The Day Jasper Went Insane
Summary
I was cracked out on mt dew
Disclaimer:
I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.
Chapter 1 of 1
Posted: January 9, 2010
The Day Jasper Went Insane
The day Jasper went Insane:
It was a normal day in the Cullen household. Well as normal as a family full of vampires and one human ever gets.
Alice had apparently gotten her tiny pixie hands on some crack, either that or she was excited about a shopping trip she was planning to drag Bella on later in the day. Either way the tiny pixie-like vampire was bouncing around the room like someone had shot a super bounce ball out of a cannon.
This was causing poor Jasper to begin to get slightly hyper himself. "Alice, love please stop bouncing?" He all but begged as he started to bounce himself. Jasper hyper? Oh god this will not end well for the rest of the Cullens.
Upstairs in Edward's room Bella was just waking up for the day. "Good morning Bells." Edward whispered as soon as her eyes opened. "You go get a shower and get dressed, I'll make breakfast today."
Bella nodded, figuring Edward could handle the kitchen as long as Emmett hadn't been making modifications to the toaster again. She stood and ducked into the bathroom attached to Edward's bedroom to take a quick shower.
Unfortunatly for our favorite human, Jasper had other ideas and just as she was about to rinse the shampoo from her head he snuck into the bathroom.
Bella squealed softly as one cold arm wrapped around her waist, another covering her mouth to muffle the squeal. In one fluid motion Jasper had plucked her from the shower and placed her, still naked with shampoo dripping down her back, onto his head.
Now this was awkward enough but Jasper was also naked except for a Batman cape around his shoulders. He'd also taken some purple nail polish and drawn a bat on his chisled chest.
"What the hell Jazz?" Bella demanded. Instead of answering Jasper took off down the stairs and into the living room.
"Dananana Danananana BATSPER!" He suddenly screamed, taking off through the living room at the pace of a human run.
Bella's face turned red when she realized that half the family was in the livingroom. Hearing the yelling Carlisle and Esme walked into the room almost as one.
Carlisle blinked and holding back chuckles turned on his heel and quickly walked from the room. Esme blinked at the sight before beginning to laugh.
Rose, Emmett and Alice were rolling on the floor, if they could cry they'd be in tears from the laughter.
Edward heard everyone thinking about Bella naked. "What the hell guys!? Stop that! I really need to concentrate on this bacon!" He shouted.
Bella managed to get enough air to squeak. "Edward help..."
Edward was in the livingroom in a flash, looking extremely pissed off. "Jasper! Put her down! NOW!" He growled.
Jasper was now on his eighth run through the room, as he passed Edward he pinched his brother's nose. "HONK! Eddie's sexually repressed!" He loudly announced, passing Edward quickly.
This only served to enrage our favorite Cullen further, thankfully this stopped Jasper long enough for Edward to dash foward and take his shivering, confused, naked and soaking wet girlfriend off of his brother's head with another deep growl.
Esme had thoughtfully grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch, laying it over Bella.
Edward turned and stalked from the room, no doubt planning on stationing himself outside the door to his bathroom so that Bella could finish her shower in peace.
When he returned to his room Jasper found a note in Edward's neat scroll.
Jasper Whitlock Hale,
If you ever and I mean ever, remove my girlfriend from her shower to run around naked with her on your head again....actually for any reason at all I sware to whatever God happens to be listening I will tear you limb from limb once a week for the next 80 years.
Edward Cullen
P.S. The bat was genius.
It was a normal day in the Cullen household. Well as normal as a family full of vampires and one human ever gets.
Alice had apparently gotten her tiny pixie hands on some crack, either that or she was excited about a shopping trip she was planning to drag Bella on later in the day. Either way the tiny pixie-like vampire was bouncing around the room like someone had shot a super bounce ball out of a cannon.
This was causing poor Jasper to begin to get slightly hyper himself. "Alice, love please stop bouncing?" He all but begged as he started to bounce himself. Jasper hyper? Oh god this will not end well for the rest of the Cullens.
Upstairs in Edward's room Bella was just waking up for the day. "Good morning Bells." Edward whispered as soon as her eyes opened. "You go get a shower and get dressed, I'll make breakfast today."
Bella nodded, figuring Edward could handle the kitchen as long as Emmett hadn't been making modifications to the toaster again. She stood and ducked into the bathroom attached to Edward's bedroom to take a quick shower.
Unfortunatly for our favorite human, Jasper had other ideas and just as she was about to rinse the shampoo from her head he snuck into the bathroom.
Bella squealed softly as one cold arm wrapped around her waist, another covering her mouth to muffle the squeal. In one fluid motion Jasper had plucked her from the shower and placed her, still naked with shampoo dripping down her back, onto his head.
Now this was awkward enough but Jasper was also naked except for a Batman cape around his shoulders. He'd also taken some purple nail polish and drawn a bat on his chisled chest.
"What the hell Jazz?" Bella demanded. Instead of answering Jasper took off down the stairs and into the living room.
"Dananana Danananana BATSPER!" He suddenly screamed, taking off through the living room at the pace of a human run.
Bella's face turned red when she realized that half the family was in the livingroom. Hearing the yelling Carlisle and Esme walked into the room almost as one.
Carlisle blinked and holding back chuckles turned on his heel and quickly walked from the room. Esme blinked at the sight before beginning to laugh.
Rose, Emmett and Alice were rolling on the floor, if they could cry they'd be in tears from the laughter.
Edward heard everyone thinking about Bella naked. "What the hell guys!? Stop that! I really need to concentrate on this bacon!" He shouted.
Bella managed to get enough air to squeak. "Edward help..."
Edward was in the livingroom in a flash, looking extremely pissed off. "Jasper! Put her down! NOW!" He growled.
Jasper was now on his eighth run through the room, as he passed Edward he pinched his brother's nose. "HONK! Eddie's sexually repressed!" He loudly announced, passing Edward quickly.
This only served to enrage our favorite Cullen further, thankfully this stopped Jasper long enough for Edward to dash foward and take his shivering, confused, naked and soaking wet girlfriend off of his brother's head with another deep growl.
Esme had thoughtfully grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch, laying it over Bella.
Edward turned and stalked from the room, no doubt planning on stationing himself outside the door to his bathroom so that Bella could finish her shower in peace.
When he returned to his room Jasper found a note in Edward's neat scroll.
Jasper Whitlock Hale,
If you ever and I mean ever, remove my girlfriend from her shower to run around naked with her on your head again....actually for any reason at all I sware to whatever God happens to be listening I will tear you limb from limb once a week for the next 80 years.
Edward Cullen
P.S. The bat was genius.