Feminine Woes

Note: Coathuored with Alexia, though it was her idea. Also, Edward is woman and thusly VERY OOC! You have been warned. Enjoy.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edward ducked around a corner, hiding from the witch as flames passed by his head. The witch had been using humans as components in her spells and today he was her grim reaper.

"You can keep trying. Unlike you, I don't run out of my weapons. My magic is from the earth, the air, the wind... and fire!" She laughed evilly, throwing another ball of white hot flames at him.

Edward ducked under the flames and shot her square in the chest as he rolled behind her couch.

Gasping, the witch touched the wound almost as if she didn't feel it as blood spilled in a gruesome stain down her chest. "A curse on you, Death... that you may know what it is to lose what you love...

I call the earth, the air,

the water and fire to me...

remake this fool so that he can see...

Earth for flesh,

air for breath,

water for blood and

fire for love,

so mote it be!" The witch, a woman accused of slaughtering her lover and his mistress flung her hand at Edward, her heart's blood splattering his face before she burst into flames, reduced to ash on the floor in moments.

Edward felt odd, but he'd heard worse from dying people. He holstered his gun and headed home. He undressed and slipped into bed, grateful for its warmth. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death rolled out of bed the next day. He cringed as his feet hit the cold floor. He headed to the bathroom to relieve himself. He was passing the mirror when he noticed something was wrong. He looked at himself, not believing his eyes. He grabbed his chest. "No." He said and it wasn't his voice. He quickly looked inside his pants. "No!" He yelled, but it came out as a girlish scream. Holy shit, he was a woman!

"Mr. Forrester? Is problem?" The thickly accented Spanish maid's voice entered the room. "I bring towels..."

Shit, he needed a cover story. Ok...a name...girl Edward....no that was lame. Teddy...Terry! Terry worked. "Eddy isn't here." He said cringing on the inside. "I'll take those."

The door opened and the maid glared at him... her? "I no know you... Mr. Forrester no like guests- no chicas en el dormitorio de Senor Forrester! Por que- why are you here?"

"I spent the night with him." He lied. "Name's Terry. Eddy headed off earlier. I don't know where he went. Don't worry, Senorita. I will be leaving shortly."

Consuela, a maid who had served Edward whenever he came into town frowned, then smiled. "Bueno. Lo siento. I afraid Senior Forrester NEVER find un chica bella. Donde esta tu clothing?"

"See that's how we met." He laughed. "Last night, when he was out on a job, he ran into me and totally knocked my into this huge puddle. And silly me was wearing white. He gave me some clothes...and well we hit it off." He said praying that he sounded like a woman.

Consuela smiled. "I get you clothes, no?"

"Oh please, could you. All he gave me were these. My whole outfit was ruined so I chucked it." He smiled at her.

"You even talk like the senior." The maid shook her head. "Sizes?"

Shit...he didn't know what size he was as a woman. "Um..."

"Mi hija looks close. I bring." Consuela smiled and ducked from the room.

"Gracias." Edward closed the door. He sighed as he pulled his pants down to go pee. God, he would kill that witch again if he could.