She Loved them Both

Chapter 1 : “Bella I want so much to give you everything you deserve..but I can’t.”
Bella's pov
It was getting late. I guessed that it was probably around 12:00pm. I hadn't looked at a clock all night. I was too enthralled with him. Edward. His inhumanly perfect body, his marble lips, his intoxicating scent, oh God, everything Edward. We had been there on our bed in his room since dinner. Well, I had had dinner. I still felt awkward eating food while everyone else in the Cullen family didn't. I was still the outcast, even after marrying Edward. I rubbed one of my eyebrows with the back of my thumb & nestled my head further into Edward's cool chest. "Bella, love are you feeling alright?” Edward whispered into my ear. I smiled into him. I wondered if maybe he was lying about not being able to read my mind. The slightest uncomfortable thought enters my head and he seemed to know. "I'm fine. I'm okay, I mean I was just thinking, no never mind you're in a good mood I don't won't to ruin it." I rushed through my words hoping I hadn't completely killed our nice evening by hinting at the elephant in the room. Edward straightened up in the bed to look at me. "Bella, I’m going to change you. I made a promise. I need a little more time. I just want to talk about a few things with you I--" he said this as if he were reassuring a child. His tone irritated me to such an extent that I interrupted him wildly. "I'm sick of talking Edward. I just want to be like you already & if you won't do it...you know Carlisle will! So you better just--" A crooked smile that played on his lips stopped me in my tracks. Usually when I brought up being changed, especially someone else changing me; his face would scrunch up in anger. But there he was dazzling me with just a hint of a grin. "Bella, you're so adorable when you're angry." He fingered a piece of my dark hair. Then before I knew it he was up and out of our bed leaning over me. "Come on my love let's go for a run. The sky is beautiful tonight." He gently but effortlessly pulled me out of bed. "Way to change the subject.” I muttered. I made my way to our vast closet that Alice had filled with all of her "Alice approved" clothes. "Oww", I moaned unexpectedly clutching my lower back. Edward rushed to my side, with soft concerned eyes. "What’s wrong?" I had cramps. Of course my stupid period was here. It was yet another inconvenience of remaining human. It was going to be so embarrassing going to the store to buy tampons. I would have to think of an excuse to slip away by myself, but of course Edward would insist on driving. Then there was the trash, everyone in the house would know it was mine. They will probably think I'm disgusting and then...oh God. The blood. The smell. Every single member of my vampire family would smell the blood on me. Maybe another female would fear for her life in this situation but not me. All I could fear now was the look on their faces. I could just see Emmet's wide grin. "Somebody's on the rag!" The thoughts raced through my head terrifying me and caused my face to turn bright red. "I'm starting my period okay?! I'm still human remember?! ", I blurted out bitterly. Immediately regretting my outburst, I made a beeline to the bathroom and slammed the door. Staring at my blushed face in the mirror I gritted my teeth, puffed my checks and let out little growl of exasperation. Stupid, stupid, must be my hormones. I totally flew off the handle. There was a light tap on the door. Not surprisingly, Edward in his unwavering devotion; would comfort me. He would assuage me of all my childish fears. That was simply his nature. "Bella love it's alright. I understand. I've been with you the past two years. I know that women menstruate." I cringed at the word. It brought to mind embarrassing sex Ed classes taught by chubby old women handing out samples of Kotex. Why did Edward have to go there? "It's disgusting; I feel gross I don't want to talk about it." I grumbled through the door. Somehow this seemed like a re-run from when I first got my period and was forced to talk to Charlie about it. There was a brief silence and then Edward's voice turned stern and somewhat icy. "Bella open this door right now." The sudden change in his tone scared me a little so I cracked the door open and peeked out at him. He looked beyond angry. He looked infuriated. What had I done to ignite that fire in his eyes? He scooped me up into his arms and glared at me. His eyes seemed to be burning into my own. "Bella, there is nothing not a single thing disgusting about you. Everything about you is beautiful", his eyes softened as the last word left his lips. After a moment I began to see hurt in his eyes. "It's a sign of your humanity. You're a woman, Bella and your body was made to be with a man to pro-create, to have children." He reverently placed a hand on my stomach as he continued. ‘Your womb was created to nourish offspring". He slowly brought both of his hands to my breasts. "Your breasts are endowed with milk glands to nourish a baby... your baby. You deserve a chance to have that. Every time you menstruate; it's another reminder of what I'm taking from you." He let his head rest on my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. He seemed to be stifling a quivering sob. "Bella I want so much to give you everything you deserve but I can't." I couldn't believe the sudden bizarre turn our exchange had taken. Leave it to Edward to make my arrival of aunt flo into some kind of emotional battlefield in a war in which he was the enemy. Still, I couldn't deny the small tug I felt deep inside me every time he had said the word baby. I couldn't ignore his heart wrenching attitude no matter how corny it seemed. "Edward please don't say things like that. You are everything I deserve... I mean I don't even deserve you. I just mean I don't need any of that. I mean we live in the 21st century. There's women’s lib. My mother would die if she heard you say women are made to pro create!" I almost laughed out loud imagining my Mom's face. Edward’s dismissive glance and shake of his head stopped me. "Let’s go get you some sanitary napkins." Just when I thought my face couldn't get any redder; his archaic word for tampons painted my cheeks almost purple.