Forgetting Neverland

 

Peter awoke with a scream. His nightmares were becoming more real and more frequent and this one consisted of Hook plundering Wendy right in front of him, then slitting her throat. Peter hugged himself, wondering if they did escape, would he ever be free of the nightmares? Even if he did grow up, would he ever be normal? He didn’t think so. But then, he didn’t think Wendy would be either. She had been through just as much as he had, perhaps more. And they would be together, they could help each other through it. That is, he thought, a pang in his heart, if she would ever speak to him again. Would she ever forgive him? New tears replaced the old ones as he remembered the look on her face, the cold sorrow in her voice as she spoke those words. And it was his fault…it was he who had caused Wendy to jump into the icy water, wanting to end her life. Peter covered his head, attempting to shut out the memories. He lay down and tried to go back to sleep, only to be woken by yet another terrible vision.

Neither Smee nor Hook returned at all that night and Peter longed for some news. He heard voices right outside the cabin and tensed up, expecting the worst but no one visited him in his lonely prison. Around mid day the following day, Smee knocked on Peter’s door tentatively and set a tray of food on the floor beside him.

“Wendy?” he asked desperately. Hook peered in to listen to Smee’s reply.

“She still hasn’t woken and the surgeons are doing everything they can. They ask who ‘Peter’ is. Says she whispers the name over and over in her sleep.” Peter’s heart thumped painfully. “But they want to know how she got to be in such a horrid state—“

“And you said,” Hook said sharply, making them both jump. Smee looked at the floor.

“I told ‘em I found the girl like that and immediately brought her in. No offense Cap’n, but if I told them I sailed with the notorious Captain Hook, they’d no know exactly how she got to be in such a state.” Hook said nothing as he examined his filthy fingernails.

“And when will she return to us?”

“They’re not letting her go anytime soon. I said I’d return to see how she fared tonight but they refuse to let anyone near her. She’s in a delicate state. More delicate than we thought, I mean.” Smee cast a quick look at Peter before he took a deep breath and continued. “They say Miss Wendy is with child.” The tankard of water hit the floor with a thud, as Peter stared at Smee with wide eyes. Hook only looked mildly impressed.

“Whose is it, I wonder,” he spoke more to his hook than to the others. Peter couldn’t breathe; his heart beat rapidly against his chest. Wendy was little more than a child herself…and what would he do if it resembled Hook? The thought made him sick.

“May I visit her? Please? I’ll go in chains if I have to but please let me see her.” Smee looked at Hook for an answer.

“Perhaps tomorrow you may accompany Mr. Smee to visit our dear Wendy,” Hook said slowly. Peter squeezed his eyes shut, doing his best to blink back tears. He felt like he did nothing but cry these days. Oh if the Lost Boys could see him now. If the citizens of Neverland could see him now! Weeping like a little girl.

“Come Mr. Smee. Let us leave our little Prince to his thoughts.” He slammed the door shut behind him and Peter collapsed on the floor, his mind racing. He paced the room all night, waiting. Smee did not return to tell him if Wendy had improved so Peter was left alone, almost on the brink of insanity.

            The next evening, Smee came in holding a pair of breeches and a pirate shirt.

“The Cap’n is letting you accompany me to the surgeon tonight. Dress quickly and we may go.” Peter jumped into the clothes and followed Smee onto the deck. Hook was nowhere to be seen but Peter felt safer with Smee. The pirates all glared at him as he past, so he looked straight ahead and followed Smee onto land.

When they came to the building with the red-cross overhead, Smee knocked sharply on the door. The woman who came to the door had a kindly look about her and she opened the door wider so they could both enter.

“Are you both here to see Miss Pan then?” Peter gave Smee a quick puzzled look but Smee nodded and the woman led them to a room at the back of the hallway. She peered in first, spoke to someone in the room, nodded, and left them alone. Smee was about to open the door but Peter stopped him.

“Mr. Smee…why do they call her Miss Pan?” Smee actually smiled at him.

“We’re in England, Peter. The Cap’n knew of no surgeons, pirate or otherwise in Neverland so we sailed to England. I felt it might be dangerous to use Wendy’s real name. Pan seemed like a natural name to use.” Peter swallowed and nodded his head. Smee stood aside.

“You go in alone. I think you two need to talk.” Peter’s heart raced.

“Does that mean she’s awake?” Smee only smiled and Peter pushed the door open. There was a small bed in the corner of the room but the room was quite cheery. There was a vase of flowers on the table and a window was allowing the sunlight to stream in right over her bed. She looked a hundred percent better. Her eyes were closed but her face was a normal color, her lips were no longer blue, her hair was brushed and clean. Her hands lay on top of the blankets and Peter nearly cried out when he saw two of her fingers were missing. The woman who was tending to Wendy rushed toward him and held out her hand.

