

Jason followed him. "Um...Edward told me what happened."

"And?" Jean-Claude nearly growled the word. "What have the police said?"

"Oh, yeah. That." Jason said. "Well Buzz took him down before he hurt anyone and the police took him into custody."

"Who was it? The name?" The vampire fisted his hands. "What was his plan?"

"Um, Marks. I didn't catch his first name. Asher was distraught. Half of what he said was in French. All I know was he had a gun with silver bullets."

"Was anyone shot?"

"No, like I said Buzz caught him before anything happened."

"Bon." Jean-Claude looked around for Jason's car. "Where have you parked?"

"It's over there." He walked towards his car. He was worried about Asher. He'd been freaking out when he'd spoken to Jason. "Does...Asher have feelings for me?" Jason finally blurted out.

That made Jean-Claude give a slight pause. "Where would you have gotten that idea, Mon Loup?"

"Just...does he?" Jason asked as he drove.

Jean-Claude sighed. "Oui, Jason, he does. Why? Has he made advances that are unwelcome?" He doubted Asher would have- his friend would have fled at the slightest hint his advances weren't welcome. It had been so since his scarring.

"No, he hasn't made any advances and that's the problem." He sighed. "I like Asher, a lot. I mean, I always saw myself with a girl, even though I experimented a bit, but Asher...he's different."

"How so?"

"He's special to me. I want to spend everyday with him." Jason paused. "I'm in love with him, but I don't want to push too hard because he's been through a lot."

"What brought this on now, Jason? Why talk to me about this tonight of all nights instead of another?" Jean-Claude's brow furrowed.

"I'm just worried about Asher. That guy could have shot him." His knees were still a bit weak from the news.

Jean-Claude reached over, rubbing the wolf's back. "Non, Mon Pomme... do not worry. He is fine, though I am sure he was just as worried about you."

"I wasn't there." Jason said. It had been his night off. "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him and I didn't tell him how I felt."

"Then you need to tell him, Jason. I will be surprised indeed should he reject you."

Jason parked the car and they headed inside.

Asher paced in front of the stage, the customers mostly having left, the police taking statements. Most of them hadn't even seen the incident. One shot had gone off, fired erratically. It had torn through his sleeve, somehow missing his arm and lodging in the wall instead. Dieu... over seven hundred years suddenly seemed far too short.

"Mon Ami!" Jean-Claude ignored stares from policemen and others unused to his bizarre relationship with Asher and embraced his old lover. "Jason worried me more than I have worried in one hundred years!"

Jason ran over to them. "Buzz said you almost got shot." He sounded worried.

Making a motion to his sleeve, Asher nodded. "Oui... the bullet, however, decided my flesh was not as tempting as the wall." As Jean-Claude fussed over him, making sure the bullet had not touched him, he met Jason's gaze, his husky eyes dark as they met the blue. An odd feeling filled him, a mixture of emotions he'd never act upon, despite Jason's concerned aura. Obviously, he was worried for a friend.

Jason, too, made sure he was alright. Buzz had nearly giving him a heart attack when he told him how close Asher had been to being shot.

"Jason, I am fine, I assure you..." Asher mentally kicked himself for the reaction he felt low in his stomach at the wolf's close proximity.

Satisfied that his friend was alright, Jean-Claude sighed. "Mon Ami, I am off to deal with the police. Jason, please make sure he leaves and goes to the Circus and *rests*." Ah... so he was matchmaking... So? Perhaps then he'd finally be able to seduce Edward properly and completely!

Jason watched him walk off. He was glad to finally be alone with Asher. "My car's outside. You need to rest after everything that happened, like Jean-Claude said."

Asher sighed. "Mon Loup, I am fine-"

He grabbed Asher's hand and half dragged him outside. "You were almost shot. You're not fine." He sounded distressed.

"Jason, I'm fine..." The wolf sounded panicked at the thought of something happening to him, but why? "Do not worry so. The event was nearly over before it began."

"I don't care." Jason pulled Asher against him and kissed him fiercely. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

Asher stared at Jason, absolutely stunned, raising a hand to his lips.

"I am in love with you, Asher. I want you to know that." He buried his face in Asher's chest.

The vampire's heart beat frantically, and slowly he embraced Jason, wrapping his arms gently around the cub. "You love moi?" His voice shook.

"Yes." Jason looked up at him.

"Why... Jason, why would you love me?" Asher subconsciously made sure that his scars were covered in a golden fall off hair, "You're young... perfect... intelligent, humorous, caring... lovely. And you'd give your heart to moi?" He stepped back slightly.

"Asher, you're the first person I've ever met that I felt I could act normal around. You're special to me." He felt rejected as Asher stepped back. Jean-Claude had been so sure. "I'm sorry that you don't feel the same way." He said head hung low, he went over to his car.

Asher stared for a moment, his heart f.uill. "Jason!" He flew before the wolf, cupping his face. "I... Je suis desole- I never hoped... I thought... surely... I..."

Jason met his gaze. "Thought what? I couldn't love you because of your scars." He shook his head. "I see who you are on the inside."

Pulling Jason into his arms, Asher covered the shorter man's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply.

He leaned against him, eyes half closed. He'd wanted Asher for so long.

"Mon Loup..." Asher murmured against Jason's lips, "Mon Petite Cher Loup... Je t'adore... Je t'aime..."

"I love you too, Asher." Jason smiled up at him. "Now let's go before Jean-Claude yells at us."

"You're not leaving my arms for longer than it takes to get to the Circus, Jason." Asher warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He grinned as he unlocked the car.

The vampire smiled widely, so widely Asher showed fang. "Je reve de toi..."

"I don't know what that means, but thanks...I think." He drove them back to the circus.

Asher laughed, "It means 'I dream of you', my wolf." He reached over, taking Jason's hand.

Jason squeezed his hand. "I dream of you too." He got out of the car and ended right back up in Asher's arms. He felt warm, safe. "Today was a good day."