The Candyman's Education

“Good day, Mr Wonka,” Prince Pondicherry greeted him as he stepped off the ship, “You honor me with your presence on such short notice.” It was a gesture of goodwill that surprised Willy, as Pondicherry seldom bothered to actually greet guests himself, usually preferring to send an armed entourage to pick up the esteemed guest and bundle him back to the palace.

Willy, ever the diplomat, bowed deeply to the Prince, sweeping off his top hat. “The honor is mine, Your Highness – I’m pretty excited about this project, but—“

“Excellent!” Pondicherry beamed, “You will be offered every luxury during your stay.”

“Um, about that—“

“Guards – help my guest up onto yonder elephant so that we may return without delay!”

Willy found himself being bundled up to perch in a terribly high seat on the broad back of an elephant. He watched carefully as his luggage (not quite everything he owned, but enough to get by during the build) was loaded onto additional elephants, and finally the whole caravan started moving.

“… your plans,” he heard Pondicherry call across from his own elephant (the Royal beast’s seat was of course far more elaborately decorated than the one Willy was in – and it had a sunshade besides).

“Sorry?” he called back, turning to face the Prince.

“I said,” Pondicherry repeated, more loudly, “I like what I am seeing in your plans. Do you think you can do everything in chocolate as I wish?”

“Of course I can – I designed the building to account for that.” He smiled, the heat momentarily forgotten in fudgy thoughts. “Two hundred rooms, each one outfitted with chocolate furnishments – statues, chairs, beds, rugs. The chocolate had to be transported on a refrigerated ship, but it’ll arrive later today or early tomorrow. Listen, I—”

“Excellent!” Pondicherry beamed, “You are truly a chocolate genius! I must insist you have dinner with me tonight so that we may discuss the project in greater detail.”

Willy relaxed slightly. It would be the perfect opportunity to renegotiate his “reward”.

*****

Ever since his first bite of chocolate (which caused something like an orgasm in his mouth at the tender age of twelve), Willy had long been on the lookout for new flavors and combinations. Therefore, it was only natural that he approached the unfamiliar Indian dinner with eager anticipation rather than cautious dread. Regardless of Indiana Jones’ culinary adventures, the chocolatier tried every dish with equal gusto, and would even have nibbled at deep-fried beetles on the half-shell if offered. To his eternal delight, one of the Prince’s servants offered him a frothy beverage that resembled a chocolate milkshake (and indeed it was, though it was not frozen like Western milkshakes), but she skittered away before he could thank her.

As the meal reached a natural coda, Prince Pondicherry clapped his hands sharply, and all the female servants suddenly dashed to positions around Pondicherry’s seat like well-trained cheerleaders, while the relative handful of male servants scattered like birds. Willy looked around uneasily. Pondicherry smiled cordially.

“Tomorrow you begin the project in earnest,” said Pondicherry. “The task will be long and challenging, but do not worry – I will see that your needs are well-handled.”

Willy swallowed hard; he wasn’t at all certain of the wolfish smile Pondicherry wore when he said “needs”.

“All of my concubines are more than willing to attend you while you work and relax – but of course they cannot all serve your needs. Therefore, I will only ask you to choose one of my harem, for I am told you are a humble man, and not greedy at all.”

"Your Grace," Willy said, "I really won't be necessary to lend me one of your concubines. I'll be fine."

"Oh, but every healthy young man should have some companionship while he is traveling abroad. I would not wish for you to get lonely in the evenings."

"Really, that truly won't be necessary. Besides, what with overseeing the build during the day and making adjustments and revisions in the evening..." He laughed, hoping he was only imagining the shrillness he heard. "I really wouldn't know what to do with her in between."

Pondicherry frowned in confusion for a few moments, but before long his expression cleared, and he smiled in enlightenment. "Ah, the issue becomes clear now."

"Really?" Willy was elated - he didn't think he would be able to get through to the Prince so easily.

"While it is strange to hear such from a westerner, I fully understand the problem. You simply have no experience with the gentler sex."

Willy cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed, but nodded in agreement.

"Fortunately, with a clear problem comes a clear solution."

"Oh, well that's good..." Willy took a sip of his drink.

"Obviously, you require a tutor!"

Chocolaty milk went out Willy's nose.