Not So Wonderland Anymore

I was wrong I soon realized, that these were not home videos. These we sick twisted memorabilia of a rapist man. My so called dad. He was touching me. Holding me down. Un..dressing me. I looked away. But I then began to see them the flashbacks. I was on my bed. Mom was away for the weekend. He said “When mom’s away he got to play.” I cried. I cried for hours. I was 9. I begged him to stop. He said that crying was natural. That this happened all the time.
I began to see more of them. He was rough and mean. and always hurting me. It never got better. He would push himself inside of me. As hard and as fast he could. He would make me suck him off. So many more memories. Nights, weekends, during the day when mom was at work. Any chance he got. He said I was his sanctuary. After a while I let him do it. I knew I couldn’t stop him. So I lay there and let him do with me as he wished. I became an empty shell. Wishing for another place to go. He did this all the way up to my accident. Even the night of my accident.
“So you found them?” I heard his Voice come from behind. I looked up an Glared at him.
“you’re a monster.” I said to him.
“So you remember the most wonderful times we’ve had together?” He asked.
“I swear to it I will punish you for what you did to me. I am a change person and I will not lay down and take it.” I said to him. He advanced towards me. I looked behind there was no where for me to run. But I didn’t have my Hat. No hat no powers.
He grabbed me by the arm and threw me into the wall. He then pressed his body up against my back and smashed my face into the wall hard. He rubbed his sick erection against my thigh. You see what you do to me. You come down here an tease me like a little tramp and you try to tell me that you’ve changed. bull shit. You probably spread you legs so wide for the lunatic. Gave it up willingly.” He said as he grabbed my hair and threw me on the bed. I began to try to get up and get in position where I could fight him. But I underestimated his size until now. He was so much larger than me.
“Come on. Don’t fight it. You know you like it.” He said to me as he began to remove my jeans. I elbowed him the face and he backed off a bit. Enough for me to try to maneuver out. An escape attempt that failed he clocked me on the side of my head and I fell back down. He had my pants removed in seconds.
“If you don’t get off of me, I’ll scream.” I said to him.
“Right.” He said. He didn’t believe me.
I began to suck in air but he placed his hand over my mouth. I bit down on his hand as hard as I could. Drawing blood. Without warning he ripped his hand out of my mouth then placed his other one in it so fast and yanked down. I heard snap and my jaw with slack. I could taste blood in my mouth. Pain shot though my jaw and tears rolled down my face.
“that will teach you. He said as he entered me. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t even beg. He pushed himself in and out in and out. Faster and harder, faster and harder. He would say over and over sanctuary, sanctuary. He grabbed my breast so hard and pulled them so hard. I lifted up my hand and tried to hit him but he punched me in the should so hard I heard another pop. My arm went limp.
“Just give it to me baby. Just give to me.” He said as he picked up pace. My head began to hit the wall at the head of the bed. Over and over again. Harder with each thrust. I could fell him ripping though my insides. My tears were pouring and my face was soaked. The last thing I remembered was him throwing his head back. Then pain over took me and I passed out.