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June 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
nice. pleasy sneezy update soon!!!
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November 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
well, it was good, and i know she loved erik, but it all seemed kind of . . .idk, it just didnt really work for me. if mme.juiny or whatever only had girls in her brothel at age 14 1/2, why did erik go there? you made it plain that he did not think it moral to have sex with a minor, so why did he contradict himself?
i thought the plot was good, but rather weak on certain standpoints. but rest assured, if you work at it, you will get better.
good job! =)
i thought the plot was good, but rather weak on certain standpoints. but rest assured, if you work at it, you will get better.
good job! =)
schedule
November 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
are you like ever going to update? Please do soon!
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October 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good attempt, but you definetly need to get yourself a BETA, or at the very least a good spell check program. There is definate promise here however!
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October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very Good Story So Far! I hope you update soon!
-C
-C
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October 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Still Very GOOD! Can't wait for the next update
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October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YAY YOU UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait for the next update! This is verry good! You write well!
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October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh this is soooo good You need to update ASAP! I like the character Maxim hehehe sounds like Erik is a bit jealous of him...I wonder what will happen...Any who lol UPDATE SOON!
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October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please update soon!!!!!!!!!
schedule
October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I think this a great story, good characters and a novel concept, but I do have some suggestions of what you could fix. The spelling is sometimes off; not too bad, I've seen much worse, but a little editing or spell checking could fix it. The sentences are a little choppy and short, and it makes the flow of the story a little bit slow, but again, nothing too bad. Lastly, and this is my biggest issue, is when you are explaining the songs, Remember and Learn to Be Lonely. It really breaks the mood of the story when you put parenthesis in the middle of the story, and if you do feel the need to mention the song names (it truthfully doesn't matter, but it's really cool that you write songs), you might want to put an asterisk next to the word, then give an explanation at the bottom. I really enjoy reading this story, and I don't want you to interpret this as a flame or anything, I just know that there is so much potential with your innovative idea. Good luck!