Skin deep

Skin Deep
Chapter 19

Fusedtwilight: I think we all now what happens next. Or do we? Lots of surprises this chapter.

Sara P.O.V

Santiago had a firm grip on my shoulders.

His mouth was coming dangerously close to mine. A part of me wanted to stop, to think of Embry, what would he think if he saw me now? But then I remembered Embry doesn't love me no more, I had made sure of that.

But still, I had such feelings for Embry. I still missed the feeling of him wrapping his arms around me, making me feel so safe and special. How he would just give me a single look and I knew how much he loved me. Not a single person in my whole life has made me feel as special with a look as he could.

Yet here I was about to kiss another man. I hardly know Santiago. I mean yeah he was tall, dark and handsome with a nice scruffy little beard. But I didn't know much about him. Other than how he had been a slave and a Spanish conquistador but that was it.

I wanted to resist, to push him away, to order him from my room, but I could not. A part of me wanted this. I needed a companion, I needed someone to hold me, I needed someone to love me. Not like a friend, not like a brother, but like a lover.

Maybe it was pathetic of me, needing a man to be happy. After all I was immortal and a member of one of the most ancient and powerful covens with all the money I could want and an army of ruthless vampires at my beck and call.

And yet I am not satisfied. All that and more and I can not be happy. Desire is a funny thing, when I was human I wanted what I have now, admirers, money, beauty and now that I have it I am still wanting. Perhaps that is the difference between desire and greed. The need for what we can not have is desire, but the need for what is readily available is greed.

His lips pressed against mine and all thoughts of Embry disappeared from my mind. The whole world ceased to exist. All that mattered was this man kissing me with his sweet, sweet lips. Holding me with his strong hands.

I kissed him back, maybe it was the pain, maybe it was my need for love. But as I gave in to him and desire my power rose I did not fight it, I welcomed it, I wanted it. I wanted him. No denying it, something about him drew me in like a moth to the flame. I was tired of fighting it, I was tired in general.

If I was going to live out eternity with the Volturi I could not do it alone, I was going to need someone to help steady me, to help guide me through this dark, harsh world. I wish I could be stronger, but I am not.

His hands went from my shoulders to my back, at first I thought he was going to try and touch my butt but he stopped at my lower back. I was not in the mood for soft foreplay. I was tired of being little miss sun shine. I need this.

Using both hands I grabbed his butt.....no scratch that I grabbed his ass. Because Santiago does not have a butt, he has an ass. That is the only way to describe his bottom. He didn't have a boys butt; he had a man's ass.

He growled low in his throat, pleased by what I was doing. Our kissing intensified I felt like I was on fire. I was burning up. My senses seemed to intensify with every kiss; I could smell him so clearly.

I felt his fire, his burning need. Together our fires combined into one roaring flame. I know what he wanted. He wanted me, wanted me to be his and his alone. He was a clever one this one, oh yes. I know now he wanted me more then the others. But he held back, knowing I was already over flowing with attention so he stepped back and let me have my space.

But now he had me right where he wanted me, when I was vulnerable, when I was in most need of someone to love. He had me, but I had him as well.

I remember Embry telling me what imprinting was like; how it didn't mean the two would be a couple, that the wolf would be what ever the imprint needed. A brother, a friend or a lover. I now realize in my own strange way I have imprinted. Alec is my brother, Corin is my friend and now I have found my lover. He was just not the one I originally intended.

He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes, the second he did I saw into his heart. He wanted me, but he also wanted power. In his head he saw me by his side as he sat in a throne with Aro and the others. He wanted me, not just for my power but for my love and affection. He wanted me to want him. To need him as he needed me.

The vision changed, it was like I could look deeper, peeling back the different desires he held. Hearts are regular motels for desire, there's always more then lurking in them. I saw a vision of him and me, no power, no throne, just us. I was holding his face in my hands; we were looking at one another with such tenderness, just a man and a woman.

This desire out shined all the others, where the others were like candle lights, this was like a roaring forest fire. Was this the fire of true love?

I could not comprehend how he could hide such intense feelings from me. I knew there was much potential here, if I could just give myself over to him I could truly be happy here, because I would have finally found someone to share eternity with. Someone to help me forget the days of old.

