schedule
June 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
good start - wish there was more
schedule
October 17, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great story you've here, I like it! The plot's great and so is the character portrayal as well, as the character interaction, the fic is also quite well written apart from a few things which I will point out! First of all; “And that blonde haired god, is Edward Cullen.” Edward's a brunette, not a blond!
Oh well…, more so, you might want to put in spaces between the dialogs; it's too crowded I think, oh well, just a tip! Also, the “I” should always be spelled with a capital letter (and not just in the beginning of a sentence), you have a few of those typos, and names should be spelled with capital letters, too!
“I turned around to see a table of “5” of the most gorgeous people on the planet.” Looks better if you use actual letters for the numbers, instead of just writing well; numbers! Another tip! So Bella got scared by Edward and ran into Jasper, yay, hehe! Way to go girl!
Cannot wait to read more, so please update soon…
Oh well…, more so, you might want to put in spaces between the dialogs; it's too crowded I think, oh well, just a tip! Also, the “I” should always be spelled with a capital letter (and not just in the beginning of a sentence), you have a few of those typos, and names should be spelled with capital letters, too!
“I turned around to see a table of “5” of the most gorgeous people on the planet.” Looks better if you use actual letters for the numbers, instead of just writing well; numbers! Another tip! So Bella got scared by Edward and ran into Jasper, yay, hehe! Way to go girl!
Cannot wait to read more, so please update soon…