The Garden of Heden

The Garden of Heden (by me, not the guy who wants to steal it, ME)

Disclaimer: the bible is the most-sold book in the western hemispere...... I wish I did own it, think of the roytalties...... If anyone does own the royalties, I'll buy them for £1.50, and some old tic-tacs!!!!!!!


In the beginning there was once a nice place called the Garden of Eden. God made it. It was a haven, until it was ruined. If you want to know how, then read the bible. So, thousands of years later, when the human race was wiped out (long story), God decided to start again. He called the second one the garden of Heden (something to do with hedonism, plus he sort of picked up a Norfolk accent). It was free of diseases like the flu and sexually transmitted diseases. When he had finished it, he admired it for a while and decided it was a bit, well….boring. Therefore, he created Adam to live in this garden (he was never good with names; it took him a decade to come up with Adam and Eve the first time round). It probably should be mentioned at this point, that shortly after the death of Christ he discovered, after getting heavily drunk and losing a small bet with the devil, the world of hard-core pornography. Very hardcore. I am talking filthy. FILTHY. Lesbian, hardcore bondage, perverted fantasies, Nympho leather-clad nurses with tits that make Jordan look flat, etcetera, etcetera. Needless to say, God accepted it eagerly. Anyway, he made Adam different from his previous creations. He spent a lot more time on his cock, for example. He gave his design the ability to come a little bit multiple times simultaneously without going floppy and then finish with a big one (in other words, multiple orgasms, Yes, you heard me right. Cool or what? All the girls go on about how they so lucky, Now we got em too!!!!! Yay!!!)

After a week, of walking around in God’s wonderful creation, Adam was very happy, but as horny as hell (Lying down was a bit of a problem, if you know what I mean). So Adam asked God for something to relieve him of his 10-inch throbber. God appeared before him as a seven foot tall Adonis who appeared strong enough to lift a small country (he was probably stronger, though). With him were three hot angel-bitches, two of them on his lap moaning loudly, stroking and licking the other’s tits and coming all over his holiness, while the other, the fit seraph Gabriel, drained the holy lord’s rock-hard cock ravenously. Nice bit of alliteration/rhyming there.

“I sense your discomfort, and I have a solution that I know you’ll love,” boomed God. “I shall create you a hot “companion” out of one of your ribs that shall give you great satisfaction!” This news pleased Adam greatly, although he was kind of distracted by the angel-bitches, and pissed off that God’s cock was bigger than his was.

A bone appeared in front of Adam. As he watched, it multiplied in size and changed in shape as if it were a liquid (Like the liquid terminator in the sequel, except while floating in mid-air). Eventually the shape solidified into a shape that Adam recognised. “It looks like an angel-bitch, but without wings,” Adam commented.

“I have created this being, using the form of an angel-bitch as a template,” God told him. “It will pleasure you and relieve you of your particular “discomfort”. In return, you must be faithful to each other, and only fuck her fine, tight pussy if you are both ready. Her name is Eve. ”On that note, God vanished, the sound of three angel-bitches having large orgasms echoing after him.

Adam was puzzled. Looking at Eve just seemed to make his bulge worse. It also made him want to feel her all over (author giggles like the retard that he is). However, God had placed in Eve all the basic knowledge about life she needed and a LOT of information about sex. She was also kind of gagging for it, as she had 19 years of sexual urges hit her all at once (Adam was created at the age of 19, and his “companion” was therefore the same age). Eve walked towards Adam, sat down beside him (he was sitting on a handy-dandy rock) and shoved her tongue down his throat. He enjoyed this in one way obviously, but also disliked it because it made the thing between his legs become even longer and harder, and made it throb like mad. Eve soon solved this problem when she took hold of his knob and started playing with it. At this point, God inserted sex education into Adam’s brain. He quickly processed this information, and started to make use of it. He started to massage and fondle her breasts, which turned her on more so she started to rub his cock faster. He kept one hand on her tits, and moved the other down into her crutch. He guessed what she liked first time. Soon both of them were moaning as they felt the first part of the finale. Their groans turned each other even further. Adam was fisting Eve like crazy, and was getting one hell of a hand job in return. Suddenly, Eve screamed as Adam found the spot that took her into ecstasy. Her hands began to spasm, the new unpredictable rhythm causing Adam to find his release. His hot seed shot all over his new lover. She stared at the fluid, and then began to slowly lick it off herself. Adam stared for a moment, then as one part of his body woke up again (up being the key word), his brain began working again. He quickly placed his fingers inside her once again. Eve gasped as pure pleasure shot through her; realising that it felt better than before somehow. Neither of them lasted long, Adam over-aroused by the sight of Eves tongue licking and sucking his fluids off her body, Eve because of Adam discovering the wonderful invention known as the clit. Soon, they came, calling each other names (strange as they had never been introduced) their cum spraying the ground and each-other. They lay there for a half-hour in post-coital bliss, both knowing that they were definitely going to do that again. (Anyone who wouldn't, stop reading now?)

Duh-duh!!!!!! I hope people liked it, I've been going back and tweaking this 4 a year before publishing. The next few chapters are written, but because I'm evil, U don't get em till I get at least 5 reviews (Doesn't matter whether they are compliments or flames, as long as they have a point, Blank or crap reviews don't count) R&R, PEOPLE!!!!!!! Also, I could really use a Beta!