One big mistake

When I opened my eyes reality came crashing down on me like freight train. It felt like I had been hit by one. My body ached, my head was trobbing, my mouth was dry. The light was to bright. Oh my god it was morning! Im still at Jacob's house! In Jacob's bed! What had I done! I sat up straight and the room spun. My head pounded. Thats when I noticed the blood. The sheets were stained with spots here and there. Oh Man! Panic! That is what happens when you have , I couldnt make myself think the word, for the first time. More Panic! I looked around the room and found my cloths in a pile on the foot of the bed. Jake must have put them there when he got up. I searched my fuzzy memory and let out a cry of shoot and remorse. I had to go home...now. Jacob was in the shower I could hear him down the hall. I grabbed my cloths got dresses at the speed of light and ran out of the house.



The drive back home I shouted at myself. Oh my god! Oh MY god! Oh my GOD! I cant believe I did this. What was I thinking. I wasnt thinking. My head still feels like it is going to explode. Oh Edward. How can I ever face him again. The thought of Edward made tears already so close to the surface, over flow my eyes. I turned off the main road and I knew I was back over the treaty line when a shiny volvo was in my rear view mirror. I didnt stop. I wasnt ready yet. I had to pull myself together. Wild half form thoughts were racing in my head. What do I say? There is no possible way to appoligize for this. I was an aweful, terrible, repulsive, person. I drove straight to Charlies. When I pulled into the driveway I saw that the cruiser wasnt there. Damn, a witness would have been helpful if Edward was going to kill me. No dont think that Bella. I shook myself mentally. Edward would never kill me no matter what. I deserved it, but he wouldnt do it.



I sat in the truck waiting for justice. I saw him get out of his car and walk slowly to drivers side door of my truck. I was hyperventilating by the time he opened the door. He didnt speak. I didnt give him the chance. I bolted. I ran to the house as fast as I can wild panic taking over my rational thought. I should know better that to try to run. I only made it about five feet before I tripped. I fell spectacularly onto the the ice covered ground. Edward still in shock. not bieng able to read my mind never saw such a stupid move coming. He was at my side in a flash. I saw him reach for me. Concern in his eyes, pain. He thought I was still mad at him. I would have laughed if I could make any noise at all.

"Bella" he whispered. "Im so Sor.."

"NO" I screamed finding my voice again "Gods Edward Please dont tell me your sorry. Please I cant take it. I dont deserve it. Dont be sorry Edward. I dont , I dont,.." I stammered into silence again.

He tried to pick me up. I cringed. I wasnt worthy of his touch anymore. I rolled over on my side and vomited.

Edward gently picked me up and carried me into the house. He sat me down on the couch where I continued to sob while he fixed me a glass of water. I took it when he handed it to me and cried even harder when he sat next to me on the couch.

"Bella please. I am going insane. What is the matter? Tell me. You can tell me anything. Im so sorry I made you angry yesterday. Ive been so worried. Charlie called my house last night looking for you, Esme told him you were with us. We've been searching for you every since. The whole family has been out. Even Rosalie. None of us could cross the boarder, so we have been running back and forth looking for the moment you came back. Bella please calm down and talk to me. I am sorry I pushed you to this point. I never ment for you to run away from me like that. I dont even know why you got so mad." PLease I am going out of my mind. What is wrong?"

He said all this very quickly, raising his voice to as I got louder and louder with every word he spoke till my voice broke. I sat sobbing into the couch unable to look at him.

This is it. I have to tell him I owed him the truth. He shouldnt love me. I wasnt good enough for him. I was tainted. Ruined. I took a deep breathe looked up into the eyes that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"Edward" I paused, what do I say?

"Oh Edward, I have made a terrible mistake. Please dont interupt me, I have a confession to make and I'll never get it all out if you say anything. Edward." I said again looking away from him. I closed my eyes.

"I went to LaPush last night to see Jacob. I was so frusterated with us. We can never touch and I have all these feelings, for you." I added weakly.

I raised my hand because I felt him move closer to me and I couldnt bear him touching me while I broke his heart.

I heard him take a deep breathe. I did too.

Then the words spilled out of me before I could get a grasp on them. I was wailing.

"I went there Edward, and Jake and I were sitting by a fire and he brought out a bottle of Rum and I was mad and wanting to do something stupid and reckless so I drank. God Help me I drank. I drank so much that I let him, I let him, I let him.."

I didnt know how to finish the sentence. I felt Edward stiffen.

"Did he kiss you?" Edward asked brasingly.

"Yes" I whispered tears falling freely

"Did you kiss him back?

"Yes" burning in my face now.

"Did it stop there?" He sounded slightly confused and bitter.

I shook my head

"There is more?" He was definatly bitter sounding

I nodded and placed my hands on my face, covering my eyes.

"Are you telling me that you went to LaPush and let that DOG touch you?" shouting now.

I cried, there was nothing I could say.

A strangled cry came out of him, like a wounded animal.

"Bella, did you have sex with Jacob Black last night?" he hissed.

My no answer, was answer enough for him.

I heard a sound I have never heard before, there is no discription for it.

It was the wounded, broken, painful sound of true love lost.



He was on his knees in front of me. He grabbed my hands away from my face and I looked up startled. The look in his eyes was alarming. I was scared.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe he would kill me. I deserved it.