“I’m Anne, Miss Pan’s nursemaid. Are you Peter?” Silently, he nodded. “It’s about time you showed up. She’s been whispering your name for days.” Anne bent close to Wendy and pushed a strand of hair out of her face lovingly.

“Child, wake up now. There’s someone here to see you.” Wendy’s eyes remained close and Anne just sighed.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a moment. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Peter tried to thank her…for everything, but his throat stuck and he could only nod again. He slowly moved closer to the bed. Now that he was here, he was sure Wendy would not want to see him. She was in this state because of him. He was on the verge of turning and running from the room when he let out a little moan and mumbled his name. In a flash, he was by her side, holding her hand and stroking her cheek.

“I’m here Wendy. Can you hear me? It’s me, Peter. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now but…oh Wendy, please forgive me. Please wake up and talk to me.” Her eyes fluttered open and it took her a moment to realize who was at her side. She actually recoiled when she discovered it was Peter and his heart sank.

“Oh Wendy,” he said, tears streaming down his cheeks. Wendy shook her head but didn’t speak so Peter sat on the edge of the bed and grasped her hand.

“I know you don’t want me here and I won’t stay for long…I only wanted to see you. If only for a moment but I had to see you. I had to tell you a thousand times how sorry I am and…how much I love you.” Wendy closed her eyes and Peter saw tears start to run down her cheeks. But she still didn’t speak.

“Wendy…it was all a trick. A cruel trick of Hook’s. He promised me he would let us leave together if I agreed to it. I actually thought he was telling the truth. I was fool enough to think he actually meant it. As soon as you ran out, I called your name but Hook…well, he detained me.” He winced at the memory of it. “And then when Smee brought you to me…I stayed by your side all night. I tried to nurse you back to health, like you did for me but I failed you. I failed you, Wendy, and I don’t blame you if you never want to speak to me again.” Unable to go on, he lay his head on Wendy’s arm and his tears soaked her sleeve. He wept like a little boy, clutching Wendy’s arm. Wendy’s hand lifted slowly and rested on his head. He looked up at her through streaming eyes and saw her smile. Her hand moved to his cheek and she motioned for him to come closer. Peter moved his face close to her mouth, thinking she was going to whisper something into his ear but she pulled him toward her and kissed his cheek in the gentlest manner. Peter’s gaze held hers for the longest time and she just continued to smile. She touched her throat and shook her head to indicate she wasn’t able to speak. Peter’s face fell and he looked anxious.

“You can’t talk?” She shook her head. “But you’re feeling better?” She nodded. “Then that’s all I care about.” His hands wrapped around her and she settled into his arms, allowing him to hold her for as long as he could. But there was a knock at the door and Anne walked in.

“I’m sorry but Miss Pan needs her rest now.” Wendy’s eyes darted from Peter to Anne to Peter again at the mention of the new name but Peter said nothing. He leaned over and kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you, Wendy.” Wendy cupped his cheek again and leaned back in her bed, closing her eyes. Peter followed Anne out of the room, casting one last glance at her before he left.

“I wonder if I could have a word Mr…?”

“Pan. Wendy is my wife.” Anne looked startled for a moment but she recovered instantly.

“Mr. Pan, your wife has been through some terrible ordeal. Are you aware?”

“I am. She has been missing for several days now and my friend Mr. Smee came to tell me he found her and brought her here. I intend to take her home whenever she is recovered.”

“And you are aware that your wife is with child?” Peter swallowed, his heart racing, but he nodded.

“We found out the day before she disappeared. We celebrated the news. We want a big family.”

“She has been raped repeatedly,” Anne said in a hard voice. Peter swallowed again. “And you don’t seem surprised. I’m not sure if Wendy returning with you is a good idea.”

“Miss Anne, I can assure you I will show Wendy every love and devotion and protection that I am able,” Peter said in a strong voice, drawing himself up to his full height.

“The love and protection that you’ve been showing?” Peter just stared at her, returning her cold glares. “Very well. She is showing signs of improvement and I think her voice will return within a few days. We did have to perform a few amputations due to her hypothermia. But she has been eating and resting as normal and will be ready to go home in the next few days.”

“Thank you so much for all you’ve done, Miss Anne. I truly appreciate it.” Anne nodded briskly, then went back into Wendy’s room and shut the door. Peter wanted to fall to his knees. How he wished he could tell he the truth but how did he know that the doctors would release her? Come to that…what would Hook do if they didn’t release her? If they refused to let her leave with Peter, she’d be away from Hook, and that of course would be exactly what Peter wanted. It would tear his heart out to leave her there but she would be safe. Safe from Hook and his pirates and from Peter. He said nothing to Smee as they made their way back to the Jolly Roger, but he pondered his plan all night and planned to tell Hook in the morning that the doctors were refusing to release Wendy. With any luck, Hook would give up and sail away, taking Peter with him and leaving Wendy alone forever.