The days when I met a young man in a super market, a young man with sweet brown eyes and a playful smirk. But Embry was still a boy at heart, Santiago was a man. My man.

"You're eyes, there like-"

"Like suns, I know," I smiled at him.

"What is this?"

"You're heart's desire Santiago. You want me more then the others, more then you want the throne. Tell me, if I was not related to Aro, if I could not give you a position of power, would you still love me?" I asked.

He thought for a moment. "It is strange, I thought you so beautiful when first I saw you, and for a while I just wanted you for the power. But as time went on I began to think of you more, you're innocence was such a shining light in this gloomy place. I can not say when I first fell in love with you Sara, but I no longer care about the Volturi. I would gladly leave them if I could stay with you for all eternity."

I know he was being truthful, I was still seeing into him and I knew he was not lying. He really would leave the Volturi for me. How could I have been so blind, why did I not see this sooner...why didn't Marcus tell me sooner?

"Then I would like to help you grant your desire Santiago. I need someone to love, someone to protect me, shelter me, live with me, laugh with me, cry with me, love me. Will you do all these things for me? In return I will do the same. I will love you as you love me. My power will bind us together."

"Like marriage?"

"Not exactly. I have already done this with Alec and Corin."

A streak of anger and possession filled his eyes. "I will not share you, you are mine!"

"It's not what you think, I needed a brother so my power gave me and Alec the bond of a brother and a mother, I needed a friend, my power gave me and Corin the bond of a friend and his muse. With us it will be the bond of a lover and a lover."

The anger left his eyes but the possession was still there. "Good. Take me then my princess, I swear myself to you mind, body and soul!"

"Then seal our union with a kiss. Together we will do great things, with you're power and my will we will complete one another. You will help make me strong and I will help show you our world can be more then blood and violence, I will show you that even a vampire can have humanity."

My words were inflaming his desires. He had been in the dark and the cold for so long. All his life, even as a mortal he only knew the harsh, cruel side of life. He had not had anyone to show him love, mercy, compassion.

All he had was his brute strength and practical warrior instincts. This was the power of love; it had the power to transmute a person to their very core. To lead them for the darkest corners of their soul and into the light of the world.

We kissed and I let my power was over him, into him through him. "God yes! This is what I have always wanted!"

This was so wonderful, so beautiful. What happened with Alec and Corin had been beautiful and wonderful in their own ways, but this. This was true love quickly blossoming into full blown love. I could feel the bonds moving, knotting, tightening.

His love and desire was spreading across my heart. Like a warm blanket. I thought this moment was the moment I had been wanting for all my life. The moment when everything would calm down and life would start to make sense because I would have someone to live it with.

But of course life is never easy, because the warm blanket that was his love hit a dark spot on my heart. A spot that hurt like salt on an open wound when his love touched it.

"Sara?" Santiago asked confused.

"I'm sorry...something just....hurt."

I closed my eyes and I used my power to probe the spot. What was it? Was it a sign of someone using their power on me? I gently probed the dark spot with my power, I sensed confusion, anger, fear....and of course desire.

It was not mine, I knew that much, but if it was not mine then who's was it? The warmth of Santiago's love was trying to go into the dark spot, to fill it up. But the pain kept it at bay. Taking a deep breath I plunged my power into the wound. And I screamed.

An assault of images hit me. The first time I met Embry, the day we had out date, as I looked into his eyes when Vincent turned me, how seeing him shirtless had first activated my power, our first kiss, a night in the Alaskan planes watching the Aurora in the sky, watching as he fought Vincent for me, willing to lay down his life for me, him proposing to me, willing to defy generations of rules and traditions for me.

All those times chatting on the net, all the hours on the phone, just so we could hear one another's voice, meeting him again after two months apart, us announcing to everyone our engagement. How could I have forgotten? How could I have been so willing to give that up?

Was that all he was? A mere phase? A first love that was not destined to last? It should be him here with me not Santiago, him I should be kissing and giving my heart to.....or hadn't I done that already?

