Jealous

Chapter 9

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Jarlaxle understood the message alright. Artemis reminded him of Zaknafein. If he wanted to get away with infiltrating Artemis' personal space, he'd have to let his friend beat up on him in return. It was a price he was willing to pay. After all, he'd often played tricks on Zak, and he'd always gotten away with them - provided he let Zak retaliate. He figured this was the same thing. Artemis' type couldn't let something go without an equal and opposite reaction. It actually cheered him greatly that Artemis had done it. This proved that they were capable of communication.

So, the next morning, Jarlaxle greeted his friend with all the grace and cheer of a pent up bunny. The mercenary had the bright idea of visiting Artemis in his personal rooms in the guild so that they'd be ensured a little privacy for their reuinion.

He found Artemis fully dressed, just finishing trimming his goatee in the large wash room.

He narrowly stopped himself from hugging the assassin. "Artemis, dear Artemis, my friend!" He threw open his arms, wearing a stunningly large smile.

Artemis froze. He stared at Jarlaxle, his face utterly blank. "What are you doing?"

"Greeting you! Bidding you good morning!" Jarlaxle said. He spun around. "Telling you what a wonderful day it is!"

"It is...a wonderful day."

"Indeed it is!"

"Why?"

"Why?" Jarlaxle stopped. His smile faced for a moment in confusion, and then burst out in full radiance again. "Why, the sun is shining, the birds are blooming, and our friendship is the envy of all who witness our closeness and -"

"The sun is always shining, birds do not bloom, and our friendship is a twisted fragment of your imagination."

Jarlaxle mock swatted at him. If his hand had actually connected, he probably would have had it bitten off. "Oh, pooh! Always looking on the dark side, I see! My imagination is just fine. Correct me if I'm wrong, dear Artemis, but we corrected our friendship last night." He poked his cheek and winced. "I have the bruises to prove it."

Artemis had expected Jarlaxle - even Jarlaxle, the most outspoken, pushy, and downright obsessed person he had ever met - to wait at least a week before attempting to make friends with him again.

He'd underestimated him. The assassin turned away. "I am not here to make 'friends' with you."

"You're here for the valuable partnership," Jarlaxle said. "I know. But who says we can't have a little fun?"

"An added bonus."

"Exactly!"

"You're a moron."

Jarlaxle's face fell. "A moron?" he protested, using his most piteous voice. "Oh, say it won't be so, dear Artemis. Please save me from being a moron."

The assassin growled. "You're a fool. An idiot. A gesture in drow's clothing. A nuisance."

"That's a little harsh for a little joke here and there, isn't it?" Jarlaxle asked. He smiled reasonably. "Besides, you enjoy me."

"I hate you."

"So you say." Jarlaxle nodded sagely. "But I believe differently."

"You are a moron," Artemis said. "We've just been over this."

Jarlaxle raised an index finger. "Oh, contraire, my assassin. I have evidence."

"What evidence?" Artemis glanced over his shoulder at him for just a moment before steadfastly looking away again.

"My instincts!" Jarlaxle beamed proudly. "I happen to know you like me. In your own human way, you might even love me. I'm special, and I'm the only person in your life who won't go away. Despite your bad temper. I'm reliable, and my instincts are never wrong!"

"You're an unpredictable psychopath who's made a living out of double-crossing people and never telling the truth. You're hardly 'reliable'."

"I am to you," Jarlaxle said.

Artemis snorted. He found he was still holding the tiny trimming shears he'd been using on his beard and set them back on the vanity. "Jarlaxle, the only way you've been reliable to me is when you've made yourself a reliable source of annoyance."

"And I do come through for you," Jarlaxle said, smirking. "I am always here to annoy you."

"That is true." Artemis sighed.

Jarlaxle stuck out a hand. "So, friends?"

Artemis turned around and eyed him. He looked at Jarlaxle's hand as if it had been covered in poison powder. "You're serious."

"Maybe," Jarlaxle said, smiling. "Only if you are."

Artemis closed his hand around Jarlaxle's, then immediately let go and strode out of the room.

Pleasantly intrigued, Jarlaxle waited for a moment, then followed him.

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