Was that what this spot was? Was this where I kept the memories of him all bottled up and sealed away? I was such a fool. I was attracted to Santiago that was true. But I had been attracted to the parts of him that reminded me of Embry.

I was using him as a stand in for another man. I could not give my heart to him, because it already belonged to another man. It belonged to Embry Call.

The warmth of Santiago began to recede. "Sara what is going on?" he asked.

"I am sorry, I can't, I'm not ready." I began to walk away but he grabbed my arms.

"No! I've waited to long, do not deny me this now!"

The warmth began to spread again. Only now it had become more heated. It was more fiery now, I had not been kidding when I said he needed like wildfire. I tried to fight back, to push his desire away but it was to late, much to late.

I tried to struggle physically and metaphysically, but I could not. So I did the only thing I could. I pushed my power into that black spot and I pushed it open. Letting everything spill out.

It worked to say the least. It helped push Santiago's now burning need back, but he was persistent. He was trying to fight back against it.

"Santiago, please stop," I begged him.

"No, I have waited to long to lose you now."

My heart was a battlefield. My new feelings for Santiago raged against my feelings for Embry. Santiago was using the connections I had formed with him to force feed me his fire. I should theoretically be able to sever it, but I was good at making bonds, not severing them.

I did the only thing I could; I retreated into the darkness that had once been where I hid Embry's love. It was not pleasant, the fear, the confusion, the anger was still there. Which did not make sense, this was not my anger, this was not my fear. This was something more primitive, something more wild, something masculine and familiar.

The warmth of Santiago was no longer felt; I could see it like a distant star. I traveled deep into the darkness, trying to figure out what to do, when I saw it. It was distant but the closer I got, the warmer it got. I somehow knew it was not Santiago's, but someone else's.

Even though it was far away, I could feel its powerful glow. It did not get bigger as I got closer, it was not until I was up close and felt the heat blazing from it that it was a small flame, yet it was so bright.

I tentatively touched it. It caressed my fingers lovingly. I then had an image in my head. Embry was in his room. He looked horrible, he had deep black circles around his eye, his hair was messy, obviously he had not showered, he looked thin, like he had not been eating right. A bunch of papers were scattered around his room, each with my image on them.

He was at his desk drawing another one when he stopped; he looked behind as if he could see me. "Sara?" he said.

Oh Embry, what have I done to you.

The flame was beginning to engulf my hands. It did not burn; it felt so good, so right. The more I touched it, the more it grew, like I was the air it needed. It was more then a metaphor. It was truth. It was his love for me, the love I tried to smother but still burned bright. The intensity of his love had returned but it was not spreading out like it should. What had it done to him? What had I done to him?

I had made such a mess of things. Santiago was right, I am such a child. I thought I could make everyone happy, I thought I could make everything right. But desire is fickle and if you do not treat it carefully it will burn you.

I would not leave Embry like this, I may not see him again but I owed him more than this. I grabbed the flame in my hands, gentle, as if I held a child in my hands. The fire took the shape of Eleanor. She smiled at me, sweet and loving. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I hugged her close.

Soon the fire engulfed me, and Eleanor disappeared. I smiled and I whispered his name.

"Embry." The fire exploded. It was like when a sun explodes, I can not describe the power that is an explosion of love.

The fire burst from me, yet it was in me. It lit up the darkness and filled it up. Filling up my heart and Embry's. I realized then that when I smothered Embry's love I had smothered mine for his. That is the nature of my power; it was a double edged sword. Smothering our love is what had made me so weak and vulnerable.

Embry is what gave me my strength, my courage. What was I without him but I scared lost little girl. And what was he without me.

The fire filled the darkness and the fires of Santiago and Embry found an uneasy balance. Santiago let me go, his face was not happy. Just then the door flew open and Aro strode in with Chelsea, Marcus, Alec and Corin with him.

"What is going on?" he demanded.

I sighed; I had a lot on my plate. But I had to wonder, if I had undid what I did to Embry, what was going to happen to him now?

Fusedtwilight: Okay so it is a very.....inner soul kind of thing, but you have to like the imagrery. Next chap we find out what has happened to Embry since we last saw him, and i promise it is not good.